Shaarei Teshuva 2

יבין לבבו כי רע ומר עזבו את השם וישיב אל לבו כי יש עונש ומשפט ושילום גמול על העוונות אכן שנאמר דעי וראי כי רע ומר עזבך את השם אלוהיך ולא פחדי אליך נאום השם צבאות ויאמר בלבבו מה עשיתי איך לא היה פחד אלוהים לנגד עיני ולא יגורתי מתוכחות על עוון ומהשפטים הרעים כי רבים מכאובים לרשע וחמלתי על גופי ולא חסה עיני עליו משחתו ומהנאת רגע אחד נמשלתי כאיש שיקצור ויקפוץ ויקוט ויוסר ויודע כי אחרי אכול ואחרי שתה יגורש השוטף כקצץ שינה כעניין שנאמר ערב לאיש לחם שקר ואחר ימלא פיהו חצץ ורע מזאת כי החלפתי בעבור הנאה עוברת עולם עומד לעד ולעולם ונמשלתי כבהמות נדמיתי והלכתי אחרי יצרי כסוס כפרד אין הבין ועזבתי דרך השכל והנה הדבר נופל באפי נשמת חיים אשר נתן לי טהורה שכל והכרה ובינה לירא מלפניו ולמשול בגוף ובכל פעולותיו כאשר הממשלה לרוכב על הסוס שאינו מדבר אשר יקרה בעיניו למכור ואחרי שוברו זאת בנפשו ויהיו אלה חזיונו עומדים לפניו.

So Rabbenu Yonah tells us there are at least two aspects to the charata that the Rishon should feel with regards to the chet that was committed. First of all there is a charata which is rooted in yiras ha'onesh. That is the yiras ha'onesh which didn't deter us besha'at hama'aseh from the chet, which should have but didn't because it wasn't present. So that same yiras ha'onesh after the fact should arouse within us a powerful sense of charata. That's what he's been talking about the first ten, fifteen lines or so.

יבין לבבו כי רע ומר איך לא היה פחד אלוהים לנגד עיני ולא יגורתי מתוכחות על עוון ומהשפטים הרעים כי רבים מכאובים לרשע וחמלתי על גופי ולא חסה עיני עליו משחתו.

All this is again a charata which is prompted by the yiras ha'onesh which he didn't feel besha'at ma'aseh and which he now does feel. And yitachen that this gives us an added understanding of the role of charata in teshuva. Like this we think correctly that charata is part of teshuva. You can't make amends for a wrong if you don't regret it. The fact that a person is willing to strike a deal as it were with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, well mikan lehaba I'm not going to do it. There isn't the hakaras hachet if there isn't something. We think in those terms, and that's correct, all of that is correct. L'ma'aseh, what Rabbeinu Yonah, what emerges is that there's an added dimension as well, that the charata is also, as it were, a direct corrective measure, that chet happened because of the lack of yiras ha-onesh. If a person would have had that yiras ha-onesh, so a healthy person is not suicidal, is not masochistic, Rachmana litzlan. So he would have been deterred. And he says he perhaps is even directly calling our attention to that when he says a part of the charata is to think איך לא היה פחד אלהים לנגד עיני, leneged einai, leneged einai. In the ikkar hachamishi, if you jump forward for a moment, rabbosai, to the ikkar hachamishi, ha-de'aga. A person should be worried, a person should be anxious. כי ידאג ויפחד מעונש עונותיו. So here too, this is rooted again clearly in yiras ha-onesh. It's yiras ha-onesh davka, right? The yiras ha-onesh can and should and naturally will generate a sense of profound remorse for what I did. And the same yiras ha-onesh can, should, and naturally will generate a sense of concern and worry in terms of the impending consequences. Remorse for having done something and worry about its future consequences are two sides of a coin. Go ahead also to the ikkar hashishi for a moment, rabbosai, ha-busha.

והנה נאמר בושתי וגם נכלמתי כי נשאתי חרפת נעורי. והנה החוטא יבוש מאד מעבור עברה

lifnei benei adam, lifnei benei adam,

ויכלם אם ירגישו ויכירו בעברותיו. ואיך לא יבוש מהבורא יתברך? ואין זה כי אם על כן יבוש מן הנבראים ולא יבוש מן הבורא יתברך. ואמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה כפי שהיה אומר המדרש

Raboteinu petachnu omer

כשימות האדם יאמרו המלאכים לפני בשר ודם הוי אומר לפני הבורא יתברך

v'hu yivosh

שנאמר וחפרה הלבנה ובושה החמה. והמדרגה העליונה בזה שיכלם האדם על עונותיו מלפני השם יתברך. וענין ההכלמה ההרגשה בבושה והשתנות זיו פניו.

That the person experiences the busha in such a strong form, he experiences it so acutely, that actually the color in his face will be affected.

כענין שנאמר כסתה כלימה פני ובכל מקום תראה הכלימה נזכרת אחר הבושה כי היא יתירה מן הבושה.

It's a more intense form, one which is so intense that it even registers externally. Boshi v'gam hikolmi, boshi v'gam vachafri. ובעת אשר יראה החוטא אל השם יתברך עבירה פלונית min hakrovot v'gomar

לא כחטאו עשה לו ולא כעונותיו גמל עליו יוסיף בושה והתחלחל על עוצם עוותו וכי בגד בו והוא מטיב לו ויבוש ממנו.

The contrast between the person's treacherous actions, החוטא על עוצם עוותו וכי בגד בו, the shame and betrayal. The contrast between that and the willingness of the melech to atone generates a sense of busha. וכן בספר L'ma'an tizkiri v'voshat v'chulu

מכלימתך בכפרי לך לכל אשר עשית. ואמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה העושה דבר ומתבייש בו מוחלים לו על כל עונותיו.

Rabbeinu Yonah in this Yesod that this busha, a sense of shame and embarrassment and humiliation, is again a fundamental aspect of teshuva. The fact that a person when thinking about his chataim has this sense of embarrassment, this sense of humiliation. And why is the busha so crucial for teshuva? Why isn't it enough that I acknowledge my chet, that I regret the chet? Rabbeinu Yonah tells us peshat. And again here too, just as we're seeing in the ikkar harishon where the charata is also a mida k'neged mida corrective measure of the chet. Right, in the ikkar harishon we're seeing that part of what occasions the charata is the yiras ha'onesh as to the consequences of the chet. That's also what occasions the da'aga. So too here. Rabbeinu Yonah says how does any chet happen? Speaking of 99% of the chataim when the person knows better. How does chet happen? So it's true that in every chet there's a certain yetzer hara that we have. And לא רעי היצר הרע for one chet k're'i hayetzer hara for another chet. But there is a common denominator, there is a tzad hashaveh to chet. Let's say you have a person, he's under tremendous, tremendous pressure to do well on an exam. His scores on this exam is gonna determine whether or not he can go on the professional track that he's been working towards and dreaming of for years. And he's not really adequately prepared for the exam. So he has this overwhelming yetzer hara to cheat. Overwhelming yetzer hara to cheat. But ela mai, the proctor is sitting there and staring at him throughout the entire exam. So the fact that he has this overwhelming yetzer hara notwithstanding, lemaiseh, he's not going to cheat. He's not going to cheat. If the proctor turns his back for a minute, or if he mistakenly thinks that the proctor turned his back for a minute, so then the fact that he has this overwhelming yetzer hara will translate and then he will cheat. But lemaiseh, if the proctor is looking the entire time and he's aware of the fact that the proctor is looking the entire time, so then he won't succumb even though he's been working so hard and for so many years, so long, and all of it is about to evaporate at this moment, lemaiseh, if the proctor's looking at him, he's not going to do it. איך לא יבוש מן הבורא יתברך, how is it possible that we do chata'im?

אין זה כי אם לפי היות השם יתברך רחוק מכליותיו.

It's because Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not on the radar screen. That you have that tzad hashaveh by virtually every chet. Again, not talking about cases where a person wasn't raised frum and just doesn't know better about so many things. And mimeila, busha, again, the fact that the busha is part of the teshuva process is a mida keneged mida against what was involved in the chet. The busha that a person feels when he's doing teshuva is because he now is very much aware of being in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Otherwise, what occasions the busha? What's driving the busha? If it's not that he now feels that he's in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu? So that's an integral part of the teshuva because the absence of that was responsible for chet. Very much the same type of relationship that you have between the charata and teshuva as well. The charata, partially according to Rabbeinu Yona, is driven by yirat ha'onesh and it was the absence of a sense of yirat ha'onesh which allowed for the chet in the first place. The other element involved in charata according to Rabbeinu Yona, the other driving force, again, so first of all, the sense of charata that a person has about chet, A, is driven by yirat ha'onesh. He regrets, he has remorse for the liability that he created for himself. But then charata also is an expression of a sense of failure, of utter and complete failure.

הנה הבורא נפח באפי נשמת חיים חכמת לב וטוב שכל והכירה וליראה מלפניו ולמשול בגוף וכל תולדותיו כאשר המשילה על שאר בעלי חיים שאינם מדברים אשר יקר בעיניו נכבדה ואחרי אשר בעבור זאת נבראתי ויהי בהיפך מזה למה לי חיים.

A sense of failure. Not at this. this level a person is not not because a person is focused on the liability and the and the and punishment rachmana litzlan just a sense of total failure. משל למה הדבר דומה. You have someone who's a very very gifted musician, has tremendous potential in music. If only he would discipline himself to to apply himself, then he'd become a world-class musician. A world-class pianist playing in in Carnegie Hall. But he's too busy, he's too busy, he's too undisciplined, he's too busy running around with דברים של מה בכך. When the realization sets in of what could have been, of the potential that he has and that he's squandered, it it arouses a tremendous sense of remorse. Ve-inyan zeh she-be-arnu, says Rabbeinu Yonah, what's the pasuk, what's maimra for this?

הוא אשר דיבר ירמיהו עליו השלום אין איש ניחם על מעשהו לאמר מה עשיתי.

Azivat ha-chet, the ikkar ha-sheni is azivat ha-chet.

כי יעזוב דרכו הרע ויגמור בכל לבו כי לא יוסיף לשוב בדרך הזה עוד ואם עוון פעל לא יוסיף כי ענין שנאמר שובו שובו מדרכיכם הרעים ונאמר יעזוב רשע דרכו.

If you jump ahead to the ha-ikkar ha-tishah asar for a minute,

עזיבת החטא בהזדמן והוא בתוקף תאותו. אמרו רבותינו ז"ל איזהו בעל תשובה שתשובתו מגעת עד כסא הכבוד באשר נבחן ויצא נקי באותו מקום ובאותה אשה רצונם לומר כי הזדמן החטא לידו והוא בתוקף יצרו ואונו בשרירי בטנו בעת הראשונה שחטא וכבש יצרו ונמלט מן העוון מיראת השם וגאון פחדו.

So what's the difference between the the ha-ikkar ha-sheni and the and the ha-ikkar ha-tishah asar? So Rav Hutner in in Pachad Yitzchak on Yom Kippur Ma'amar Kaf-Daled explains the the remarkable chiddush in in Rabbeinu Yonah here, absolutely remarkable chiddush. משל למה הדבר דומה. Let's say you have someone who who was an alcoholic of years and he's doing teshuvah. There's one level of challenge that he's not going to go buy alcohol. He'll even chart his route when he has to walk home or drive home, make sure he doesn't pass by any liquor stores to try to avoid that temptation. That's one level of azivat hachet. Another level of azivat hachet is you'll take this person and let's say he has to go to a family simcha. And unfortunately at that family simcha everyone's going to be drinking. There's going to be drinks galore and everyone's going to be partaking, and let's say for argument's sake, demonstration's sake, that he cannot go. So obviously that's a very different level and degree of nisayon in terms of azivat hachet than any other set of circumstances. Rav Hutner explains what Rabbeinu Yona is telling us is that what's me'akev in teshuva is just the azivat hachet of the ikkar hasheini, the first types of scenarios that we gave in the mashal. העזיבת החטא בהזדמן והוא בתוקף תאוותו. If you tell him that tomorrow he's going to be put in such a situation and he's betokef ta'avato and the again just surrounded by it. So that's already a middat chasidut. That's already a teshuva which is מגעת עד כסא הכבוד. But in terms of the ikkar hadin of teshuva, of what's demanded and what's indispensable, is this lower level of azivat hachet. And Rav Hutner contrasts this. He says that the Rambam doesn't agree with this because the Rambam in פרק ב' הלכה ב' of hilchot teshuva

ומה היא התשובה הוא שיעזוב החוטא חטאו ויסירו ממחשבתו ויגמור בלבו שלא יעשהו עוד שנאמר יעזוב רשע דרכו ואיש און מחשבותיו וכן יתנחם על שעבר שנאמר כי אחרי שובי נחמתי ואחרי הודעי ספקתי על ירך ויעיד עליו יודע תעלומות שלא ישוב לחטא זה לעולם.

A person has to be his resolve about the future according to the Rambam has to be so great, so invincible, that the person is willing to call Hakadosh Baruch Hu to be meid on the absoluteness of that determination and that resolve. So he presents that as a very very significant difference between Rambam and Rabbeinu Yona in terms of what azivat hachet entails in terms of teshuva. But then he adds, he thinks that the pshat in the Rambam, the Rambam writes in פרק ב' הלכה ו' that

אף על פי שהתשובה והצעקה יפה לעולם בעשרת הימים שבין ראש השנה ויום הכיפורים היא יפה ביותר ומיד היא מתקבלת שנאמר דרשו ה' בהמצאו קראוהו בהיותו קרוב.

Again just to re-read

אף על פי שהתשובה והצעקה יפה לעולם בעשרת הימים שבין ראש השנה ויום הכיפורים היא יפה ביותר ומיד היא מתקבלת.

Rav Hutner wants to know what the miyad hi mitkabelet is. He has a lomdus, but he suggests as follows. He says the miyad hi miskabeles means that unlike teshuva of all year long, which is held to the standard of its, of what the long-term expectations are, what the long-term the p'shat rachok, what we have to look שלא ישוב לחטא זה לעולם, that's your frame of reference. Your frame of reference for teshuva all year long is, has it been an azivas hachet, depends upon whether or not the resolve, the determination right now is such that if only he'll sustain that resolve, if only he'll sustain that determination שלא ישוב לחטא זה לעולם. Again, the posuk says what miyad hi miskabeles means is that's not the frame of reference for the teshuva of aseret yemei teshuvah. And he thinks the p'shat is miyad hi miskabeles means that your frame of reference is miyad. Your frame of reference is right now. Is there an azivas hachet? And that difference between the Rambam and Rabbeinu Yonah is present all year long. But the Rambam thinks it's part of the ma'alah of aseret yemei teshuvah that there he agrees with Rabbeinu Yonah's standard. Even according to the al pi meforashim point of that, even according to the Rambam's regular standard against Rabbeinu Yonah, it doesn't mean that rachmana litzlan whenever a person repeats a chet that that retroactively, lemefarei'a tells you that he never did teshuva. No, what it means is that he didn't sustain that resolve and that determination. So you never judge the teshuva only in light of what happens. You do judge it by right now, but the question is, looking right now, what's your frame of reference? So again,

העיקר השני עזיבת החטא כי יעזוב רשע דרכו ואיש און מחשבותיו ויגמור בלבבו כי לא יוסיף לשוב בדרך הזה עוד. אם פעל לא יוסיף,

as it says שובו שובו מדרכיכם הרעים, as it says ya'azov rasha darko. ודאי מי שחטא על דרך מקרה ki hisgabera ta'avah veyechazak alav hayetzer veyishak ta'avah

ונפשו ורעיונו בחושיו בתיקון פועלו ולא מאסו לבו ועניין התאווה ויחריב. ועל כן יגברהו היצר בחרטה ומסר במכמורות לפי שעה ועתה והיא רוח היצר הרע מבעתו ולא מהשחית רצונו למצוא עוונו ולעשות כמוהו אחרי זאת. ראשית תשובת האיש הזה החרטה ולשום יגון בלבבו על חטאתו ולהיות נפש נענה ומרה כלענה.

Acharei chen

יוסיף בכל יום יראת השם בנפשו ויתן פחדת אלוהים בלבבו בכל עת עד שיהיה אשר יהיה נכון לבו בטוח בהשם כי אם יוסיף יעבור לפניו היצר ויתייצב פעם בפעם ורבה עליו תאוותו כמשפט הראשון לא יהיה נפתה לבו עליו ויעזוב דרכו כמו שנאמר ומודה ועוזב ירוחם. הזכיר תחילה ומודה על החרטה ועל הוידוי ואחר כך

ve'achar kach ve'ozev.

אבל איש המתייצב על דרך לא טוב תמיד ובגבר חטאו דרך כל היום בשרירות לבו שבו זכותו גם ברעבתנותו ובכל עת אורו הרע ונמשל לעוונות יוסיף כח פן ירצה התאווה והיצר וחפצו. מסא שלא יבאש מיניה כל דאשתכח מסא, ושביק תשובתא דאיתתא דא, למעבד תחות מחשבתא דאבא, ולאתקנא ולקיימא פולחנא דמאריה ולא יוסיף לחטוא.

After this he writes, alright, al aliyos ha-teshuva ve-ritza el Hashem, kemo shene'emar

יעזוב רשע דרכו ואיש און מחשבותיו וישוב אל השם וירחמהו.

So Rabbeinu Yonah here says in terms of the sequence of the chelkei ha-teshuva, whether a person's teshuva begins with the sense of charata which he expresses or whether the teshuva begins with the azivas ha-chet depends upon the person. Sometimes a chet happens, it's an aberration. De-hainu, we do something which really goes against the grain of the way we live our lives. A person is very, very careful with his speech and eich shehu he was nichshal, says something he shouldn't have said. Person is very, very makpid on zman krias shema, zman tefilla. Eich shehu it happens that he missed. So when the chet represents an aberration, when it contradicts, so then right away a person is in a position to have this profound sense of remorse, the disappointment he feels in himself, failure he feels, so all of that translates into a sense of genuine, profound remorse. Ma she-ein ken when there's an area in our lives rachmana litzlan where we are habitually nichshal. So clearly there we lack the sensitivity to what constitutes chet and what chet represents. And even when we begin to awaken to the fact, there's not enough distance between ourselves and the chet to be able to adequately be mit'aret. If a person rachmana litzlan wasn't shomer shabbos, if a person rachmana litzlan wasn't lomed torah, so obviously there is no chashivus. Shabbos doesn't have a chashivus, doesn't begin to understand what shabbos is, what talmud torah is. Even when the person begins to understand, which allows for the azivas ha-chet, even when a person senses that his life is too empty and shallow, even when there is a hisorerus, but until there's a certain distance between him and the chet, so he can't have an adequate, a proper charata. So for this person, the sequence of the teshuva is going to be, the sequence of the teshuva is going to be first the azivas ha-chet and then later will be the charata and the expression. And that's how Rabbeinu Yonah explains, integrates the pesukim: u-modeh ve-ozev yerucham. So the pasuk there depicts the charata coming first. Ma she-ein ken the יעזוב רשע דרכו ואיש און מחשבותיו depicts the azivas ha-chet coming first. It all depends upon the person and what the chet represents in the context of the person's life. There's another very profound idea here also in the lines we just read in Rabbeinu Yonah. How does he depict that chet which is an aberration? He says al derech mikreh הסיתו תאוה ויחט לבב יצרו וישקהו. He does teshuva. Part of his teshuva is

להוסיף בכל יום יראת השם בנפשו עד אשר יהיה נכון לבו בבטחון בהשם

and so he can feel confident

כי אם יוסיף יעבור לפניו היצר ויפגשהו פעם בפעם לא ינוח לבו עליו ויעזוב דרכו.

The decisions that we make in any given moment in time, whether we do something or don't do something, whether we succumb to a yetzer hara or whether we're mitgaber on the yetzer hara, those decisions are not entirely, and sometimes in extreme cases perhaps not even at all, but they're not entirely made at that moment in time. But when a person ויחט לבב יצרו וישקהו, a person is attacked, some yetzer hara presents itself in a very, very strong fashion, whether we're successful in being misgaber is not only going to reflect how we consciously decide to react on the spot at the time, but it's also going to reflect what instinct we've cultivated within ourselves so that what instinctive reaction we're going to have. There are certain instincts that a person doesn't cultivate, certain reflex instincts. A doctor checks for those to make sure that all the nerve endings are working properly. There are certain reflex reactions that you don't cultivate. But there are many other reactions that we experience instinctively that really reflect instincts that we internalized over the course of time, and then there comes a moment when we react in accordance with those instincts. So we experience it as instinctive, but it doesn't mean that it's not a product of our bechira. What it means is the products of our bechira are not always determined by what I consciously decide to do right now at this moment. It also reflects what kind of personality with what kind of instincts I've cultivated in the past. And that's what Rabbeinu Yonah is saying. It's not just the case that the person will choose to act differently. It's not that in the moment of decision, at that moment the person will reach down deeper. No, he'll encounter, he'll confront that moment of decision with a greater and more powerful instinctive yirat shamayim, and that's why he'll act differently, and that's why he'll decide differently. That's why whatever we do is so consequential, because nothing is compartmentalized, nothing is self-contained, because whatever we do leaves its imprint upon us and then becomes a factor in future decisions and future moments of choice. And that's what Rabbeinu Yonah is saying. And that's what Rabbeinu Yona is saying that the teshuva when the person sort of instinctively succumbed to the yetzer hara instead of instinctively being misgaber on the yetzer is יוסיף בכל יום יראת ה' בנפשו and then at the moment of decision he'll be a different person and that's why and that's how he'll be able to react and to act differently. A Gut Yoar, Gmar Chasima Tova, ימלא ה' משאלות לבכם לטובה.