Changing the Past Through Teshuva (Ish Hahalacha, pp.94-96)

But let's read a little bit if you have the if you have the the Hebrew original of Ish HaHalacha if you have the איש ההלכה גלוי ונסתר volume, it's on the bottom of page 94 if if following along in the English translation, it's on page 113. In addition to a Bikas HaTorah on the on the content, you have to make a Bikas HaNehenin on the language.

וכן מופיע ההבדל העיקרי בין מושג התשובה בהלכה לזה של איש הדת הכללי.

The main difference between the concept of Tshuva in Halacha to that which general religious man conceives of emerges here. Zeh HaAcharon the latter the Ish HaDat HaKlali תופס את רעיון התשובה מבחינת כפרה. He identifies the idea of Tshuva with atonement, k'tris bifnei ha'onesh. It's a shield to protect one against punishment, k'tocharat srak, right? An ilan srak is a tree that doesn't yield fruit. Remorse which is totally unproductive, which isn't creative,

שאינה יוצרת ומחדשת כלום. נפשו היא גן נכה ומתאבלת על יום אתמול כי עבר.

His soul mourns for a yesterday which is bygone, על הזמן ששקע כבר בתהום הנשייה, for time which has already which has already irretrievably sunk, על מעשים שחלפו כצל, actions which have passed like a shadow, על עובדות שאי אפשר לשנותן ולהמירן באחרות, facts that are immutable.

ולפיכך זקוק לחסדים מרובים לנסים ונפלאות לרחמים רבים וכולו. מה שאין כן איש ההלכה. הוא איננו מתמכר לבכי ולתוגה.

He doesn't lose himself in crying and sorrow. The Rav is certainly not eliminating crying and sorrow from the Tshuva process, but he's not totally, it's an element of the Tshuva process, but there's no hitmakrut, the person is not totally abandoned to the bechi. There's a difference between bechi playing a critical role and a person, as it were, abandoning him, abandoning himself, or losing himself to bechi.

הוא איננו מתמכר לבכי ולתוגה איננו נושך בבשרו ואינו חובל בעצמו.

Doesn't engage in even verbal self-flagellation.

הוא אינו עוסק בתשובת המשקל ואינו מתמכר לסיגופי הגוף ועינויי הנפש.

He's not torturing himself. איש ההלכה עסוק ביצירה עצמית ובבריאת אנוכי חדש. He's engaged in self-creation and creating a new I.

אינו מתחרט על העבר שכבר עף ונעלם אלא בעבר הקיים עדיין והמשתרבב והנכנס לתוך ההווה והעתיד.

He's not expressing remorse about a past that is again forever gone and hidden,

אלא בעבר הקיים עדיין והמשתרבב והנכנס לתוך ההווה והעתיד. אין הוא לוחם בצללים המציצים מן העבר המת.

He's not, he's not fighting against shadows which peek through from a dead past. Ve'ein hu mit'abek and in doing teshuva vechato'av, he's not struggling, he's not wrestling im ma'asim with the actions shekevar kamshu venavlu that have already withered.

אין קבלתו החלטה ערטילאית ביחס לעתיד רחוק וסתום שלא בא עדיין לעולם.

His resolve for the future is not about a future which is distant, remote, which doesn't yet exist.

איש ההלכה מעוניין בבבואת העבר המשתקפת במרכזם של חייו בהווה.

Ish HaHalacha is interested in the shadow of the past which reflects itself to the center of his present life, הסואנים והגועשים כים נרגש, like a stormy sea. Uv'atid, Ish HaHalacha is interested in ובעתיד איש ההלכה מעוניין בעתיד הפועם והתוסס שכבר נברא. He's focused on a future that already exists. יש עבר חי ויש עבר מת. There's a past which is still alive in the present, there's a past that's dead, that's gone. יש עתיד שלא נוצר עדיין. There's a future which has not yet been created, ויש עתיד הקיים כבר, which already exists.

יש עבר ועתיד שאינם קשורים זה בזה ובהווה אלא על ידי חוק הסיבתיות.

There's a past and a future that are only connected with each other and with the present through the law of causality.

הסיבה הנמצאת בנקודת זמן אחת מצטרפת על המסובב המעורה בנקודה ב' וכן כיוצא בהם.

The cause which is located at one earlier point is connected logically through causality with a result which which is located at a later subsequent point. ברם הזמן עצמו בתור עבר מופיע בבחינת היה אין. Time itself it was and now is gone. Uvetor atid which is bevchinat yihye adayin, but not yet. ומנקודת מבט זו אין התשובה אלא מושג ריק ונבוב. If you view and experience time this way, teshuva is empty and hollow.

נבוב לוחות תעשה אותו. אי אפשר להתחרט על עבר שכבר מת ושקע בתהום הנשייה ואין מחליטים ביחס אל עתיד שלא נולד עדיין.

There's no—what meaning—how is it meaningful to focus on a past that's already bygone? Why, in in English, there's a—there's a saying, right? There's no point crying over spilled milk. And what does it mean to relate to a future that doesn't yet exist? Beram yesh avar. But there is another dimension to time, there's another dimension to existence. ברם יש עבר מתמיד ויציב. There's a past which hasn't passed away and become a bygone. There's a dimension of existence in which the ovar, in which the past is matmid veyatziv. It's perpetual, it it exists perpetually, she'eino cholef umitchamek. Doesn't pass away inexorably, irretrievably, immutably, ela be'ino omeid. It remains intact. Ovar zeh, this dimension of time, this dimension of past, nichnas nidchak, it pushes its way as it were, ונכנס לתוך רשות ההווה and it enters the domain of the present and mizdaveig, and it it becomes wedded im ha-asid with the future. U-midoch, and just as there are two different dimensions, two different levels on which one can experience, conceive of the past, the same is true for the future. יש עתיד שאינו גנוז מבעד לערפל. There is a future which isn't hidden and unknown, enveloped in some mist, אלא מתגלה עכשיו בכל יופיו ותפארתו. The future already reveals itself in all its beauty and splendor. Skipping a couple of lines,

מבחינה זו אין אנו תופסים את העבר בתור היה אין העתיד בתור יהיה עדיין.

On this level, this dimension, in this dimension of existence, we don't perceive, we don't conceive of, we don't experience the past as what was and no longer is, and we don't perceive and experience the future as what will be, which is not yet, ואת ההווה בתור הרף עין. And we don't perceive of the present as a fleeting moment. כולם מתלכדים ומתמזגים יחד. No, they all join together. Uparshas hazman hameshulashas, here at least in the edition I have there is a misprint. It should be boka'as ve'olah. The beis and the kuf were interchanged accidentally. ופרשת הזמן המשולשת בוקעת ועולה and this three-twined time emerges. He-ovar meshulav ba-asid, the past is integrated with the future, ushneihem mishtakfim ba-hoveh and they're both reflected in the present. What what does this mean? What does this mean that the past isn't gone? What does it mean that the past isn't bygone, right? That bygones be bygones. What does it mean that the past is motmid veyatziv? I mean, if I ate Cheerios for breakfast this morning, I ate Cheerios for breakfast this morning. That's done with. And yet, let's read a little bit more. Skipping around two lines, גם חוק הסיבתיות לובש מבחינה זו צורה חדשה. The law of causality takes on different meaning in this dimension of existence.

אין כאן סדריות קבועה של תהליך הסיבתיות הכללית ואין היחס של סיבה פועלת ומסובב סביל שכבר הוקצב והוקצב על ידה קיים כאן.

In the general law of causality, so A, which is the cause, happens and B, which is the passive effect, follows and ensues. And that's how the law of causality operates, that's what cause and effect is. Gam ha-iloh, the cause, vegam ha-olul, the effect, literally the caused with a D, mofi'im belvush aktiv-pasiv. In this dimension, it's not just that the cause is active and the effect is that which was acted upon which is passive. No, either one can be active, either one can be passive. The present can be the cause and exert its formative influence on the past. And the past can be the effect. How is that possible? How can the present act upon the past? What does it mean to say that the past still exists and because the past still exists, the present can act on the past and you can invert, you can reverse the cause and effect sequence and what I do now will be the cause and the effect will be in the past, in yesterday, last week, ten years ago. What does that mean? If I ate Cheerios for breakfast this morning, there's nothing I can do now to change that. Maybe it was a good thing that I ate Cheerios for breakfast this morning, maybe it wasn't a good thing, maybe it depends upon whether or not you own stock in Cheerios whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, but either way, what's done is done. So what do you mean that the present can be the cause and the past can be the effect? The present can exert the determining influence and the past will be what's affected? So the thought is as follows. Everything that happens in the world, well since we ultimately want to talk about teshuvah, so let's be very much anthropocentric, let's focus on man, let's be even egocentric, let's focus on ourselves. Everything we do happens and therefore can be viewed on either or both of two very different levels. Everything we do happens and therefore can be viewed, can be understood, can be described in either or both of two very different dimensions. We engage in physical concrete actions. I ate breakfast this morning. That on the natural level, again, that's a physical concrete action. On that level, in that dimension of existence, the past doesn't exist anymore, that's a bygone. I can't reach into the past and change the Cheerios into, I don't know, does Captain Crunch still have hashgacha? I can't change the Cheerios into Captain Crunch no matter how much I would like to. I can decide to eat Captain Crunch for supper, but that's a different shaila. So the Rav is not, he's not telling us to imagine a world that doesn't exist, a world that's contrary to the real world. On that level and in that dimension of existence, so he'avar haya ve'ein. The past is past and no longer is. And the only connection a person has to the past is memory. Could be as a dirty bowl if he didn't wash out his breakfast bowl also, but other than that, he doesn't have any connection to the past. But everything a person does, a person is not only a physical being, a person's a spiritual being also. Stands to reason that given that we're a hybrid of physical and spiritual, so that there's a dimension to what we do which is not only physical and concrete, but which is spiritual and abstract. Does what we do physically There's the spiritual dimension of what happened. The breakfast I ate this morning, it had an OU, it didn't have an OU. I ate to be mekayem bechol drachecha da'eihu or with whatever kavanos. I made a bracha, I didn't make a bracha. I ate in a refined manner or in a not refined manner. There's the meaning, there's the significance. Machalos asuros are something physical, but the issur isn't physical. The lobster is physical. The fact that that's a davar tamei is not something physical, right? That's a spiritual dimension. There's what we do and that's one dimension of existence, and then there's the abstract, spiritual, transcendent meaning and significance of what we do. Now let's take a mashal. Let's say a person Rachmana litzlan gets laid off. He loses his job. On a physical concrete level, in terms of that domain, A happened and nothing can reach back and change that. And because of that, it's obvious to something which is devastating. But what about on the spiritual dimension of existence? So what happened? I don't know what happened. Maybe what happened is something that Rachmana litzlan can start a downward spiral into poverty and can trigger depression, Rachmana litzlan, or it could trigger shalom bayis issues because of financial pressure. Or maybe he's going to change professions as a result and end up in a more meaningful profession. Maybe he's going to move to get a new job and end up moving, whether it's from chutz la'aretz to Eretz Yisrael, from a less Torahdik community to a more Torahdik community. So what happened? What happened on Ich veis Rosh Chodesh Nissan when he was laid off? I don't know. Ask me on Succos and I'll tell you what happened on Rosh Chodesh Nissan. Depending upon what happens in the present, that will determine what happened in the past on the spiritual level, in that dimension of existence. A person falls and maybe Rachmana litzlan, I don't know whether bruises himself, maybe even tears a ligament or breaks a bone. On the physical concrete level, that happened. It caused the pain that it caused, and all of that happened. It happened in the past, the past is gone, and because it's gone it's inexorable, you can't change it. On the spiritual level, on the level of the person's nefesh, neshama, which is above time. So what happened? I don't know what happened. If as a result of this injury, he's going to go to physical therapy and and he's going to begin an exercise regimen that he's going to stick to mikan ulehabah, so what happened didn't start a process of injury; what happened started a healing process. So what happened when he fell? I don't know, the jury is out. The future will dictate to the past what happened. Rachmana litzlan, a person ate ma'achalos asuros. On the physical concrete level, in terms of that dimension of existence, that happened. That's immutable. It happened. He ate ma'achalos asuros. He spoke lashon hara. He bitel. It happened. The past is gone; since it's gone, therefore by definition it's immutable and he can fast for the rest of his life and it doesn't change the past, if and only if a person is looking only at that physical concrete dimension of existence. But existence is not unidimensional. A person isn't just a physical being, a person's a spiritual being and a person doesn't exist only on the physical level. A person exists on a spiritual level as well. What happened when the person ate ma'achalos asuros? What happened will be determined in the next days, weeks, months and years to come. If a person leaves it alone, if a person doesn't do teshuva, so you know what happened? A terrible aveira happened rachmana litzlan. If a person responds to the aveira: nichamti uvoshti bema'asai. If a person is prompted by the aveira to cheshbon hanefesh, he's prompted by the aveira to recognize middas hataiva within himself which led him into cheit. If a person is led by the aveira to confront that midda, to work on that midda on sublimating, refining, changing, uprooting, each one to whatever degree is appropriate. So then what happened can't just be described as a brazen aveira. The present and the future are the cause and the past is the effect. Extraordinary. זדונות ייתכן נעשו כשגגות, but yisochen even more than that: zedonos na'asu kizechuyos because the past is dictated to by the present, not that it dictates to the present, but it is dictated to by the present. What happened when the person loses the job? What happened when the person falls depends upon what the person makes of it. And in that sense, the past is there and it's there and it's malleable, it's mutable and the present and the future can, and if a person takes advantage of that, if he harnesses the potential, they do dictate to the past. Everything that happened in a person's life can be transformed through teshuva and on the spiritual level. on the spiritual dimension of existence, where the action is not defined in terms of its concreteness and physicality, but where the action is defined in terms of its meaning, its significance, how it reverberates. So, the person can determine what happened in the past; the person can change the past because the past is not gone, because on the level of meaning and significance, the past is matzmid veyatziv. It's extraordinary, it's extraordinary. The teshuvah allows a person not only to rise above the mistakes of the past, not only to be cleansed from the mistakes of the past, but to change the past. The potential and promise inherent in doing teshuvah are almost impossible, it's almost impossible to exaggerate, it's almost impossible to overstate. This is the flow in this section: so, the Rav begins with the Minchat Chinuch's famous kashya that the Rambam in Perek Aleph of Hilchos Teshuvah says that viduy is me'akev, but then the Rambam himself has the sugya in Kiddushin which he quotes,

האומר לאשה הרי את מקודשת לי על מנת שאני צדיק גמור אפילו רשע כל ימיו הרי זו מקודשת,

meaning safek mekudeshet שמא הרהר בלבו תשובה. But we were listening carefully, we had our hearing aids turned up, we were listening carefully, he wasn't misvadeh. So what do you mean, maybe he's no longer a rasha? The Rambam says viduy is me'akev. So, the Rav explains, and again, the Minchat Chinuch, as he quotes, already says this in his own way, that הפקעת שם רשע לחוד כפרה לחוד. The sugya in Kiddushin doesn't say that he has kapparah, that he has atonement; it says that his personal status, the fact that by virtue of his aveiros he was a rasha kol yamav, that that's been changed, that's been—that viduy is not me'akev for that; viduy is me'akev for kapparah. That's a beautiful, beautiful teretz. How does it—what's the flow here? How does it—how is it—lead into, how does it segue into, again, the main chiddush that the Rav introduces us to in terms of, in terms of teshuvah? So, lechora, the flow is that you see that teshuvah is targeting not the physical concrete action, but it's targeting targeting the abstract significance of the action, the fact that the person is a shem rasha, so that's the spiritual dimension. So you see already there, you begin to get a feel for the fact that what makes teshuva possible and the way teshuva is effective and impactful is that it doesn't target a physical concrete action which is gone, done with, and therefore out of reach by definition, but it's targeting the meaning, the significance, that abstract transcendent dimension of what happened, the shem rasha. And that's what the Rav then says, again we need the Rav to take that next leap forward for us and explains on the spiritual dimension how time exists, how we experience it, and how the law of cause and effect is reversible. Who I am tomorrow doesn't have to be dictated by who I am today and who I was yesterday. It can be that who I am tomorrow will dictate what happened yesterday, the significance, the meaning. What I do today and tomorrow will determine whether what happened yesterday, what kind of process did it initiate? What structure yesterday, so yesterday is a building block, but a building block of what structure? So the present and the future will dictate to the past what that is. So that's lechoira a little bit of what the Rav is teaching us in these pages. Okay rabbosai, so we'll stop here. Have a good productive day. Everyone should be well, be safe, a guten Shabbos rabbosai. Im yirtzeh Hashem we'll reconvene Sunday at night. Kol tuv rabbosai.