Reacting to Others

ועתה לא אתם שלחתם אתי הנה כי האלהים וישימני לאב לפרעה ולאדון לכל ביתו ומשל בכל ארץ מצרים.

The simple reading of the pasuk sounds like Yosef Hatzadik is exonerating his brothers. לא אתם שלחתם אתי הנה. You are not responsible for my being in Mitzrayim, Hakadosh Baruch Hu sent me down to Mitzrayim. As though he were again exonerating them that they didn't act with bechirah chofshis. The problem with that understanding is that almost toch k'dei dibbur in the same audience earlier the Torah records

ויאמר יוסף אל אחיו אני יוסף העוד אבי חי ולא יכלו אחיו לענות אתו כי נבהלו מפניו.

Chazal comment on that pasuk of ki nivhalu mipanav, אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה, that the shiftei Kah, so they were only rebuked and they were only held accountable by basar vadam by Yosef ואף על פי כן לא יכלו אחיו לענות אתו, so how much more so when a person will be held accountable by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So Yosef did hold them accountable. That was the din, that was the tochacha which they had to confront. So what does it mean when he turns around and in the course of the same conversation says that לא אתם שלחתם אתי הנה כי אלהים? Earlier in Parshas Vayeshev right after mechiras Yosef happens so the Torah tells us that

ויהי בעת ההיא וירד יהודה מאת אחיו ויט עד איש עדלמי ושמו חירה.

So Chazal in the Midrash explain to us the sense, the meaning of vayehi ba'eis hahi that ich vays משל למה הדבר דומה: someone was born in 1940 and you want to give people a sense for what's happening in the world at that point, so you'll say that Hitler yemach shemo had just a few months earlier invaded Poland and that had set off the Second World War and England was already at war, America was neutral, but etcetera etcetera. So you're sort of painting a global picture of what's happening simultaneously when this event happens. So vayehi ba'eis hahi, so what is this ba'eis hahi? What else is happening when וירד יהודה מאת אחיו? So Chazal say that Reuven was osuk besak u'vesaanis על שבלבל יצועי אביו, that Reuven was still or perhaps intensifying his teshuva על שבלבל יצועי אביו. Yehuda as the Torah is depicting was osuk lisa isha. Yosef, Chazal say, was also osuk besak u'vesaanis because of the mechira and Hakadosh Baruch Hu was בורא אורו של משיח. That's what it says in the Midrash. So why was Yosef osuk besak u'vesaanis about the mechira? Yosef was an innocent victim who had been horribly mistreated by his brothers. So why did that occasion Yosef Hatzadik being osuk besak u'vesaanis? So the answer l'chora is as follows and if you look you'll find this also in the Sfas Emes in Parshas Vayigash. The answer is as follows. What Yosef Hatzadik was telling the brothers on the one hand, ולא יכלו אחיו לענות אתו כי נבהלו מפניו, there was din, there was tochacha, mi'idach gisa לא אתם שלחתם אתי הנה כי אלהים is Yosef Hatzadik was telling them like this: whenever we view what happens in the world, a person has to distinguish between whether he was a subject or whether he was an object. When we act, so we act out of our own bechiras chafshis. When we do הן לטוב הן למוטב, when we do a mitzvah, we did that with our bechiras chafshis with siyata d'shmaya. הבא לטהר מסייעין לו, but with our bechiras chafshis, but hein lemutav, achra litzan a person sins and that's taki specifically bein adam l'chaveiro, so a person did that out of his own free will and because of that he has to assume 100% responsibility for what happened. The brothers sold Yosef, not because they received some nevuah which they were fulfilling that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted Yosef sold into slavery down to Mitzrayim. They sold Yosef for whatever whatever reasons that they acted upon and because of that they were totally accountable for their actions. That's from the vantage point of of the subject. From the vantage point of the object, right, in the case of mechiras Yosef, referring to Yosef, the one who was acted upon, the one who was sold, so Yosef HaTzadik knew and believed that if Hakadosh Baruch Hu didn't foil the brothers' bechiras chafshis, if Hakadosh Baruch Hu didn't interfere and eichshehu save him from their clutches, it means that he on some level was deserving that that should happen. And that Hakadosh Baruch Hu, albeit for reasons totally different and motives totally different than that of the brothers, but that Hakadosh Baruch Hu had ordained that this should happen. If if Reuven walks over to Shimon and punches him in the face, so Reuven does that again out of his own anger or or hatred or or whatever. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu for reasons which we may or may not be able to fathom had decreed that Shimon should have to endure that pain. And as such, simultaneously Reuven is held 100% accountable, but Shimon also has to make a cheshbon hanefesh of what this was about, what what this was about. And that's why vayehi ba'eis hahi, so Yosef's response to the mechira was to be osek with sak v'tanyiso. How is it that Hakadosh Baruch Hu allowed this to happen? Obviously on some level I Yosef am supposed to be undergoing this ordeal and that's why it it it triggered sak v'tanyiso for Yosef. And and that's what's happening here in Parshas Vayigash. On the one hand is ki niphhalu mipanav, אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה. And yet m'idach gisa, Yosef is telling them you're afraid that I'll take revenge? You're afraid that that I'm angry at you? So you should know that that I have no reason for revenge because from my vantage point, from the vantage point of the object of what happened, so I realize that the only ultimate cause of what happened to me is לא אתם שלחתם אותי הנה כי האלוקים. And if you hadn't sold me into slavery, so Hakadosh Baruch Hu would have orchestrated it in in another fashion. It would have been another way in which this would have would have come about. And that's why you don't have to be afraid of me, you don't have to be be scared of me. The Sefer HaChinuch says this yesod explicitly in the shoreshei hamitzvah of the issur nekama. When the Torah says lo sikom, so we generally associate lo sikom with just being a very corrupt middah, which it obviously is. But the Sefer HaChinuch says no, there's much more to the Torah's issur than that. That what lo sikom is about is it reflects a a major theological mistake. The whole desire for nekama is to get even. Right? That's what nekama's all about. So that assumes that I want to repay you in kind for what you did to me means that I see you as the one responsible for what happened to me. I see you as as the cause for what happened to me. So says the Sefer HaChinuch, the Torah assurs nekama that a person should know כל אשר יקרהו מטוב ועד רע, whatever befalls a person, not what's self-inflicted, but whatever befalls a person mitov v'ad ra הוא סיבה שתבוא עליו מאת השם יתברך, that the ultimate cause for that is is Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So one of the mysteries and wonders of hashkafa is the way Hakadosh Baruch Hu orchestrates that what he wants, what he approves of happening to us, how that plays out through the bechira chofshis of other people. Now, this perspective can and l'chora should totally transform our lives. How so? L'chora is as follows. The Rambam kayaduah at the end of perek gimmel of hilchos deios elaborates on the b'chol drachecha da'eihu בכל מעשיך יהיו לשם שמים and describes how a person can and we should aspire to that everything we do, even seemingly mundane activities, maso umatan, achila, shtiya, even sheina, that all should be avodas Hashem. If a person's osek b'maso umatan, so for the right reasons, because Hakadosh Baruch Hu said to make ishtadlus and so that I'll have money to support my family which I'm supposed to do, and to give tzedaka and be machzik Torah, etc., etc. So when he's osek b'maso umatan, he's being oved es Hashem. And if a person eats and drinks to keep himself strong and healthy to be oved Hashem, so then the achila u'shtiya is also avodas Hashem, etc. נמצא עובד את השם תמיד אפילו בשעה שהוא ישן says the Rambam. So the Rambam tells us how as a subject a person can be עובד את השם תמיד. What this Chinuch and the Sfas Emes's pshat here in Parshas Vayigash, what they blaze a trail for us is how as an object, how in all our reactions, everything that happens to us is also a challenge for avodas Hashem. Dehaynu, there's no end seemingly, again, let's describe it first from a natural, non-providential perspective, to annoyances, disturbances, nuisances, frustrations that a person has to endure in life. It can be people in our lives that we're not in a position for whatever due to whatever constellation of circumstances to be able to totally avoid. It can be professionally related v'chayotzei b'eileh. Seen again just from a natural, non-providential perspective, so that's what it is. They're annoyances, they're frustrations, they're disturbances, and again, depending upon the magnitude, either minor or potentially major. According to the Chinuch, according to the Sfas Emes, כל אשר יקרהו מטוב עד רע could be that this person takeh is a nasty person, could be this person is takeh a nudnick, but

כל אשר יקרהו מטוב עד רע הוא סיבה שתבוא עליו מאת השם יתברך.

It means that there's a challenge in terms of avodas Hashem which is being presented, with which a person is being presented and called upon to react. So just to maybe illustrate what often can be the case in these situations again of the bein adam l'chaveiro-dike again frustrations, disturbances, impositions, etc. So at the very beginning of Tomer Devorah, so Moshe Cordovero explains how a person has to be nizdameh to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and he goes through the pasuk in Micha of מי אל כמוך נשא עון ועבר על פשע. So he says the very first middah in that pasuk of mi keil kamocha... is expressed in those three words is

מורה על היות הקדוש ברוך הוא מלך נעלב סובל עלבון מה שלא יכילהו רעיון

that Hakadosh Baruch Hu kavyachol is insulted, is imposed upon and Hakadosh Baruch Hu endures this to a degree that a person can't begin to comprehend. And now he explains a little bit. הרי אין דבר נסתר מהשגחתו בלי ספק. Hakadosh Baruch Hu knows everything that happens in the world, nothing is hidden, right? אם יסתר איש במסתרים ואני לא אראנו. Ve-od, also another fundamental belief,

אין רגע שלא יהיה האדם ניזון ומתקיים מכח עליון השופע עליו.

Every instant, every moment, a person is being sustained by this shefa, by this bounty, by this overflow as it were, this from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Harey timtza, so when you juxtapose these two, that אין דבר נסתר מהשגחתו, that nothing is hidden from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, A, B, that there's not a single moment when we're not being supported, sustained, given life by Hakadosh Baruch Hu, harey timtza

שמעולם לא חטא אדם נגדו שלא יהיה הוא באותו הרגע ממש שופע שפע קיומו ותנועת איבריו.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu as it were is sustaining, is supporting our rebelliousness against Him. That at the moment a person rachmana litzlan is being choteh, so at that very moment Hakadosh Baruch Hu obviously with full cognizance is being mechayeh, is being zan that person. ואם היות שהאדם חוטא בכח ההוא, with that koach that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is providing the person, he's being choteh, לא מנעו ממנו כלל. Nevertheless, Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't say, 'this isn't, you're abusing my gift of life', אלא סובל הקדוש ברוך הוא עלבון כזה, but Hakadosh Baruch Hu sovel, ועם כל זה שהכח בידו להחזיר הכח הנשפע ההוא, and really haya lo lomar, Hakadosh Baruch Hu should say to the choteh, כיון שאתה חוטא נגדי תחטא בשלך ולא בשלי. Let's say a father gives a son a weekly, a monthly allowance and he finds out that the son's going to Las Vegas and spending at the casinos. So what is he going to do? He's going to cut off that stipend and say, 'you want to go gambling, you can do it on your cheshbon, not on my cheshbon.' That's what Hakadosh Baruch Hu should have done as it were.

היה לו לומר כיון שאתה חוטא נגדי תחטא בשלך ולא בשלי.

And nevertheless

לא מפני זה מנע טוב מן האדם ולא סבל עלבון.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't refuse again to endure that elbon. הרי זה עלבון וסבלנות מה שלא יסופר says Ramak.

ועל זה קוראים מלאכי השרת להקדוש ברוך הוא מלך עלוב. והיינו אומר מי קל כמוך אתה בעל קל חסד המטיב.

Right, Kel is often associated based on the pasuk in Tehillim of חסד קל כל היום, that Kel is a strength which is channeled towards chesed, חסד קל כל היום. So that's what it means:

מי קל כמוך אתה קל בעל חסד המטיב, קל בעל כח לינקם ועם כל זה אתה סובל ונעלב עד ישוב בתשובה.

Concludes Ramak,

הרי זו מדה שצריך האדם להתנהג בה רצוני הסבלנות וכן היותו נעלב אפילו למדריגה זו ועם כל זה לא יאסוף טובתו מן המקבל.

It's an amazing and according to Ramak that's a chiyuv based on ve-halachta bi-drachav. It's amazing and according to Ramak, that's a chiyuv based on V'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha. Mamash that's a chiyuv of how we have to how we have to interact with each other. Yeah, here in the in this edition there are notes from Rav Goldberg from Telz Cleveland. So he quotes out of Itzel Blazer has the following description of his Rebbe Israel Salanter.

אדמו"ר זצוק"ל עם גודל ענוותנותו היה מצטיין גם כן במידה זו של שלילת הקפדנות ומעביר על מידותיו למעלה להפליא מאוד כאשר ידענו מכמה מעשים נפלאים שקרה לו עם אנשים שהצירו לו.

We know from maasim shehayu people who were who were causing distress to Israel Salanter.

ודרכי הנהגתו עמהם ועוד ביותר היה דרכו בקודש אם אחד חטא כנגדו שגמל לו איזה רעה או ציערו.

If it happened that someone sinned against Israel, he did something did something bad to him, he again caused them agmas nefesh.

היה משתדל תכף ומיד לחפש מקום אולי יוכל לעשות לו איזה טובה ולגמול איתו חסד ולשלם לו טובה תחת רעה והיה אומר שהוא מצוות עשה מן התורה של והלכת בדרכיו.

Why? Because

כאשר נתבונן בדרכי מידותיו יתברך שמו הנה כשעובר אדם עבירה גם בזו הרגע שממרה רצון השם יתברך שמו

Hakadosh Baruch Hu מיטיב עמו ומשפיע לו חיים. Mamash dvarim niflaim. So when we encounter again bein adam l'chaveiro problems, al pi hachinuch, על פי השפת אמת, they're not nuisances, they're not disturbances, they're not disruptions. They are challenges to be m'kayem the v'halachta b'drachav in the form of Mi Kel Kamocha. And what that does is again what it means is again the Rambam's נמצא עובד את השם תמיד in terms of everything a person does actively. It's נמצא עובד את השם תמיד in terms of the way a person reacts even if it's even if there's nothing to do, even if it's only attitudinally the way a person reacts passively, but he's נמצא עובד את השם תמיד in that way as well.