Withstanding Corporate Pressure: Succeeding in Corporate America With My Neshama Intact

Some people are forever identified with certain quotes. It's true in the Gentile world. You hear the name Patrick Henry so everyone's immediate reaction is give me liberty or give me death. And lehavdil lehavdil lehavdil there are certain great towering figures in our mesorah also whom we associate with particular quotes. Whether Rav Saadia Gaon brings to mind that אין אומתנו אומה אלא בתורותיה, that our national identity is formed and forged by Torah, the Chasam Sofer's line in one of his teshuvos of חדש אסור מן התורה. I remember my father zichrono livracha once commenting that he thinks that some people have an image that the Chasam Sofer walked around all day saying חדש אסור מן התורה, חדש אסור מן התורה. He said a few other things also in the course of his lifetime but be that as it may he's very much associated with that quote. In the case of the Sefer HaChinuch the quote which comes to mind right if you mention the Sefer HaChinuch so the most famous line whether it's hard to know in terms of his intent what he would want most to be immortalized for but certainly the line that comes to mind when we talk about the Sefer HaChinuch is אחרי הפעולות נמשכים הלבבות, that how our inner core is initially affected and ultimately shaped and molded by our actions. Incidentally if you look where the Chinuch presents it it seems like he understood the famous meimra in the Gemara

ואמר רב יהודה אמר רב לעולם יעסוק אדם בתורה ומצוות אפילו שלא לשמה שמתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה,

that a person should involve himself should preoccupy himself with studying Torah and fulfilling mitzvos even if he's not motivated by the purest of motives. Ultimately it will lead to lishma. So generally I think we understand that that has something to do with some special segulah some special quality of Torah. It's clear at least by implication that the Sefer HaChinuch understood this as an application of his behavioral principle of אחרי הפעולות נמשכים הלבבות and that this is an application of it. So since אחרי הפעולות נמשכים הלבבות so if the pe'ulos if the actions involve Torah involve mitzvos so then our hearts will be drawn after that as well, will be shaped will be molded and that's how the process of מתוך שלא לשמה בא לשמה unfolds. In the context of his presentation of this fundamental principle so he addresses his son as he does often throughout the course of the work and he says to him אל יבטיחך יצרך לומר, don't let your yetzer hara feel complacent and invulnerable אחרי היות לבי שלם ותמים באמונת אלקים, I believe firmly completely אני מאמין באמונה שלמה Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

מה הפסד יש כי אתענג לפעמים בתענוגי אנשים לשבת בשווקים וברחובות,

what what possible loss what's the downside what's the possible downside if I'll enjoy myself occasionally and I'll sit around in the marketplace in the gathering places להתלוצץ עם הליצים ולדבר צחות and we'll engage in a joking more in a cynical scoffing sense we'll amuse ourselves and we'll talk glibly. Elsewhere ledaber tzahos can sometimes have a positive connotation here it clearly doesn't, glib talking vekhayozeh be'elu hadevarim. Bni says the Sefer Hachinuch השמר מפניהם פן תלכד ברשתם. Don't give in to that yetzer hara because this will be a perfect example of אחרי הפעולות נמשכות הלבבות. That kind of again that kind of of of scoffing and glibness, that type of speech, it's gonna affect you inwardly. V'ata nafsh'cha tatzil and you, you have to you have to save your soul. One of the challenges in in the workplace when we leave the the insular confines of a shul, of our homes, is certainly the type of conversation. The conversation, let's say the the casual conversation at the water cooler or or whatever the the equivalent is in one's one's one's workplace. That's l'hislotzeitz im haleitzim and there's l'daber tzachus and one feels a certain implicit pressure again to one feels that maybe that's part of being collegial and maybe that's part of integrating into one's workplace. And it can seem it can seem to be somewhat innocent. The Sefer Hachinuch says again אחרי הפעולות נמשכות הלבבות. That type of of involvement is something which which affects us inwardly. How much more so if it's not just the glib type of speech that the Chinuch is talking about, but if it's just the crude speech which passes for commonplace in in our society, which is clearly I don't think the Ramban when he said that in in Parshas Kedoshim that nival peh constitutes a violation of kedoshim tihyu, I don't think the Ramban in his worst nightmares could imagine the way people speak in in our society. על אחת כמה וכמה besides the just inherent issurim involved, it takes a toll on us inwardly. But there is a I think a more subtle corollary and application of of this principle of the Sefer Hachinuch which is very relevant in the workplace. Not only actions but context, also subculture, also what's insinuated in the air also seeps in and affect and affects us. In virtually in unless one works for a nonprofit maybe maybe it's a little bit there also, but unless one works for a nonprofit the bottom line of everything whether one is in research or in finance or in law or accounting, the bottom line of everything is making money. That's it. How many billable hours, how much how much money and how much profit one is generating. That's what the business exists, the business exists to to make money and that's the bottom line. So the whole the whole culture is to make money. Success means to to have more more billable hours to the client. So that represents a greater success. So the whole mindset is one of money. That compounded by the fact that not only in terms of one's professional obligations and the expectations one has to meet and satisfy, but it's also present in a more subtle form as well, even what's the the lifestyle that's insinuated, the motivation. The motivation as I assume he prefers anonymity, as a dear friend of mine helped me with in pointing out the motivation of earning a bonus and what can be done with that money, the type of house, the type of car that can be purchased, the type of lifestyle that'll help subsidize, so all that is very much in the air in the workplace. And the more subtle corollary of the Chinuch's אחרי הפעולות נמשכים הלבבות is when those peulot are contextualized a certain way. And again, if everything ultimately is the bottom line, are we in the red, are we in the black, and by how much? So there's a certain context which very easily translates into thinking and defining everything we do in the workplace as for the sake of money, money, money, money. And it's something which again, it's a more subtle corollary and application of what the Chinuch is takka talking about, but because it's more subtle, it's even more insidious because it's harder to recognize. And because the influence is more insinuated in terms of the materialism and less explicit, it's also more deceptive. You know, in different areas in halacha, for instance, the Gemara in the beginning of Masechet Zevachim, the Gemara discusses what's the status when you do something stama without having a very clear conscious intent. So if the Kohen or in theory a non-Kohen is shachting a korban, so he really should be shachting it lishma. So what happens if he doesn't really stop to say his Hineni muchan u'mezuman? Excuse me, he just goes ahead and shachts. Is that stama lishma, is it not stama lishma? When a sofer rachmana litzlan is writing a get, is writing a bill of divorce that a husband's going to give his wife, so it has to be written lishma. So what happens he's writing the names, but he's not necessarily thinking about this particular man about this particular woman. Do you say stama lishma, do you not say stama lishma? So the Gemara distinguishes, and the Gemara says in some cases by shchitas kodshim, so we do say stama lishma, in other cases by get isha, we don't say stama lishma, and then from there we have to try to figure out how to apply it elsewhere. The stama in the workplace is a stama again which is very very materialistic. And unless one comes and very actively contextualizes what one is doing and why one is doing that, so the stama will define it as chemdas mamon, as desiring and just looking to amass money. If we just go out into the workplace, again just I'm not going out to get rich, I'm not being motivated by that, at least not initially. But if we don't actively, we'll discuss in a minute bli neder im yirtzeh hashem, but if we don't actively contextualize what we're doing, so then the workplace and the whole culture and the whole mindset of the workplace contextualizes it for us. And then what from a Torah perspective can potentially be very noble, can be very noble,

יפה תלמוד תורה עם דרך ארץ שיגיעת שניהם משכחת עון, גדול הנהנה מיגיע כפו יותר מירא שמים.

It's interesting in both contexts, in both contexts it speaks about yegia, not just a token, a token hishtadlus, but exertion. So it's something which again potentially is very noble, but only if we clearly clearly contextualize it as such. The stama of the workplace is not a stama lishma. The stama of the workplace, again, the definition which is imposed on what we're doing and therefore then becomes the definition after which nimshachim halevavos, after which our hearts... The Nefesh HaChaim says that even in the middle of learning, he says sometimes it's going to be necessary. A person is sitting and he couldn't be involved in a pursuit which is more intrinsically holy, which is more intrinsically sacred than sitting and learning. And he says vechen be'emtza halimmud, not only does a person kodem sheyaschil lilmod is it necessary that a person should be

משחשב מעט עם קונו יתברך שמו בטהרת הלב ויראת השם.

Not only is it necessary as a preliminary to beginning to learn that a person should reflect a little bit, commune a little bit with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, that he should undertake the learning with a sense of purity and with a sense of yiras shamayim, but he says vechen be'emtza halimmud. You have to interrupt at times, a person may feel that it's necessary to interrupt his learning, and if he feels that need

הרשות נתונה לאדם להפסיק זמן מעט טרם יכבה מלבו יראתו יתברך שמו.

If a person feels that the learning is becoming too much of just an intellectual challenge and an intellectual enterprise, not a religious one, and he feels the sense of yira with which he began learning, he feels that beginning to weaken and to fade, so then he should interrupt the learning, he should close the Gemara with a bookmark, he should close the Gemara for a moment and try to recharge his batteries, try to refocus. So if when we're sitting in a beis medrash learning Bava Basra, learning Daf Yomi, even then it can't be taken for granted that the initial momentum of I know what I'm doing here, I'm learning the Ribbono Shel Olam's Torah, what could be greater, what could be more sacred than that? Even that involvement needs to be the context has to be reinforced and has to be re-established על אחת כמה וכמה, it can't be that when I'm 22, 24, 26, however old, I take my first job, I think to myself you know why I'm taking a job? Because it's a mitzvah to make hishtadlus to earn a living, it's a mitzvah to go out and even though Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us everything, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu says he stipulates that we should take initiative and we should make effort, that's why I'm doing it. And then I'm never going to think that again until I get my golden watch when I retire. It doesn't even last, the Nefesh HaChaim says it may not even last throughout morning seder, על אחת כמה וכמה it doesn't last a day in the beis medrash, how can it last that long in Manhattan? So it means that we need to constantly reinforce what we're doing here, why we're here, and in what work represents to us and what it doesn't represent to us. If we do that, so then we define the pe'ulah, then we define the action that we're involved in, and it will be after that pe'ulah that nimshachim halevavos, that our heart will be drawn. Many of us I think have visited the olive wood factory in Meah Shearim. Anyone over four-foot-four should be careful to duck when they enter the store, and it's where you get the shtenders to use when you're learning. And for the same price they'll write a pasuk, they'll write a ma'amar on the shtender. So we all have the שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד or כי הם חיינו ואורך ימינו or whatever quote one wants, and you have it on your shtender. What's the thinking? It's there as a reminder. It's there as a reminder to look and to be reminded שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד, to be reminded כי הם חיינו ואורך ימינו. I should really be learning. So we need such, such, we need such reminders on our desk at work also. On our phone, on our desk, we need just constant reminders, constant reinforcement because a person has to be anchored and if a person's not anchored so then so then the same way when a boat, when a ship is not anchored it goes with the tide and if the tide is pulling out, it pulls it out. So the same thing is with a person. A person is not anchored, he has to be anchored and the only way to be anchored is if we're constantly, constantly reinforcing, reinforcing our, our beliefs. In a very similar vein, one of the things that's in the air in, in the workplace is that it's almost understood that everyone's looking for a promotion, everyone's vying for a promotion, everyone's looking to to climb the the corporate ladder. And that that maybe something that that a Frum Jew should be looking to do, maybe, maybe where where one is currently located so maybe the, maybe the remuneration isn't isn't adequate and and maybe one does need to to advance and one and and one should be mindful of that. But in the mindset of of the workplace, that can often become an end unto itself. Sometimes it's not just because I need the added parnassah, I need whatever, whatever raise that's going to give me in salary, but just it becomes an end unto itself to go higher and higher and higher. So here too again, we need again, these are powerful forces because what's in the air is is the most potent of all. Again, we just need constant, constant reminders on our desk so we should have, and I mean it literally, I don't mean this facetiously, I mean it very, very literally. On our desk it should say that העולם הזה דומה לפרוזדור and the Olam Haba is the trachlin and התקן עצמך בפרוזדור כדי שתכנס לטרקלין. On my desk, I should have sitting there that this world is the antechamber and it's a bridge, it's a way of getting to Olam Haba. Now if, if the promotion is something which is consistent and maybe even advances that, again maybe, maybe I need the added salary or maybe it's going to put me in a position to do all kinds of chasodim or or some other reason, okay, so be it. But it should be measured by that. It shouldn't just be that I get sucked into the corporate culture and because everyone who around me for whom Olam Hazeh is the ultimate world, it's not a, it's not a waiting station, it's not a bridge, is the ultimate world, so I have to make sure that I'm not sucked into that culture. And the only way to do that, the only way to do that is with constant reminders. Lunchtime, lunchtime, a person should have a seder at lunchtime. Again to try to contextualize and try to define what I'm doing here. I may be doing the same legal work, the same accounting work, the same actuary work as everyone around me but it doesn't mean that the context is the same, and therefore it's the context that defines what I'm doing. One of the big questions that one encounters again when one goes out into the into the workplace is how openly and how overt should one's religious identity be? Is it something that that does one look for those teshuvos which which exist, question is maybe those teshuvos wouldn't be written today given that that the social realities in America have changed. That's an open question, but there are teshuvos which say that a person can take his yarmulke off at work. There are some... Again, one would have to ask a moreh hora'ah whether or not those same teshuvos would be written today. So there are ways of even with one's yamalka on, there are ways of sort of downplaying and and making as inconspicuous as as possible or a person can just be more natural where it's going to be more conspicuous. It's interesting, you get the impression from from the Rishonim in Sanhedrin when the Gemara is talking about the chiyuv of Kiddush Hashem when when a person has an obligation to to sacrifice one's life, so if it's a time of a gezeiras hamalchus, so in that context where the Gemara talks about the shulayis, it sounds like that that there was a typical way in which Jews dressed. A way which distinguished them from gentiles. Part of what's accomplished by that is that if I come in from day one, come in from day one, and then they come in I'm wearing a very noticeable yamalka. And from day one I make clear that at least three hours before before shkiah on on Friday I absolutely have to leave. And from day one it's clear that at the core I'm a person who's committed, a person who aspires to be a religious Jew. So then I I create for myself a counter pressure. There's all kinds of pressures in the workforce, but the very minute I have outwardly identified as a religious Jew, no one wants to be thought of as a hypocrite. No one wants to be a hypocrite. And no one wants to be thought of as a hypocrite. And that's a very powerful force. As long as my my identity is sort of understated, so then if I talk the way other people talk at work, if I go to seasonal parties and and participate in those parties, so if my identity has been understated, so then no one no one doesn't raise any eyebrows. But if I've identified very openly and outwardly, not in an aggressive way, but just in an honest way. This is who I am. I'm an orthodox Jew. So that's why I'm that's why I'm wearing a that's why I'm wearing a yamalka. If I've identified that way, so really orthodox Jews talk that way? And and what are you doing at this seasonal party? I thought Chanukah was last week or or or two weeks ago? It creates a counter pressure. It creates a counter pressure. Because then then already people once I identify openly, so then people have certain expectations. They may even if they'll even if they'll be cynical about them, and even if at times they'll ridicule them, but they also will have certain expectations. And it's very important again not in an aggressive way, not not as they say nowadays, not not in your face, but just not to look to camouflage who we are, what we are. Because the very minute again my identity is open, that creates a counter pressure. It creates a counter pressure that I should remain I should remain loyal to my beliefs and on the other hand it also undercuts the pressure from the other side. How so? I was told that people who speech therapists who work with people who who have a problem with stuttering. So one of the strategies which they employ is they they tell the the person who's struggling with this issue that when you meet someone with whom you're gonna you'll begin learning with a new chavrusa, you're a teacher coming into a classroom, you you come into a workplace, people you're gonna be working with, so you should tell them upfront, you know I have this problem with stuttering and and you know I hope it's not gonna happen, but if it does, you know I I really appreciate that you're you know you'll stick with me, you'll bear with me. So why do you have to do that? Because otherwise the person lives with such a fear that they're gonna block and that they're not gonna be able to to produce a certain sound and that fear then is a trigger and that fear exacerbates the problem. As long as I look to downplay the fact that I'm an orthodox As long as they look to downplay that and not let it be known that I do some things differently. Yes, I'm collegial and I work hard and I'm industrious and I'm honest and I have integrity but there are things that I do differently. There are things where I'm going to be apart. There are things I can't be a part of. There's certain modes of speech, there's certain way of speaking that I'm not going to speak. There's certain topics I'm not going to talk about. There's certain activities that I can't be a part of. So the very minute that's known, so then I don't have to look to constantly oy vey if I don't react to this so they're going to figure out. If a person looks to downplay, to understate his religious identity, so then he creates an added pressure on himself that oh I may be exposed through this and how am I going to handle this? And it can easily lead to doing things which compromise our principles. Another issue which was brought to my attention is that in some corporate settings, in some jobs, there's a lot of stress placed on teamwork and being a team player and to facilitate it there are non-business meetings or outings or activities or retreats which I don't know if they're technically mandatory. I don't know whether one can be very open about saying either you show up or else, but quasi-mandatory. So it's a bigger topic than can be dealt with or that I'm capable of dealing with and obviously it needs to be dealt with on a very individualized basis, what exactly the activity is, what it involves. But I would just say the following. You know, sometimes we live with a little bit of an illusion. And that illusion is that every problem has to have a solution. And it's not true. Some problems don't have good solutions. And the only good solution is to try to foresee whether or not this work environment is going to pose that problem and is this really the work environment in which I want to place myself to begin with? It's not necessarily Torah, right? The Rav's 14th Ani Ma'amin, right? That Torah can be observed anywhere, anytime. That's true. That means that anywhere, anytime, if I'm careful and I'm prudent, I'll figure out how to keep Torah. It doesn't mean that I can go, doesn't mean I can put on a blindfold and walk and then wherever I'll end up and say, 'What? It has to be that there should be a solution to every problem.' Not every problem is going to have, if it's really expected on the job that I participate in these retreats and there's all kinds of inappropriate stuff happening, so in those cases there isn't, I don't know if there is going to be an adequate solution. And the adequate solution is to look ahead and when choosing a job, when choosing a work environment, to be sensitive to this type of issue. Is this something which is an important part of the corporate culture in this company? Is it something which is going to almost inevitably place me in a compromising position? And if that's the case, then it can't be that this is the job Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants me to take. It can't be that this is the hishtadlus which the Ribbono Shel Olam is looking for on my end. Just very quickly, one or two last observations. The workplace by definition is again a place of hishtadlus, a place where we work, we put in effort, energy, time and because of that, the danger of slipping into a mindset of Kochi V'otzem Yadi. There is a very very powerful and so so relevant Gemara in Masechet Niddah. The Gemara says that the Anshei Alexandria asked Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananya twelve questions. Amongst those twelve questions מה יעשה אדם ויתעשר? You'd think they would have gone to Warren Buffett with that but no they went to Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananya. So they said to Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananya מה יעשה אדם ויתעשר? How do you how do you make your... it's not first million anymore... how do you make your first ten million? How do you make how do you make the first ten million? Amar lahem different girsa'os, the Gaon's girsa of what we have printed what we have printed is yarbeh beschorah you want to get rich you have to do a lot of business veyisa veyiten be'emunah but be honest you have to you have to be honest about it. So they say to him amru lo הרבה עשו כן ולא הועילו. He says a lot of people that they do business honestly and they invest a lot of time in business and they don't get rich. אלא יבקש רחמים ממי שהעושר שלו. Doesn't he have to daven to Hakadosh Baruch Hu to the one who to whom all wealth belongs? Shene'emar לי הכסף ולי הזהב. So says the Gemara מאי קא משמע לן? דהא בלא הא לא סגי. One without the other doesn't work. One without the other doesn't work. The hishtadlus doesn't work without the tfillah and tfillah doesn't work without the hishtadlus. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu stipulated yup it's yegia kapecha. We have to make the hishtadlus but דהא בלא הא לא סגי but without the tfillah it doesn't do anything. Every day before I walk into the office I say a tfillah. So the tfillah again besides hopefully facilitating success also reminds me that yes as commanded I'm going to do my best but ultimately again it has to be with a siyata d'shmaya it has to be with a siyata d'shmaya. It's not going to be the kochi ve'otzem yadi. And finally Chazal tell us that ein apitropus l'arayos that when it comes to arayos when it comes to promiscuity so no one is to be trusted. The phrase which they quote from the Yerushalmi is striking afilu chasid shebechasidim. Afilu chasid shebechasidim. The most devout person. Again a chasid means someone who goes beyond what's required who does everything possible imaginable conceivable in his avodas Hashem afilu chasid shebechasidim the Yerushalmi says is ein apitropus l'arayos. It's such a strong yetzer hara such a strong yetzer hara. And here too whatever our self-perception may be we can't think of ourselves as being more than a chasid shebechasidim. More than that we have to admit that we're not. And Chazal say even there ein apitropus l'arayos. So it means I have to be careful. It means I have to know again in terms of is this a work environment in which I can function? So I have to know. Again this example was suggested to me. Am I going to be called on to work late hours at night? And maybe there's just going to be... maybe I'm going to be alone with a female coworker? Two three... maybe there'll be enough that it won't be technically issur yichud? Maybe have to check that out. But ein apitropus l'arayos it's a big big problem and it's one again none of these problems are insoluble. But the point is the stamah if a person just goes to work without being on guard without checking to see is this a work environment where I'm going to again involuntarily find myself in this type of situation? Undesirable things can result. The challenges and even dangers of the workplace shouldn't, shouldn't prevent us from recognizing there's also tremendous potential for Kiddush Hashem. Yeah, there are challenges, even dangers, but there's also tremendous potential for Kiddush Hashem. None of this is to say that we should be hiding under our beds. That's not, that's not the upshot. There remains, again, tremendous potential. Again, one's yarmulke firmly, visibly in place to make a tremendous Kiddush Hashem. But to do that, we have to be anchored, and to do that, we have to be very, very conscious and sensitive to the challenges.