It’s Perfectly Normal To Be Imperfect

So אם ירצה השם בלי נדר I intend to speak just for a few minutes and then if there are any questions, so maybe we can try that. Otherwise, we'll just adjourn. At the conclusion of his discussion of the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem, so the Sefer HaChinuch, as he does with every mitzvah, right, the Sefer HaChinuch concludes every mitzvah with the same style. Every, the format in which he presents every mitzvah is the same. He begins with a basic definition of the mitzvah, he tells you the shoresh hamitzvah, some of the ta'am or the ta'amei hamitzvah, he tells you some of the dinei hamitzvah, and then he concludes by saying ve'over al zeh that if a person violates the mitzvah, and he tells you what it means to violate the mitzvah, such as if he doesn't eat matzah the night of the 15th of Nissan, so הרי זה ביטל מצות עשה, or if the case in question is a mitzvas lo sa'asei and it's one for which the Torah prescribes malkus, so he'll say הרי זה עבר על מצות לא תעשה and he gets malkus. And that's the way he concludes every mitzvah by, among other things, telling us what it means to be guilty, what it means to be in violation of this mitzvah. And usually, it's sort of A and not A, right? If the mitzvah entails doing such and such, so then or abstaining from such and such, then you're guilty of violating the mitzvah in the case of the asei by not having done it, in the case of the lo sa'asei by having done it. If the mitzvah is to eat matzah, you're guilty of violating it if you don't eat matzah. If the mitzvah is not to eat neveilah, so then you're guilty of it by virtue of eating the neveilah. So in the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem, so what we would then expect logically based on almost every other example is that a person who doesn't have ahavas Hashem is guilty of being mevatel this asei. But that's not what the Sefer HaChinuch says. The Sefer HaChinuch says a person whose preoccupation and whose focus and whose goal in life is his taivos and, depending upon exactly what the girsa is and maybe he's looking out for his own kavod, so then this person is guilty of having been mevatel the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem. So why didn't the Sefer HaChinuch just say simply and concisely, if a person isn't oheiv Hashem, so then he's guilty of having been mevatel the mitzvah? If a person doesn't put on tefillin today, he's guilty of having been mevatel וקשרתם לאות על ידך. So it's clear from the Sefer HaChinuch that the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem is is different from the overwhelming majority of mitzvos in the following sense: the overwhelming majority of the mitzvos, mitzvah is do it. Any process that's involved is usually classified as hechsheir mitzvah. You want to put on tefillin, so you have to you have to you have to procure tefillin. So either that means beginning with the the leather and the tanning process or it means going to the local Judaica store, but whatever that process is, that's all hechsheir mitzvah. The mitzvah is וקשרתם לאות על ידך והיו לטטפת בין עיניך. To eat matzah, you have to you have to bake the matzah, you have to bake it lishmah. Okay, lemaiseh, that's all together hechsheir mitzvah, the mitzvah is to eat the matzah. By ahavas Hashem, the Sefer HaChinuch says the mitzvah is the process is included within the mitzvah. If a person has not yet attained ahavas Hashem but he's striving towards that, he's working towards that, it's a work in progress, chas veshalom Rachmana litzlan to say that this person is guilty of having been mevatel the mitzvah. Ahavas Hashem, the היכי הדרך לאהבתו ויראתו is an integral part of the mitzvah. It's not a hechsheir for the mitzvah, it's an integral part of the mitzvah. Hence says the Sefer HaChinuch, if you want to know who Rachmana litzlan is guilty of not being mikayeim the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem, it's not someone who presently isn't oheiv Hashem. No, because yitachen that he's not chas veshalom being mevatel the mitzvah. Yitachen that he's being mikayeim the mitzvah because he's working towards that goal, he's he's striving and aspiring and working towards that goal and that process is part of the mitzvah, it's not just be'geder hechsheir mitzvah. That same definition holds true for the mitzvah of tikkun hamiddos. When we talk about tikkun hamiddos which for the Rambam is certainly at the core of the mitzvah of v'halachta bidrachav so it's that's where it's to be found in Sefer Hamitzvos in minyan hamitzvos according to the Rambam. So the mitzvah of tikkun hamiddos also like the mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem, the process, if a person is honestly sincerely engaged in that process, so the process isn't hechsher but the process is gufeh part of the mitzvah. It's the Rambam indicates it but the Emes is איבעית אימא קרא איבעית אימא סברא. The Rambam indicates it. He writes

כך למדו בפירוש מצוה זו מה הוא נקרא חנון אף אתה היה חנון מה הוא נקרא רחום אף אתה היה רחום

etcetera. So the mitzvah is to be a rachum. The mitzvah is to be a chanun. That's the mitzvah on the one hand. On the other hand says the Rambam what does that mean practically? How do you implement it? So the Rambam writes

כיצד ירגיל אדם עצמו בדעות אלו עד שיקבעו בו יעשה וישנה וישלש ויחזור בהם תמיד.

So the Rambam sounds like you're always always working to try to internalize that middah. So it's clear that here too the definition of the mitzvah as it is with Ahavas Hashem is to be engaged involved in the process. It means to be working towards the goal and that effort is not begeder hechsher mitzvah meaning that at the moment I haven't been mekayeim the mitzvah, at the moment I'm guilty I'm in violation of the mitzvah. No, the process, the effort is gufeh part of the kiyum hamitzvah. And it has to be that way in svara, it has to be that way in svara. The B'yakov Moshe has a remarkable he'arah at the very beginning Hilchos Deios. The very beginning Hilchos Deios the Rambam describes natural types, the way people are born. And the Rambam says that some people are born, he says, and they're naturally inclined to be ba'alei ka'as and some people when they're born they're naturally inclined to be more apathetic. And some people when they're born they're naturally inclined to be more ba'alei ta'avah and some people when they're born are naturally inclined to be so disinterested, sometimes you have little kids like this you just can't get them to eat or drink enough, they don't naturally have enough interest, there isn't even enough ta'avah that without effort mitzad the parents that they'll get adequate nutrition. So the B'yakov Moshe and the Rambam gives a whole litany of examples. The B'yakov Moshe has a remarkable he'arah he says the Rambam doesn't describe anyone who's born on target. He doesn't describe anyone who's born not as a ba'al ka'as, not apathetic but with correct moderated modulated responses. Everyone is off-center naturally. So tikkun hamiddos is a challenge that every one of us is born into. Okay different we're all off in different respects in different areas to different degrees vechulu vechulu but we're all naturally off-target we're all naturally off-center so tikkun hamiddos is an avodah that every one of us is born into. Juxtapose to that the famous comment of Rav Yisrael Salanter that it's easier to master Shas than it is to change one middah. Rav Yisrael Salanter didn't have low standards in what it means to master Shas. So al korcho, al korcho, when we talk about tikkun hamiddos, so al korcho we're talking about something where the mitzvah, the avodah, has to include not just the attainment of a goal, it has to include the effort, it has to include the process, that has to be an integral part of the mitzvah. From the Gaon it's It's quoted that he says that all of life is about tikkun hamiddos. So what does all of that mean practically? What it means practically is as follows: if I'm making a cheshbon hanefesh, whether it's the cheshbon hanefesh which is triggered by chodesh Elul, whether it's a cheshbon hanefesh at night before going to sleep as the sefarim recommend, Aseres Yemei Teshuva, whatever the impetus to the cheshbon hanefesh is, let's say it's a chodesh Elul cheshbon hanefesh and the frame of comparison, the frame of reference is last year's chodesh Elul cheshbon hanefesh. And I see that I'm struggling with the same middah. I'm struggling with the same middah, fill in the blank, whatever whatever middah geruah it might be. So then the crucial question is: I'm struggling with it mamash that the middah is as pronounced as it was last year? Everything about it is the same. That middah geruah again, if one to ten, ten representing the worst in terms of how the middah manifests itself, in terms of the strength of that middah within me, if last year it was a 9.9—and I'm being somewhat modest and putting it to be a 9.9, not a ten—if last year was a 9.9 and this year is also a 9.9, so then ein hachi nami, so then that's something which requires a lot of serious thought and reflection. Maybe it's due to a lack of effort on my part. Maybe it's due to inconsistent effort—effort, but applied inconsistently. There's a mashal from Rav Chaim Shmulevitz which is true in many different areas of avodas Hashem. Rav Chaim Shmulevitz gives a mashal, he says: if you want to boil water for a cup of tea, so you'll take the tea kettle and you'll put it on the fire for thirty seconds and then you'll take it off for a little while, then you'll put it on again for thirty seconds and then you'll take it off. And then back and forth like this, so the water's never going to boil. Ay, but sach hakol after an hour, I had the water on the fire for thirty minutes, and how is it that it's still lukewarm? No, so there has to be a certain continuity, there has to be a certain consistency in order for the effort to add up. So if I find myself at the same 9.9 that I was last year, so then ein hachi nami, that is something which requires some kind of change or shift on my part. Again, maybe it was a lack of effort, maybe there was effort but it was inconsistent effort, maybe there was consistent effort but there was lack of strategy, there was lack of knowing how to grapple with a middah, knowing how to implement that resolve and that interest to change the middah. But if when a person compares this year's Elul cheshbon hanefesh to last year's Elul cheshbon hanefesh, so last year was a 9.9 and this year the reading has gone down, gone down in a meaningful way, so then a person is not supposed to be demoralized by that. So then here we're supposed to remind ourselves not to be complacent, not to be satisfied if the fact that it's down to a nine or down to an eight, a person's obviously not supposed to be content with that, not satisfied with that, but me'idach gisa, it's an atzas yetzer hara for the person to feel demoralized that I'm still struggling with that same middah geruah. No, the mitzvah of tikkun hamiddos, the mitzvah of vehalachta bidrachav is a process mitzvah. It's a mitzvah where the effort and the process is an integral part of the mitzvah. It means that the person has been mekayem the mitzvah over the course of the year and just that he needs to continue to apply himself to doing so. In general, whenever making a cheshbon hanefesh, as is true in general in religious life, it requires balance. It has to be very... It's harmful, it's destructive, spiritually harmful, spiritually destructive if a person is too harsh on himself. If a person is too machmir on himself in the cheshbon hanefesh, so that's something which is spiritually destructive. But obviously the other extreme is no good either, that a person is too easy on himself and doesn't push himself and isn't demanding of himself is no good either. So we all have to try to figure out where that balance is between pushing ourselves and even honestly pushing ourselves hard, but not too hard. Obviously the teva of a person, some people by nature they're very, very intense and they're maybe perhaps more prone to being too harsh on themselves, to being too much of a taskmaster. So they're going to have to be very careful to make sure that they're not being too harsh on themselves in that cheshbon hanefesh. Some of us who are very comfortable in our rocking chairs, so some of us don't necessarily naturally push ourselves that hard, so we're going to have to be more sensitive to the other extreme. It very likely may be appropriate and advisable for a person who's again not sure I know I have this tendency to be too harsh, I know I have this tendency not to be demanding enough of myself to find, be it a rebi, be it a chaver, be it someone who's in a position הן מצד חכמתו הן מצד his understanding and his insight into the person to take him into confidence and use him perhaps as a check and balance in making that cheshbon hanefesh. And perhaps just the final perspective that I wanted to mention before stopping, in general if you would plot avodas Hashem on a graph and would plot the trajectory of people who become ultimately gedolim, great ovdei Hashem, chasidim v'anshei maaseh, so the graph would not be a line which goes consistently upwards. There are going to be times when there are plateaus and there are going to be times when the line goes down. Setback, temporary failures is part of the trajectory of growth in avodas Hashem. I think there's a letter from the Sridei Eish where the Sridei Eish says that it's such a negative thing that the descriptions that we have of gedolim is all of gedolim as finished products. And then we just imagine to themselves that the Chofetz Chaim came out of the delivery room, put his fingers in his ears in case chas veshalom the midwives were talking about something that they shouldn't be talking about. And the Sridei Eish says it wasn't like that. The Chofetz Chaim worked very hard to become who he became and it wasn't the graph for any person is not, it's not a graph which in a linear sense goes upwards the whole time. Whether it's in learning, whether it's in tikkun amidos, Chazal say that when Moshe Rabbeinu was in Har Sinai, so he kept on learning and forgetting, kept on learning and forgetting, kept on learning and forgetting until ultimately on the 40th day Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave him Torah as a matana. Setbacks and temporary setbacks and failure are part of the process of growth and halevai that we should experience as little of that as possible, but when we do encounter it, when we do experience it, it's very important to have that perspective and that it shouldn't engender a sense of ye'ush. There's a vort from the Kotzker like all of his vertlach, so sharp and cutting and insightful where he, it's a play on words of the sugya in Eilu Metzi'os of ye'ush shelo mida'as. So the Kotzker says ye'ush shelo mida'as that a person is misyayeish, that a person is ever misyayeish, that a person ever gives up, he despairs, he throws in the towel, that's shelo mida'as. A bar da'as is never ever, never ever misyayeish. Okay, I just wanted to share if there are any questions or... Thank you Rabbi Twersky very much for the insight, the wisdom, the divrei chizuk. We have an opportunity, Rabbi did agree to stick around for a little while afterwards, either to take questions if there's one, a question a person wants to share in the large forum in public or even afterwards a little bit just to stick around more informally to talk and ask questions and also im yirtzeh Hashem next week we'll have the second in this three-part series of Rabbi Newberger will be talking next week the same time im yirtzeh Hashem again. So we hope that there will be a big success next week as well, but if anyone wants to ask any questions or come to speak to Rabbi Twerski now, please feel free to do so. Any questions publicly? Anyone want to? Okay, thank you everyone.