Shaarei Teshuva, Shaar 1, Ikar3-5

I think we left off talking about Ikar Hashlishi. Ikar Hashlishi what Rabbeinu Yona says is Yagon, which would seem to translate as a profound sense of sorrow and distress. And the difference between that and Charata of the Ikar Harishon, not only in terms of the depth and intensity of the feeling, but what the trigger is. The trigger for the Charata that Rabbeinu Yona describes in the Ikar Harishon is yirat ha'onesh.

יושיב אל לבו כי יש עונש ונקם ישולם על העוון

kama shene'emar li nakam veshilem

ויתחרט על מעשיו ויאמר בלבו מה עשיתי איך לא היה פחד אלהים לנגד עיני ולא יגורתי מתוכחות על עוון ומהשפטים הרעים כי רבים מכאובים לרשע.

ma she'ein ken here what we commented in the Ikar Hashlishi, Rabbeinu Yona doesn't need to invoke that this deeper sense of Yagon is occasioned by contemplating the accountability, by contemplating sof ha'onesh, but it's rather just a sense of just how the ultimate in brazenness that Hakadosh Baruch Hu yesh me'ayin gave and gives us life, and how can it be that the way a person reciprocates that life is through chet. He gave the mashal to someone who was unemployed, homeless, totally destitute, how can it be that he'll turn around and embezzle from his benefactor? No need to contemplate the jail terms that he may be facing for embezzlement in order to have that sense of Yagon. The leshonot in Rabbeinu Yona are remarkably precise. In the Ikar Harishon, if you go back to what Rabbeinu Yona says, יבין לבבו כי רע ומר עזבו את ה'. First Hakadosh Baruch Hu is Hashem. How does he in the Ikar Hashlishi, what here Rabbeinu Yona's lashon is

ישתומם על יופיו ויחשוב כמה רבה רעת מי שהמרה את יוצרו.

First Hakadosh Baruch Hu as the Yotzer. That's exactly the point he's conveying, right? In the Charata is occasioned, is triggered, again just a person gets behind the wheel when he's intoxicated and he wrecks the car and he faces lawsuits. It's the consequences. So he thinks of Hakadosh Baruch Hu again, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is השם שופט כל הארץ. In the Ikar Hashlishi with the Yagon again is occasioned not by the consequences but just the brazenness of the ingratitude, the brazenness of the denial. So here the whole point is to think of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in terms of being the Yotzer, because Hakadosh Baruch Hu's the Yotzer, that's what occasions that sense of Yagon. The leshonot are so remarkably precise. The question has basically been anticipated and answered, if if basically yagon is is a deeper, more intense form of charata as Rabbeinu Yonah indicated כי יתכן שיתחרט וירע בעיניו ולא השלים חוקו בזה. It has to be not only a charata but a yagon, so why list charata separately? That's if if on the emotional scale of of inner feeling and experience so the charata is is a five and and the yagon is an eight or ten, so why bother if you have to hit the eight, if you have to hit the ten so why why list and and mention individually the five because basically what Rabbeinu Yonah is is depicting is is the yagon again is is a deeper, more profound, more intense again sense of of sorrow and and distress. It's it's it's charata but but experienced in in a much deeper and much more profound sense. So so why bother why bother listing it separately just just it's bichlal matayim maneh. So so why bother listing it separately? So the answer is agam that again on an emotional scale it's bichlal matayim maneh but it's part of the teshuva again agam that that in terms of ikarei hateshuva so the charata doesn't suffice but but heyos that the charata is occasioned by a different perspective by a different angle that perspective is also part of the teshuva. Meaning that that charata and yagon it's not only what distinguishes them is not only the depth and the magnitude of the experience but what the trigger is, what the perspective is, what the vantage point is that gives rise to each, right? The vantage point the perspective that gives rise to to charata is the is the the awareness that one's past reckless actions that the person was totally totally oblivious of דע לפני מי אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון was was totally oblivious of of accountability. Yagon it's not only that that the yagon is is a deeper, more profound experience but that it arises from a different vantage point from a different perspective on cheit and that's why you can't just fold the two the one, you can't say that it's bichlal matayim maneh. You you hear that rabbosai? It's it's an important the the ikkar is not only the the emotional experience, the ikkar is not only the kiyum shebalev, it's the perspective which gives rise to that that kiyum shebalev. And therefore the fact that that if if one just looks at the experience so yagon encompasses charata and just goes deeper in terms of its depth in terms of its intensity, but what Rabbeinu Yonah was describing is is a charata which again arises from a certain perspective and that's also a perspective on cheit. A person is supposed to have all these perspectives on cheit. He's supposed to looking at his cheit he's supposed to have a sense of regret of I can't believe how how foolishly and and how mindlessly and and how recklessly I I acted and and was living. Agam the that what that generates isn't as deep as what the what will generate the yagon but that perspective on cheit is an ikkar hateshuva. That perspective on cheit is an ikkar. Rabbeinu Yona here, it's something that he's going to repeat again shortly in the ikkar hachamishi, but in os yud gimmel Rabbeinu Yona tells us a underscores a fundamental point, madregos hateshuva umaaloseha, the different levels and degrees of teshuva that a person attains, that a person can attain. So the defining element is לפי גודל המרירות ועוצם היגון. The essence of teshuva is that sense of merirus that a person feels, that a person experiences in contemplating cheit and the tokef, the force of the yagon that the person feels. In the ikkar hachamishi, towards the end of os yud ches, so Rabbeinu Yona returns and again underscores this point, כי עיקר התשובה במרירות הלב כאשר בארנו. There's a famous teshuva from the Noda Biyehudah. The Noda Biyehudah was asked to write a regimen for teshuva for someone who had been nichshal repeatedly ba'aveira chamura. So the Noda Biyehudah says he doesn't he doesn't write teshuvos when you don't have the meforash sugyos in Shas which provide the guidance. And what you're asking about a regimen for teshuva and and for fasting, teshuvos, and these hanhagos, he says we don't really have in Chazal the the hadracha. He says but since you're you're really pressing me and that so but in that context he says that that person should know that whatever hanhagos are associated with doing teshuva, he underscores this same point as the Rabbeinu Yona, the ikkar of the teshuva is that sense of merirus, is that sense of again of remorse, of distress in reflecting on again the brazenness, Rachmana litzlan, of cheit. And that's what Rabbeinu Yona is saying, he is saying that's the that's the core of the teshuva. So it's the degree to which we're able to awaken that and experience that, so that determines what the the level, what the degree of a teshuva is. Teshuva's a whole spectrum, it's not just a point on the spectrum, it's a whole spectrum of teshuva.

מדריגות התשובה ומעלותיה לפי גודל המרירות ועוצם היגון והיא התשובה אשר תבוא מדרך טוהר הנפש וזיכוך שכלו כי לפי שכלו וכפי אשר תפקחנה עיניו יאבל ויעצם מאד מאד יגונו ברעיוניו על רוב עונותיו.

The degree that that a person sees clearly, to that degree the sense of yagon will intensify.

כמו שנאמר כי לא לעולם אריב ולא לנצח אקצוף כי רוח מלפני יעטוף ונשמות אני עשיתי. כי הוא מן העליונה.

The ruach which is milfanai, when it will be ya'atof. But what does ya'atof mean? The Yonah doesn't spell it out. Sounds like he's saying as Rashi says there in Yeshayahu, yikana. But when there will be a sense of hachna'ah, a sense of tza'ar, unishamos asher asisi, so what response does that elicit from Hakadosh Baruch Hu?

לא לעולם אריב ולא לנצח אקצוף. כי איך לא אחון וארחם על נפש יקרה שהיא מלפני ונשמות אני עשיתי. על כן יקל העוון

and the hacheit is downgraded by degrees כפי אשר תכבד עבודת האנחה. The more that the person has that krechts, the more the person has the sorrow and distress about cheit, so the more the cheit is diminished and downgraded.

כי היגון יבוא מאת טוהר הנשמה העליונה ונסרצה בזה יותר מאשר תירצה ברוב ייסורי הגוף ומחלתו.

For a person to, as it were, to return to Hakadosh Baruch Hu's good graces, as it were, the sense of anachah that he has is much, much more significant and much more meaningful than whatever physical yissurim he'll subject himself to. At the end of the day, the physical is external, is external. The sense of merirus comes from the inner core of the person, from the neshamah. You know, the most challenging mitzvos, the most challenging mitzvos that kimidumeh consistently for most of us, are mitzvos where the kiyum is a kiyum shebalev. When the mitzvah is more or entirely in terms of what's me'akev, a question of externals, it's easier for us to relate to. Okay, mistama there are all kinds of kavanos one can have and ba'alei avodah do have when they take a lulav and then they make the nanu'im, but lema'aseh, the ma'aseh midei dehu bei and even there's a bechinah of shiyarei mitzvah of just making the nanu'im even without all the kavanos nisgavos that the ba'alei avodah have, we can relate to the mitzvah. But when the mitzvah is, or when the core, the crux of the mitzvah is the inner experience, so then we're much more challenged and that recognition means that it requires much more effort to break through and to have that, to try to awaken that experience. And the Yonah is going to later, later in the Ikar Hashemini, he'll have some practical recommendations for this, but lechora part of it is it just requires time and reflection and solitude to try to feel and not just do. And this is with the ikkar of the ועיקר העבודה הצד הנעשה. First one should feel physically, should feel this distress. And it should be something that's not only an intellectual and emotional thing, not just an emotional thing, but that it can also translate physically.

כמו שנאמר וגם עתה שובו עדי בכל לבבכם ובצום ובבכי ובמספד. ואמרו ז"ל הלב והעיניים שני סרסורי החטא.

The two scouts for chet, the two brokers for chet are the lev and the einayim. Lev here in the sense of the seat of desire.

וכן כתוב ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם. וכן בזאת יכופר עוון הסרסורים.

The way that atonement is is attained for the scouts, for the brokers of chet, במידת תשובתם כנגד מידת משובתם. Amsalem had sensitivity to language, to facility of expression. Back to the Torah. Midat teshuvatam, the degree of their teshuva should correspond to midat meshuvatam, to the degree of their waywardness.

כי יכופר עוון הלב והחוטאים במרירותם ואנחתם והשבר אשר הם נשברים בו.

The kaparah for the for the way which acted as as a scout for chet is again through the merirus, through the the heartfelt sighs.

כמו שכתוב כי רוח מלפני יעטוף ונאמר לב נשבר ונדכה אלוקים לא תבזה.

Vehamashal hazeh, says Rabbeinu Yonah,

מן הכלים הטמאים אשר נשברו מטומאתם טהרו. כמו שנאמר תנור וכיריים יותץ.

And a kli cheres has no taharah in a mikvah. And a kli cheres becomes tamei, so you can't be matbil it in a mikvah to dispel its tumah. The only thing that rids a kli cheres of its tumah is Tanur vechirayim yutatz. It has to be smashed. It has to be broken. That a kli cheres requires shvirah in order for it to to leave its tumah.

ועוון העיניים יכופר בדמעות. כמו שאמר כמו שכתוב פלגי מים ירדו עיני על לא שמרו תורתך. לא אמר לא שמרתי תורתך אבל אמר לא שמרו. כי הם סיבבו החטא.

They, my eyes, they were the catalysts for chet. על כן הורדתי פלגי מים. Interesting in what Rashi quotes, the same Chazal on the pasuk in Parshat Shelach, ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם. So the Torah mentions אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם. The Torah mentions lev and then mentions ayin. And Rashi writes that העין רואה והלב חומד. Rashi inverts the the sequence. Rashi has has ayin before lev. So I heard a tape once from Rabbi Betzalel Zolty where he explained very beautifully that Rashi's filling in what the Torah takes for granted, what the Torah expected us to realize on our own, dahaynu, that's what Chazal say that אין יצר הרע שולט אלא במה שעינו רואה. Where does a person where do we get all the where does the einfal of all the all the taivas that we have, all the yetzer haras we have? So where does the where does the notion come in in the first place? So the notion comes from what we're exposed to, or what we expose ourselves to. Just as Chazal said that אין יצר הרע שולט אלא במה שעיניו רואות, Chazal comment on Yitzchak, ויהי כי זקן יצחק ותכהין עיניו מראות, so then Yitzchak Avinu had no yetzer hara because, Rachmana litzlan, vata'cheina einav me're'os, he couldn't see anymore. So it's what we expose ourselves to that then that sort of feeds the imagination, that feeds the, that's what allows for the desire. So then halev chomed, and then ha'ayin also plays a role in terms of scanning out how I can go about indulging that yetzer hara. That's what he went on to discuss in that shmuess: the importance of trying to monitor what we're exposed to, what we expose ourselves to, because ultimately the beginning of the yetzer hara, the first stage of the yetzer hara, is what a person sees, is what a person makes himself aware of. When a child picks himself up and says to his or her parents whether they want this toy or this phone or this gadget or whatever it is, so where did that come from? He saw. He saw what they were exposed to, other kids who were given a smartphone in nursery or preschool and they see it in playgroup. It comes from ha'ayin ro'ah. So ha'ayin ro'ah feeds into the halev chomed, and it's a very very important yesod, a very important sensitivity to have, to realize what the initial trigger, what the initial catalyst is for the setting off of the yetzer hara. So many of the luxuries and indulgences that we acquire for ourselves, we couldn't on our own imagine such a thing. On our own moment imagine that you need a house with something like this, you need a car with something like this. It doesn't correspond to any need per se that a person has, ela mai, we see it. Ayin ro'ah, and then halev chomed. The fifth Mishnah in Zevachim, had'agah. Why?

ידאג ויפחד מעונש עונותיו. יש עונות שהתשובה תולה כפרתן ויסורין ממרקין,

kemo shene'emar,

כי עוני אגיד אדאג מחטאתי. עניין היגון על שעבר ועניין הדאגה על העתיד.

So charata and yagon, the regret, the sorrow and distress, is when a person is looking back. A person has charata. He has distress that he acted whether it was mindlessly recklessly whether it was brazenly. And inyan hade'agah is when he looks forward to what the future may hold for him as a result. Let's just see. The Rabbeinu Yonah has at least three, three elements to the de'agah. Let's just see the three and then try to understand the rule. Ve'od shenis yidag, a person should also worry not just about what the consequences of cheit that lie in store that אולי הוא מקצר בחובות התשובה בצער ובמרירות ובצום ובבכי, that maybe the teshuvah that he's that he's doing that he has done is not adequate.

וגם כי הרבה צער והרבה בכי ישחל ויירא אולי לעומת זה הרבה אשמו ולא השלים חוקו את כל עומתו אשר יבכה ויצר נפשו.

A second element, a second trigger for de'agah is a sense of concern that maybe maybe my teshuvah is not adequate. Ve'od yidag and in os yud zayin, Ve'od yidag ba'al teshuvah פן יתגבר עליו יצרו. We should also have worry, we should be concerned that just as Rachmana litzlan we recognize, we realize that in the past we were nichshal. It should be a source of deep concern to us lest that repeat itself. כמו שאמרו ז"ל אל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך kal vachomer האיש שנצחו לבו כבר. If you have someone who's never chata in his life, Chazal say אל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך, how much more so a person who's already been defeated by the yetzer hara. כי ראוי להישמר מן היצר האורב בכל עת. A person has to be on guard against being ambushed by the yetzer. ולהוסיף בנפשו יראת השם יום יום, to try to daily improve upon, increase, intensify yiras hashem.

ותהיה לו למעוז בעבור עליו כל משברי היצר המתרגש ובא.

And that will the increase in yiras shamayim will be a fortress, it will fortify him against the waves of of the yetzer. What's the chidush of de'agah? Rabbeinu Yonah is again telling us something so so insightful. The emes is that cheit comes from a sense of smugness. The Torah depicts this in very stark terms when when it describes the person

והתברך בלבבו לאמר שלום יהיה לי כי בשרירות לבי אלך.

There's a smugness that I'll do what I want. Lav davka that Rabbeinu Yonah means that every time Rachmana litzlan a person is chotei, he's consciously, intentionally adopting that attitude of שלום יהיה לי כי בשרירות לבי אלך. But in terms of what's maybe he doesn't speak it, but in terms of what's bespoken by cheit, cheit comes from a sense of smugness. Shalom yihyeh li despite or because, because both, כי בשרירות לבי אלך. It's a sense of smugness. De'agah is the opposite, is the antithesis of smugness. De'agah, a sense of worry, is the antithesis of smugness. When when we try to do teshuvah, Rabbeinu Yonah says that the smugness of cheit, the smugness, the cockiness by... which gave rise, which gives rise, Rachmana Litzlan, to Cheit, that has to be displaced and in its place there should be a sense of De'aga. Worry, concern is the exact opposite of שלום יהיה לי כי בשרירות לבי אלך. It's the exact opposite. That's what Rabbeinu Yonah says. From this angle, from that angle, the De'aga about Rachmana Litzlan Onesh, the De'aga about being Mechaper the Teshuvah, the De'aga פן יתגבר עליו יצרו. There has to be De'aga. There has to be De'aga because De'aga is the antithesis and therefore the Tikun for the smugness of שלום יהיה לי כי בשרירות לבי אלך, which again, if not consciously thought and intended, but is really present and reflective, Rachmana Litzlan, of the Cheit. Here, it's important. We've even digested touching the surface of the opening pages of Sha'arei Teshuvah. It's obviously Sha'arei Teshuvah is a very powerful and sobering Sefer, which is healthy, which is important. But Me'eiver Lazot, it can also, a person has to make sure that it doesn't induce a destructive, paralyzing sense of Atzvut and demoralization. There's an amazing passage in the Ma'or Einayim, Ki Midumah, I think he's quoting from the Ba'al Shem Tov, where the Ma'or Einayim says the Pasuk in Ki Tavo

תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב.

That a person has to be Oveid Hashem BeSimcha. It doesn't say anywhere that Teshuvah is an exception to that. It doesn't say anywhere that that Klal of

תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב

doesn't apply to the Avodah of Teshuvah. They tell a story about the Ma'or Einayim, Ki Midumah, look it up, possibly at the end of the Sefer, I think, a Shem of the בעל שם טוב הקדוש. No, I don't think he tells that story there. He doesn't tell stories in the Ma'or Einayim, but the Rav tells a story about the Ba'al Shem Tov was once traveling in Elul and the wagon broke, carriage got stuck in mud, and they weren't going to get back home for Yom Kippur. So the question was which of the villages that were in striking distance should the Ba'al Shem Tov go and spend Yom Kippur? So he made inquiries to see what's what's involved in each of the villages. And he heard that in this village, which was in striking distance, the Ba'al Tefillah used to sing the Viduy. So he said, "Oh, that's where we're going." So there's a balance. We should learn Sha'arei Teshuvah and we should try to take it to heart and we should try to implement it and we should try, I don't know, we're eons and light years away from what Rabbeinu Yonah is talking about, but we should try, bit by bit, that it should impact us. But it has to, it has to go hand in hand with It's possible as paradoxical as it sounds, it's not only possible but necessary for a person to experience merirus and simultaneously to experience a sense of simcha, a sense of simcha in the very narrow sense that he's in the midst of be'atzem being mekayem a mitzvah of teshuva and no lower than any other of the taryag mitzvos, a sense of simcha that he's on a road, on a path to improving, to repairing, שובו עדי בכל לבבכם, of coming closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And it's possible as paradoxical as the formulation sounds, it's possible and necessary to have both. Because the most authentic form of teshuva can't happen without the merirus as Rabbeinu Yona tells us, the most authentic, although there's some important things that he has to say here in the ikar hachamishi, I'm not sure we're going to get to now about that. But certainly the most authentic forms can't happen without it. Midach gisa, it always has to be, it's only going to be a productive sense of merirus and not a destructive sense if you juxtapose the Shaarei Teshuva to that passage in the Moreh Nevuchim. There's a lot to be said for having a seder hayom in the yeshiva where there's a mussar seder every day. Real, challenging, not adulterated, but there's an equal amount of time spent learning and learning sefarim about yiras Shamayim and simcha. And this is, the Rambam says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu even created the world in such a way that those two attitudes, mindsets, experiences are simultaneously inspired. When the Rambam writes in the beginning of his perek beis of Yesodei HaTorah, very famously,

היך היא הדרך לאהבתו ויראתו בשעה שיתבונן האדם במעשיו וברואיו הנפלאים והגדולים ויראה מהם חכמתו שאין לה ערך וקץ מיד הוא אוהב ומשבח ומפאר ומתאוה תאוה גדולה לידע השם הגדול,

kemo she'amar David, צמאה נפשי לאלוקים לאל חי. The Rambam puts it in rapture and together with ahava is a sense of simcha, as the Rambam says at the end of Hilchos Lulav, השמחה שישמח האדם בעשיית המצוה ובאהבת האל שצוה בהן. And then the Rambam says,

וכשמחשב בדברים אלו עצמן ירתע ויפחד וידע שהוא בריה שפלה אפלה עומדת בדעת קלה לפני תמים דעות.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu built into the world, this paradox built into the world, that simultaneously both reactions, both modalities are inspired. And it's very important again, I don't think we should skip Shaarei Teshuva, but it's very important to have it in within such a framework, within such a context.