viduy shel teshuva/kapara continued

Is the mitzvah's viduy of kaparah. The mitzvah's viduy when a person is on the threshold of kaparah, that's already a different side of viduy. And again, that accounts for the stiras in the Rambam of the two ikkaros of viduy. And in terms of the makor in the Torah, so that's what we're suggesting that Parshas Naso vehisvadu is the viduy of teshuvah and then in Parshas Acharei Mos vechiper ba'ado is the makor for this din of viduy shel kaparah. There's just one one one other he'arah. Again, in the ikkaros of viduy of פרק א הלכה א where the Rambam is talking about this viduy of teshuvah, so again the Rambam here is presenting again only those most fundamental elements of teshuvah which have to be reflected in the viduy shel teshuvah and in that context the Rambam says הרי נחמתי ובושתי במעשי. Right, the emphasis not only on nichamti on charata but on busha as well. And again, we have this in the psukim that we said last night as part of Selichos: בשתי ולהרים אלקי פני אליך. The psukim in Ezra, Nechemya, in Yirmeyahu, the emphasis on busha. You have it in the Rabbeinu Yonah as well in Sha'arei Teshuvah, one of the ikkarim of teshuvah is busha according to Rabbeinu Yonah. Why is the busha so important? So one answer is that busha is simply a way of measuring one's regret. Exactly how much does a person regret? You can regret something, but you regret it rather casually. I regret not having invested in a certain stock last week; it just went up, I would have made five hundred dollars. Okay, so it's a casual casual regret. But if a person regrets something to the point of being shamed, feeling shame and humiliation, so that means it's very profound. So the busha is a way of measuring the charata. And that's certainly certainly correct. But lechora it means more as well. Lechora it means more as well. What's pshat? Let's say we know from Bava Kamma from HaChovel from Chamishah Devarim from boshes that busha means if something if something happens to a person in private and is not witnessed by anyone else, a person doesn’t feel busha. Let's say if if you walk into a room full of people and you trip over your own feet, so it's very embarrassing, it's terribly embarrassing. If the same thing happens to you when you walk into an empty room, it's not embarrassing. You may be angry at yourself, you may be frustrated, you may have some other emotion, but you don't feel busha. You only feel busha when someone witnessed what happened to you. So then you're embarrassed that that person should have seen again seen the way the way you tripped over your own feet. That's what the source of busha is always the fact that someone else is watching, someone else saw. That's what generates busha. Again, if if the same thing would happen in a room and no one was there, a person wouldn't feel any busha. When a person is misbayesh al avonosov, right, Chazal say in Gemara Brachos, if a person is misbayesh, מוחלין לו כל עונותיו. If a person is misbayesh on his aveira, so then Hakadosh Baruch Hu's מוחל לו כל עונותיו. So the pshat is that the person feels acutely the presence of the Ribbono Shel Olam. Because why else would I be misbayesh? If I did something that no one here knows of, no one knows of, it happened in private, no one else knows, so why do I feel embarrassed? There's no reason to feel embarrassed. You don't... A person who is misbayesh in doing teshuvah means that he now has an acute awareness of being in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And that is a necessary component of teshuvah because that's always missing in cheit. That the only way a person is ever nichshal b'cheit,

אין אדם חוטא אלא אם כן נכנס בו רוח שטות.

So what does the ruach shtus have to consist of? The ruach shtus has to consist of that he's not aware of being in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence. Because there's no one who would be in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence intentionally, intentionally go against the devar Hashem. If we do it, it's because we're unaware, right? Because we're masei'ach da'as from His presence. So therefore you can't have teshuva without busha, because the way to correct it, the countermeasure is that a person should now again, as part of his teshuva, become so acutely aware of being lifnei Hashem that he feels this busha, hence its centrality to mitzvas teshuva. I hope we should be zocheh to implement these things over the next few weeks. We'll end now and tomorrow we'll plan to finish the sugya in Gimmel amud beis. Last week we spoke about how accountability, being omed l'din v'cheshbon, is not merely something that we do once a year bein keseh l'asor, but is rather a defining feature of a person. That the tzelem Elokim of a person, part of that tzelem Elokim again, which certainly defines a person, is that he's a ba'al bechirah, and in the Torah, ba'al bechirah can never be separated from being a bar din v'cheshbon. Those two go hand in hand. That the privilege and the capacity to be a ba'al bechirah carries with it the responsibility of being a bar din v'cheshbon, of having accountability. And b'chora, you see this very powerfully. Again, that din v'cheshbon is not something which a person is subjected to, but accountability is, again, that's the defining, a defining tchunah of a person. You see it very powerfully in at least two things. Number one, the Gemara in Rosh Hashanah in Tes-Zayin, when it quotes the Baraisa, the various views in the Tanna'im of when exactly a person is nidon. So there are two very, very striking opinions here in the Tanna'im. Rabbi Yosei says אדם נידון בכל יום שנאמר ותפקדנו לבקרים. Rabbi Nassan omer אדם נידון בכל שעה שנאמר לרגעים תבחננו. Rabbi Yosei says a person is nidon daily. According to Rabbi Nassan, a person is nidon every instant, every instant. So what's the pshat? Clearly again, clearly the pshat is: what do you mean a person is nidon constantly? Let's say physically, if you want to describe a person physically, so you'll say that his chiyus depends upon living in a certain atmosphere. He has to have oxygen, he has to live in the right atmosphere in order to survive. Because that's part of what defines who he is, what he is, as a physical being. So says Rabbi Nassan אדם נידון בכל שעה, because that's what a person is. A person is a bar din v'cheshbon. Again, it's not something incidental to the person, but it goes to the very core of who a person is, of what a person is, that he's a bar din, that he's omed l'din. And m'meila again, so even Rabbi Meir, Rabbi Yehuda, even the tanna of our Mishna, that נידון בראש השנה נחתם גזר דינו ביום כיפור, so l'maiseh Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Hakadosh Baruch Hu holds us to that din v'cheshbon once a year. But again, in terms of what the core of a person is, that accountability lies at the core of who we are, what we are, that b'chora is clear. The other b'chora, very striking fact that underscores this idea: the Gemara says here on Daf Kaf-Zayin, again it alludes to the machlokes Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Yehoshua which appears in other places as well.

כמאן מצלינן האידנא זה היום תחלת מעשיך זכרון ליום ראשון.

When we say in the davening on Rosh Hashanah that zeh hayom, today is techilas ma'asecha, the day on which the world began, כמאן כרבי אליעזר דאמר בתשרי. And Adam Harishon was created on Rosh Hashanah. Adam Harishon was created on Rosh Hashanah. So what's the significance of that? What's the message of that that Adam Harishon was created on Rosh Hashanah? Again, it sends the same message as to who Adam is, as to what Adam is, that he was born, he was created, he was nivra on Yom Hadin because that's who he is, that's what he is. It's not something incidental, it's not something in addition that he deals with. That's who he is, what he is, and that's why Adam was created on Rosh Hashanah. Now Rabbeinu Tam here is bothered with the fact that elsewhere we seem to pasken like Rabbi Yehoshua that Adam nivra be-Nissan, that be-Nissan nivra olam, not be-Tishrei. And yet the Gemara here seems to account for our practice of saying זה היום תחלת מעשיך זכרון ליום ראשון, which in fact we do, by saying that that follows the opinion of Rabbi Eliezer. So Rabbeinu Tam says and then he comments as well

ומה שיסד רבי אליעזר הקליר בגשם דשמיני עצרת כרבי אליעזר דאמר בתשרי נברא העולם ובשל פסח יסד כרבי יהושע אמר רבינו תם דאלו ואלו דברי אלקים חיים. ואיכא למימר דבתשרי עלה במחשבה לבראות ולא נברא עד ניסן דכוותה אשכחן בפרק האשה פוסקין גבי אדם שעלה במחשבה לבראות שנים ולבסוף לא נברא אלא אחד.

So Rabbeinu Tam says that betchila ala bemachshava that Adam should be created in Tishrei. However למעשה לא נברא עד ניסן. The question is what does it mean when you say that בתחלה עלה במחשבה לבראות, דבתשרי עלה במחשבה לבראות. That kavyachol to Hakadosh Baruch Hu the idea to create Adam, to create the world, to create Adam, that that machshava occurred in chodesh Tishrei. But the actual briat ha'olam didn't occur until chodesh Nissan. So what does that mean? What does that mean? Obviously it's a mashal. I mean time didn't exist right before the, before the world existed, time didn't exist. Time is created the way the world is created. So there was no, there was no Nissan, there was no Tishrei, there was no, there was no time. There was no time before the world existed. So what does it mean that בתשרי עלה במחשבה לבראות but the act which is Rabbi Eliezer, but the actual briya didn't happen until Nissan? So be-vi'ur it means as follows. Ala bemachshava leibarei represents what the ideal is. The ideal is that a person should be nivra be-Tishrei. Why? Because again, nivra be-Tishrei represents that the mahut of a person is his accountability, that everything a person does, every, everything a person says, everything a person does is ausgecheshbon. That a person calculates whatever he says, whatever he does, in terms of is it right, is it wrong, what are the consequences of what I'm about to say, what are the consequences of what I'm about to do. That's the ideal and the ideal is that a person should be held to that absolute standard of accountability, that his mahut is a mahut of din vecheshbon and that his continued existence should be predicated upon his answering to that standard, to that standard of absolute accountability. However, אדם אין צדיק בארץ אשר יעשה טוב ולא יחטא. A person although his mahus is that he's a ba'al din vecheshbon never successfully answers to that standard 100%. So therefore niver b'Nissan. What does Nissan represent? What what koach, what essential attribute which lies at the core of a person does Nissan represent? So what do we see that the Torah associates with Nissan? Rashi tells us at the beginning of Sefer Bereishis, Amar Rabbi Yitzchak, the Torah should have begun with החודש הזה לכם ראש חודשים, which is המצווה ראשונה שנצטוו בה. What do you mean it's המצווה ראשונה שנצטוו בה? You have milah earlier, you have gid hanasheh earlier. So what do you mean it's המצווה ראשונה שנצטוו בה? It's not המצווה ראשונה שנצטוו בה. So what does it mean? So clearly what Rashi means is המצווה ראשונה שנצטוו בה that whereas the mitzvah of gid hanasheh is communicated to Bnei Yisrael, it's communicated to the children of Yaakov. Milah is communicated to Zera Avraham, not even exclusively זרע אברהם יצחק ויעקב. Zera Avraham. Those mitzvos weren't given to a new entity of Klal Yisrael. The first mitzvah which the Torah communicates to Klal Yisrael as such, again, not as having a common ancestor, Avraham Yitzchak ve-Yaakov, not just to זרע אברהם יצחק ויעקב, but but an am, an eidah, is החודש הזה לכם ראש חודשים, is אל עדת בני ישראל. It's that the mitzvos of Parshas Bo were to adas Bnei Yisrael. So in Chodesh Nissan, what happened in Chodesh Nissan? Chodesh Nissan, so Klal Yisrael is born. It's a month of hischadshus. It's a month of hischadshus. That's also what the Gemara in Megillah tells us that the trumah chadashah begins in Chodesh Nissan because in Chodesh Nissan is a time lechadesh, right? You have to be mechadesh and bring from the trumah chadashah in Chodesh Nissan. So Rabbi Yehoshua says, and and again, Rabbeinu Tam he merges the two, is במחשבה עלה להבראות בחודש ניסן. A person is a ba'al din vecheshbon. That's the core of a person, bein Rabbi Eliezer bein Rabbi Yehoshua, and that's what it means that kavyachol the machshavah for brias haolam, brias haadam is associated with Tishrei, with din. However, the actual the actual briah is in Nissan because in order for a person to be able to answer to that din vecheshbon, the Torah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu had to endow us with a koach of hischadshus. And that's what Nissan represents, again, chadesh and havei mitrumah chadashah. It represents this koach of hischadshus which again comes via teshuvah. When a person is chozer b'teshuvah, so that's the way he is mischadesh. That's the way he renews himself, that's the way he recreates himself. So again, how beautiful. That's what Rabbeinu Tam tells us is yes, they're both true as אלו ואלו דברי אלוהים חיים, is betishrei ala bemachshava, bemachshava also lehivaros, the ba'al din vecheshbon, but in order to be a ba'al din vecheshbon Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, I have to endow them with this koach of hischadshus and this ability to do teshuvah, and it's only through teshuvah that a person can answer to that din vecheshbon which is so crucial for what what it means to be a person. And then what Rabbeinu Tam says would remarkably parallel, the question is why he doesn't cite this, why he cites the the other case from Eiruvin, would remarkably parallel what again Rashi quotes at the beginning of Bereishis, Bereishis bara Elokim and it's only later ביום עשות ה' אלוהים ארץ ושמים. So again. And then Rashi has a similar type of idea, has a similar type of idea that originally Hakadosh Baruch Hu thought to create the world Bemidas Hadin, Kevayachol ראה שאין העולם מתקיים ושותף עמו מדת הרחמים, Hado Hu Dichsiv ביום עשות ה' אלקים ארץ ושמים. So again the same question. Obviously, obviously the Mashal has no literal meaning. There's no Havah Aminas and Maskanas by the Ribbono Shel Olam. So what does it mean? Again, so Lichora you have to say Chazal mean the same thing, that Betchila Alsa Bamachshava means that's the ideal. And a person should know that that's the ideal. The ideal is that a person should try to answer to pure Din. Ella Mai Hakadosh Baruch Hu said in practice obviously that's not how the world is going to be created because a person won't be able to answer to pure Din. But a person has to know that Bemachshava is that the world should be created Bemidas Hadin, Bemachshava that a person should be Nivra in Tishrei, and that's what a person has to aspire to, that's what a person has to strive towards. Lemaiseh Shitef Imo Middas HaRachamim. Lemaiseh a person was Nivra with a Koach of Hischadshus, with a Koach of Teshuva in Chodesh Nissan. Two simple, obvious comments about this Koach of Hischadshus which we were given by being Nivra in Nissan. Famous Gemara in Avoda Zara of Rabbi Elazar Ben Dordia of

שמים וארץ בקשו עלי רחמים, הרים וגבעות בקשו עלי רחמים.

Ultimately Rabbi Elazar Ben Dordia comes to the realization that

אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי. אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי.

So we also have that tendency to look outward because when you look outward it's easier to affect change. But Lemaiseh the greatness of the Koach of Teshuva is that a person changes himself. But to do that we have to realize that אין הדבר תלוי אלא בנו. That whatever else, whatever circumstances may exist, but the stage on which Teshuva is played out is inward. אין הדבר תלוי אלא בנו. The other important, again, simple, obvious but important fact not to overlook when thinking about Teshuva is that while clearly Chazal tell us that it's possible Besha'ah Achas. Again, that same Maiseh illustrates and confirms it. The Gemara in Kiddushin of שמא הרהר בלבו תשובה confirms it. While it's possible to do Teshuva Besha'ah Achas, certainly experience tells us that if the Teshuva's going to last, so our Teshuva has to be something which is prolonged and which we're constantly working on. The Rambam has the phrase in Perek Beis of Hilchos Teshuva when he talks about Midarkei HaTeshuva, Lihyos Zoek, etc. So the Rambam says Tamid. That when he describes the Darkei HaTeshuva of a Chozer BiTeshuva, Rambam says Tamid. Meaning that no matter how great the Hisorerus a person has on Rosh Hashanah when he says Lamnatzeiach before Neilah when the Shliach Tzibbur says the Kaddish before Neilah, no matter how great the Hisorerus is, if the Teshuva's going to last, so the Teshuva has to be Tamid. It has to be something that a person is not masei'ach da'as from. If, again, in a moment of hisorerus, so a person realizes what middos he has to be mesaken. A person realizes, recognizes what flaws have to be corrected. So it's not enough that moment of insight, that moment of clarity, unless it's something that we consciously, actively seek to perpetuate and translate into various kabbalos. Again, individualized, each one for his own situation, unless you have that middah of teshuva that tamid a person is preoccupied with teshuva, so then the teshuva is fleeting. The teshuva is fleeting and it doesn't, it doesn't last. And it's only if a person again, it can be the hisorerus can be in a minute. It can be besha'ah achas. It can happen, the koach of hischadshus, hisorerus is so great that it can happen besha'ah achas, but only if that sha'ah achas, if there's a consistent and constant follow-up to that sha'ah achas. The Rambam's tamid in Perek Beis. Otherwise, the teshuva can be as fleeting as the moment of hisorerus was.