Noseh B’ol Im Chaveiro

We spoke last time about the midah of נושא בעול עם חברו. We saw that Rav Wolbe in Alei Shur focuses attention on two Rashis, the Rashi in Parshat Shmos of ויהי בימים ההם ויגדל משה ויצא אל אחיו, Vayar besivlotam. Rashi: נתן עיניו ולבו להיות מצר עליהם. That Moshe Rabbeinu made a concerted effort to witness firsthand and then to reflect upon the significance and the implications of what he saw. The other Rashi that Rav Wolbe highlights in this connection in the account of Matan Torah that we have at the end of Parshat Mishpatim:

ויראו את אלוקי ישראל ותחת רגליו כמעשה לבנת הספיר וכעצם השמים לטהר.

Rashi says that the brickwork as it were that was seen

היא היתה לפניו בשעת השיעבוד לזכור צרתם של ישראל שהיו משועבדים במעשה לבנים.

That kavyachol Hakadosh Baruch Hu describes himself as giving a reminder for himself during the time of Shibud Mitzrayim lizkor, to remember, to be mindful of, to be empathetic with the distress of Klal Yisrael. That this is the one midah of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's interaction with the world which is highlighted besha'at Matan Torah. The emes is as Rav Wolbe continues that even though נושא בעול עם חברו on the one hand represents the sort of the ultimate in ben adam lachaveiro in the practice of chesed, but it's also in an ultimate sense really the foundation of chesed as well. And maybe we'll just take a few minutes to try to just illustrate and explain how that is and why that is. And in so doing also try to just make obvious what's necessary to cultivate the midah of נושא בעול עם חברו. The story is told, presumably, I don't know whether it's supposed to be factual or apocryphal, it doesn't make a difference in our context of an unnamed chasidisher rebbe back in Eastern Europe who's surrounded by tens, perhaps hundreds if not more of chasidim and he's saying Torah at Shalosh Seudos. So Shalosh Seudos al pi Kabbalah is the high point of Shabbos, ra'ava d'ra'avin. And within that, so when the rebbe says the divrei Torah that's the high point of Shalosh Seudos. So that's where the chasidim are holding. And and the Rebbe's saying his Divrei Torah and tremendously moving, tremendously uplifting, and and the Chasidim, there's a sense of hisromemus. All of a sudden a boorish farmer pushes his way to the front and interrupts the Divrei Torah and speaking not, not in Yiddish as obviously the Rebbe's discussing, but speaking in in the vernacular, says to the Rebbe that he has a problem with with his horse. The horse doesn't pull the wagon effectively and efficiently anymore and and what should he do? So the Chasidim are aghast at such such chutzpah. And but they resist the impulse to to lash out at at this guy. And the Rebbe answers and says, you know I think maybe you should check the horseshoes. Maybe maybe the horse's shoes need to be need to be changed. And then the the Rebbe resumes the Divrei Torah. Gradually the Chasidim begin to regain their composure after having been so agitated and upset at at that brazen interruption. And just when they're about to get completely become composed again, so the same farmer pipes up and says, no Rebbe, he says I checked the horseshoes, that's not the problem. So what do I do? So the Rebbe says, well, maybe the horse needs to eat more, so I would recommend putting a few cubes of sugar, mixing a few cubes of sugar in with the oats and and see see what that does. Chasidim are absolutely besides themselves. Ready to rip this guy from limb to limb. What does he do? The the chutzpah and and the interrupting Divrei Torah by the tish at Shalosh Shudos and and what's he doing? He's making making the Rebbe into some equestrian expert? Beyond beyond description. Mamash beyond description. So they're not really composed and they're beginning their composure but but the Rebbe resumes and and they're trying to listen, they're trying to listen. A few minutes, a few minutes the Rebbe's going and gradually they're beginning to to feel that hisromemus again, beginning to to soar again. And the farmer pipes up again and says, no Rebbe, says I always give sugar to my horse, that's not what it is either. So this time they they like can't. Kalu kol hakitzin. ממש כלו כל הקיצין. And the Rebbe sees what's about to happen. So he he addresses them in Yiddish, which which the farmer obviously doesn't understand because he's been speaking the vernacular. And he says, don't you understand what's happening? He says, he doesn't think I'm any big expert on on horses. He says, he's looking to establish some kind of connection, some type some type of relationship with me. He says, so when you want to do it, so you come over and you ask a kasha on a Blatt Gemara, ask a kasha on a Mishnah, ask a kasha on Chumash and Rashi. He said but when he was four years old, his father took him out into the field to help him work in the field. Never spent a day in cheder. He's he's an illiterate. The only thing he knows, the only language he can speak is the language of the farm. So when he wants to try to connect to me, so he's speaking the only language that he can speak. But he's not talking to me about horses, and he's not concerned about horses. So what what's the what's the point of the story? What what separated the Rebbe in that story from the Chasidim? The Chasidim I suspect are like I don't know, like like me. They see the world from their own vantage point, from their own perspective, from a self-centered perspective. So from their perspective, so what was happening? From their perspective, what was happening? This crude, boorish individual acting with just unmitigated chutzpah. That's what's happening. The Rebbe with a greatness of of spirit, he sees the world from other people's vantage points. He sees the world from other people's perspectives. And he understands what's really happening. And he realizes the guy's not talked to him about horses, and that's not what what he's looking to elicit. And he understands what what's really unfolding. By and large, one's one's natural reaction, maybe maybe some are again, everyone's different, to what degree, but by and large, there is a tendency to again, even even amongst even when we when we value chesed as we should. Even when we machshiv chesed as we should. Olam chesed yibaneh. The Gemara in Avodah Zarah if a person has only Torah so אפילו תורה אין לו, if he's not עוסק בתורה ובגמילות חסדים. Even if a person, not rachmana litzlan he pays lip service to it, no, belev shalem, belev vanefesh, he believes and does his best to practice it. But kol zman that that we experience the world, that we view the world, that we see the world from our own vantage point, so two things are prone to happen. A, there are many situations of need that that we don't pick up on, that we don't recognize. Again, as illustrated in that beautiful story. I don't know, if if a person doesn't say hello to anyone. So it could be, maybe he's standoffish, maybe he's rude, maybe, or maybe he's maybe he's very shy, maybe he's self-conscious, maybe to consider the the other possibilities and and to recognize when there's a need and to be able to be proactive about chesed without having the need explained to us, so a person has to try to develop some of that greatness of spirit which which the story illustrates. And and yitachen, I don't know, I can't tell you for sure whether this is what Rav Wolbe has in mind in in but it's certainly one one dimension of what it means when we say that נושא בעול עם חברו is the ultimate, but on the other hand, it's it's really a necessary foundation for all bein adam lachavero, for all of chesed, because just too often we can not recognize the need and therefore with the best of intentions not not act on it, not respond to it. The the other critical aspect of of chesed which goes which will be missing to the degree that we're missing נושא בעול עם חברו is also illustrated. This is a story, I think, told about different gedolim. I think the story's told about more than more than one adam gadol and just the metziut was probably common enough that there's every reason to think that it happened more than once. So the the story, you're probably familiar with it. In the in the cold, harsh winter in Eastern Europe, so if you had wood for your fireplace, so then you could you could survive. I don't know that you were comfortable, but you you could survive. And if you didn't have firewood, it was mamash sakanat nefashot. Chofetz Chaim writes about this in Ahavat Chesed, halacha lema'aseh about aniyim who don't have wood in the wintertime, that it was right, pshuto kemashmao, that it's an inyan of sakanat nefashot. So the story goes again, I think it's told about different different gedolim, that they were aware of. of aniyim who had no, they had no wood to put in the stove to make a fire to at least a little bit mitigate the bone-chilling cold. So they go to the house of one of the gevirim in town and knock on the door and get a royal reception. Come in, come in. No, I want to talk to you outside. But Rebbe, it's freezing outside. Come in, sit down. We'll sit down by the fireplace, we'll talk. No, I want to talk outside. So finally the Rebbe is misakeish, he insists and the gevir comes outside to talk to him and they're talking to him in the sub-freezing weather and he tells him about the need that one of the poor families have in town and the gevir is forthcoming. And then he says to him, but Rebbe, he says, what did we have to, what did we have to stand outside for? So he says, if we would have been sitting by the fireplace, you wouldn't have felt the urgency and you wouldn't have felt what the, how dire the need was. We needed to be standing outside to have a sense of just what these people are contending with. So a person who has that mido of נושא בעול עם חבירו, without it sometimes we will recognize the need because sometimes the need is just so obvious and so blatant that unlike the story with the farmer, we will recognize the need but we won't necessarily feel the urgency because without the נושא בעול עם חבירו, okay, so as in, as in the story, so it's one thing to hear a description of someone who's who's left in the cold and it's another thing to feel that description. And the urgency and determination with which one acts to try to alleviate the situation is obviously going to be very different depending upon whether one just hears it or whether one's able to translate that into into feeling it. And and that's the, again, it's the it's the ultimate in chesed, but on the other hand it's also on another level just the foundation for our being able to be to live up to the description of רחמנים ביישנים וגומלי חסדים.