Implementing the Ideals of Teshuva: Bringing the Rebono Shel Olam Into Our Lives

The Rambam begins Hilchos Teshuva, he formulates the mitzvah of teshuva as follows: that Kol mitzvos shebatorah with regards to all mitzvos in the Torah, בין עשה בין לא תעשה, be they positive, be they negative, אם עבר אדם על אחת מהן, if a person is guilty of violating one of the mitzvos, again, בין בזדון בין בשגגה, be it willfully, be it unintentionally, כשיעשה תשובה וישוב מחטאו, when a person repents, חייב להתוודות לפני האל ברוך הוא. He's obligated to proclaim his teshuva. Right? We generally translate lehisvados as to confess, but that's really an incomplete translation. It means more to proclaim, to articulate. He has to proclaim, he has to verbalize the teshuva. But then the Rambam adds a very interesting phrase. חייב להתוודות לפני האל ברוך הוא, before Hashem. שנאמר איש או אשה כי יעשו. Then the Rambam continues that ווידוי זה מצוות עשה. That this viduy is a mitzvah. So what's the Rambam's emphasis that when one is misvadeh, when one verbalizes the teshuva, that one does so lifnei hakel? I mean, the Rambam, everything is lifnei hakel. Whatever we do is in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The Rambam doesn't emphasize that when you take the lulav on the 15th of Tishrei, that חייב ליטול לולב לפני האל. You have to take the lulav lifnei hakel. That's sort of built into our lives. Everything is lifnei hakel. So why does the Rambam here go out of his way to underscore that fact? That's one question which will occupy our attention. Then the Rambam continues and says keitzad misvadin, what elements, what components have to be included in the viduy? So the Rambam says, Omer: אנא השם חטאתי עויתי פשעתי לפניך, I have sinned with different degrees of culpability, unintentionally, intentionally, rebelliously, ועשיתי כך וכך, and one specifies the aveira, the sin, rachmana litzlan, ve'harei nichamti, uvoshti be-ma'asai, and I'm ashamed, I'm humiliated by my actions, ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה. And I resolve never ever to repeat this misdeed, this sin. זה הוא עיקרו של וידוי. This is the essence. These are the absolutely indispensable and essential components of the viduy. So it's clear that a person has to acknowledge the cheit, that we understand. It's equally clear that a person has to express regret. If a person simply acknowledges, well, the Torah said not to do it, and I did it, I acknowledge it, I'm not going to do it again. If there's no regret at having sinned, so again one doesn't really acknowledge it as a sin. To acknowledge cheit means to regret. So that we understand. But why is it so crucial that one has to be able to honestly say boshti be-ma'asai, that I'm embarrassed, that I'm ashamed at what I've done? And again, and this is not just something which is desirable, but this is something which is absolutely indispensable. So why is it so crucial that one have this sense of embarrassment, of humiliation? Now the truth is that the Rambam didn't make this up. This wasn't the Rambam didn't pull this out of thin air. So we know from the psukim, some of which we say in the Selichos, that the psukim in Navi emphasize the central role of this feeling of busha, of embarrassment and humiliation when thinking about one's chato'im. Ezra Hasofer says, we say this in the Selichos, אלוקי בשתי ונכלמתי להרים אלוקי פני אליך. I'm embarrassed, I'm humiliated to lift my face to you, Ribbono Shel Olam, because כי עוונותינו רבו למעלה. In Yirmiyahu: בשתי וגם נכלמתי כי נשאתי חרפת נעורי. I'm again, I'm embarrassed, I'm ashamed because I carry with me the shame of my youth. And similarly in Yechezkel, the Navi says that as part of teshuva, as part of attaining kappara, le'man tizkiri vavosht, that we should remember our chato'im and that we should feel embarrassment. So again, we see clearly what the Rambam's source is, we're not questioning what the source for this is, but why this emphasis on bushah, on embarrassment and and and shame in the process of teshuvah? So let's reflect for a moment on on what what the experience of shame is. If a person feels ashamed, so what is it that that generates it, or what triggers that feeling of shame? So if I were to walk into, if I were to walk into this shul, and let's say the shul were totally empty, and I were to walk in very clumsily and trip over my own feet. So I I might be angry at myself, I might be I might be concerned why I lost my balance, but I'm not going to be ashamed. No one no one saw it, no one witnessed no one witnessed it, so I'm not going to feel the shame. On the other hand, if I walk in and and the shul is full, and then I clumsily trip over my own feet, so then I'm going to feel embarrassed. And the more people present, so then the more acutely embarrassed I'm going to feel. So bushah, shame, is a social emotion, social emotion in that it's something one feels only in the presence of others. But once alone, right, unobserved, if something is not witnessed by others, it doesn't become a source of shame. Now chet, this then the importance, the indispensability of bushah in the experience and process of teshuvah gives us insight into what chet is. So again, we can sort of list chataim, we can list chataim, I guess we can go through the seifim in Shulchan Aruch, we can go through Minyan HaMitzvos and, right, the Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuvah has a has a long list, all of these are much too relevant. But there is one general or generic definition of chet. And that is that when one sins, one has lost his awareness of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That to sin means not to be aware of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, not to be aware that we're in His presence, not to be aware, again, that every moment of our lives is lived in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Why? Because it's inconceivable for a person, right, for a person omed lifnei hamelech, standing before Hakadosh Baruch Hu, if a person for a person to to disobey, for a person to rebel when he's right in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu is inconceivable. And we know it from experience, right, if a person when a person makes a cheshbon hanefesh, when a person makes a cheshbon hanefesh, so we realize that chet comes when we're distracted, when we lose our awareness of being in the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And that's actually a common root to all chataim. And perhaps it's for this reason that the Gemara in Masechet Yoma has a very interesting machlokes between the Tannaim when we're misvadeh, when we articulate the teshuvah, there's a machlokes in the Tannaim whether one has to specify the chet. So the Rambam we just read paskens that you do. The Mechaber says it's not absolutely required. It's recommended but not required. That's the view of of Rabbi Akiva that one doesn't have to specify the chet, which is very strange, because again, when you're doing teshuvah, so teshuvah again, the viduy is articulating the the inner experience and process of teshuvah. So doesn't my teshuvah have to be tailored to the specific chet? I have a weakness in a certain area and that's why I stumbled in that area, that's why I was nichshal in that area. So shouldn't the teshuvah, again, shouldn't the teshuvah be tailored to that specific area? I have a weakness for gossip, I have a weakness for X, Y, and Z. So shouldn't the viduy have to zero in on the specific chet? Why should Rabbi Akiva say that a an unspecific chatasi avisi pashati suffices? But according to what we're saying, the truth is yes, that we have specific weaknesses, but each of these weaknesses is really interacting, or is really being compounded by one fundamental weakness, by one fundamental flaw, and that's being distracted, again, from the ultimate reality of of all of life, of all of existence, and that is Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Whatever my weakness may be, whether it's a weakness for gossip, whether it's a weakness... that I like to sleep late so I don't get up in the morning to daven, whether it's that I'm not sufficiently zariz to make the most of my time, whatever that weakness may be, so that weakness is only I'm only able to indulge that weakness as long as I lack this awareness of being in the presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. But being if I would only have that acute awareness so that energizes a person. That injects such energy and focus and discipline into a person that cheit is unimaginable. Says Rabbi Akiva, the very admission of chatasi again chatasi I missed the mark Ribbono Shel Olam because I was distracted from You. So now we understand very well why the Navi emphasizes that busha is indispensable when it comes to doing teshuvah. Because if I can say I sinned and I sincerely regret hacheit, and לעולם אני חוזר לדבר זה and I genuinely, sincerely resolve not to repeat this cheit, I can say all that, but if there's no shame, so then the teshuvah hasn't addressed, again, that basic fundamental deficiency which is in my awareness of being in the presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Busha again, busha is, when do we experience shame? We experience shame when someone sees, right, when someone sees our inadequacies, when someone witnesses our failures, then we feel busha. When no one witnesses the inadequacies, when no one sees our failures, so then we don't feel busha. So to feel busha means that one has really done teshuvah. Why? What occasioned hacheit? What made hacheit possible? What made hacheit possible again was my being distracted, was my not being aware of being in the presence, not feeling that I was in the presence of Hashem. That's what made hacheit possible, that's what facilitated it. So the teshuvah is measured by the fact if I feel busha, so that means that I feel acutely that I'm in the presence of the one who did witness my failure, who did see my inadequacy. Without busha, if there's no busha, so then that means that one's awareness of Hashem hasn't become heightened. And if the awareness hasn't been heightened, so the fact that I recognized that I was nichshal, the fact that I recognize that I stumbled, but if I'm not addressing the root, I'm not addressing that basic deficiency, so then the teshuvah is incomplete. Hence, it has to be הרי ניחמתי ובושתי במעשי because Ribbono Shel Olam I sinned because I was distracted, I didn't feel that I was in Your presence, I didn't have that awareness and now I do. I have that awareness. Why else am I ashamed? Why else am I ashamed? No one else saw my chataim but You did. And now I feel constantly, continuously in Your presence. And the truth is that Rabbeinu Yonah, the idea which we're developing, Rabbeinu Yonah really says this in Shaarei Teshuvah. Rabbeinu Yonah in the first shaar of Shaarei Teshuvah has 20 ikkarim, 20 fundamental components or elements of teshuvah. Of those 20, the sixth that Rabbeinu Yonah says is busha, shame. And he quotes one of the pesukim we mentioned, בושתי וגם נכלמתי כי נשאתי חרפת נעורי. And then he says, הנה החוטא יבוש מאד לעבור עבירות לפני בני אדם. He says, I would be deterred, I'd be embarrassed to sin in public. ויכלם אם ירגישו ויכירו בעבירותיו. And I'd be humiliated if other people would know. So how is it possible, ואיך לא יבוש מן הבורא יתברך? So how is it possible that when I could do things which are undetected by human eye, so how is it possible that I could do that, how is it possible that I didn't feel ashamed, I wasn't deterred by that sense of shame of Hashem that Hashem would witness it?

אין זה כי אם לפי היות השם יתברך רחוק מכליותיו.

The only possible explanation for cheit, says Rabbeinu Yonah, is that Hashem is far from my mind. Al kein, consequently, יבוש מן הנבראים ולא יבוש מן הבורא יתברך. That's why I'm deterred by the shame of being observed by people but I'm not deterred by the shame of being observed by HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And then the Rabbeinu Yonah goes on, he quotes a Gemara at the end of the first perek in Berachot, a remarkable statement of the Gemara, rabosai, absolutely remarkable. The Gemara says

שכל העושה דבר עבירה ומתבייש בו מוחלין לו על כל עונותיו.

If a person, if a person again stumbles, a person sins, and then he feels ashamed, umisbayesh, so the Gemara says something remarkable. The Gemara says

כל העושה דבר עבירה ומתבייש בו מוחלין לו על כל עוונותיו.

Not only, not only is forgiveness forthcoming for that specific aveira, but if I feel ashamed about this aveira, so then מוחלין לו על כל עוונותיו. So all my sins are forgiven. So isn't that an overly generous or disproportionate reaction? Because misbayesh on this cheit, so מוחלין לו על כל עוונותיו. But the Gemara in Berachos is also reflecting this idea again. There's a common denominator to every cheit. And that common denominator again is in the words of Rabbeinu Yona, היות השם רחוק מכליותיו. Mikeliyosav. Hashem is far from our minds. Hashem is not at the center of our lives. So if whatever aveira it is that triggers it, whatever aveira, but if an aveira triggers that all of a sudden I develop that awareness, I rediscover and I reinstate that awareness of Hashem being at the center of my life, of Hashem being a constant, continuous presence in my life, so then that addresses all my chata'im and mimeila

כל העושה דבר עבירה ומתבייש בו מוחלין לו על כל עוונותיו.

One would, would even be tempted to say al derech hadrush, homiletically, that when the Gemara says umisbayesh bo, that the simple pshat in the Gemara is umisbayesh bo that a person is embarrassed about the aveira which he committed. But possibly the Gemara also should be understood on another level, umisbayesh bo, כל העושה דבר עבירה, a person commits an aveira, rachmana litzlan, but umisbayesh bo and then he's embarrassed from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so then מוחלין לו על כל עוונותיו because that's a response not just to this aveira that I did, that's a response to all my aveiros. And that's also what the Rambam is emphasizing, we mentioned that חייב להתוודות לפני הא-ל ברוך הוא. So why doesn't the Rambam emphasize חייב ליטול לולב לפני הא-ל ברוך הוא, that when you take the lulav you're doing that in the presence of Hashem? So the answer is clear, right? That chayav lehisvados, when a person says viduy, he has to say it with this heightened, with this acute awareness of lifnei Ha-Keil, 'cause it's that awareness ultimately which is the essence of the teshuva, which is the essence of the viduy. It was that awareness, right? That awareness of Hashem which was lacking, and it's that awareness that I'm misvadeh lifnei Ha-Keil, before Hashem, which is the essence of, of the teshuva. Now I'd like to add two, two other perspectives to this definition that we've derived at of cheit and of teshuva. Cheit, again, a lack of let's call it Hashem awareness, a lack of God awareness, is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not a constant presence in our lives and that teshuva basically means reinstating that awareness, rediscovering that awareness of, of Hashem as a constant presence in our lives. The first point is, is a little bit subtle, but let's, let's do our best to, to try to follow it. The Torah says וידעת היום והשבות אל לבבך כי ה' הוא האלהים. We say this at the end of Aleinu right before al kein nekaveh,

כי ה' הוא האלהים בשמים ממעל ועל הארץ מתחת אין עוד.

Right? You should know today and you should internalize, vahasheivoso el levavecha, that, that Hashem is the master, the sovereign, bashamayim mima'al in the heavens above, ve'al ha'aretz mitachas and on the earth below, and we say ein od. There's nothing else. What do we mean by that? So in Aleinu by way of introduction before we recite this posuk, so we say אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו. Right? Right? Our king, Hashem, is emes, is true, efes zulato, there's nothing beside him. What do you mean there's nothing beside him? There's this shtender which I'm, which I'm standing at, there's, there's all of us, what does it mean efes zulato? What does it mean efes zulato? So the Rambam explains and, and, and the Rav presents this in different places in his writings. writings that what it means is this. That obviously the shtender is not Hashem, that would be pantheism, that would be kfira rachmana litzlan to say that obviously we are not Hashem, right? As a substance we're distinct from Hashem, but in terms of existence the only way we exist, the Rambam says in Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah that הכל נסמך אליו בהווייתו, the only way we exist is through Hashem. It's only because of Hashem and through Hashem that we exist. אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו. Yes, this shtender is not Hashem, nothing material is Hashem, we're not Hashem, we're different substances, we're distinct substances, but we don't have our own existence. We don't have our own existence. It's only because Hashem lets us partake of His existence.

אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו. ה' הוא האלהים בשמים ממעל ועל הארץ מתחת אין עוד.

There's nothing else that exists, nothing exists independently. Again, in אתה הראת לדעת אין עוד מלבדו. That's what all these phrases are expressing. So nothing exists without Hashem. Everything exists again because Hashem lets us partake of His existence. Now what that means is that when we, so we all believe, we all know Hashem exists, we all know that Hashem is mashgiach on the world. We see it in our history, we see it in the workings of the world, with the correct sensitivity we see it on a daily basis in our own lives, but we lose our awareness of that. But to lose the awareness of that is really to a degree to undermine that belief because you can't believe in Hashem again and sort of file that away just as an intellectual conviction, oh, because everything that exists exists because Hashem lets us partake of His existence. Ein od. So if I'm sinning because I'm distracted from Hashem, so I'm not only distracted from my belief in Hashem, I'm distorting that belief in Hashem because אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו, efes zulasso. How can I look at anything, how can I think of anything and not be filled again with an awareness of Hakadosh Baruch Hu? If I lack that, again, I'm not only distracted from my belief, but I'm distorting my belief. And it helps us understand the magnitude of cheit. That's one perspective. A second perspective is that when we speak of having an awareness of Hashem, so that awareness really should be at the core of our own self-awareness. What does that mean? So we all have a self-awareness, a self-image. I think of myself as a son, as a father, as a husband, as a talmid to my rebbeim, as a rebbe to my talmidim. I'm aware of complete incompetence in many areas and I'm aware of other areas where Hashem has invited me to try to be somewhat productive. And all these elements right comprise one's self-awareness, one's self-image. And we all have that, right? And many of the components, many of the elements are the same and then some are individualized depending upon the specific talents, inclinations, existential circumstances which each of us have so then it's going to be somewhat individualized. But everyone has a self-image, a self-awareness of who I am, of what I am. But ultimately that self-image, that self-awareness should be that I'm a yetzir kapov of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That who I am, what I am, is simply the handiwork of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That should be at the center again, not only that when I look outside of myself I should see the Ribbono Shel Olam, but when I look inwardly as well in terms of what my self-image is, what my self-awareness is, yeah, I'm... I'm a father, I'm a son, I'm a husband, etc., etc., but all of that, all of that in the shadow of being yetzira kapa of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The Rambam writes in Perek Beis of Hilchos Deios, the Rambam has a remarkable, remarkable formulation. The Rambam says that a person who is arrogant, a person who is haughty, the Rambam says is guilty of being kofer, of denying Hashem. He doesn't say that it's tantamount to kfira, the Rambam says, no, he's he's actually guilty of denying Hashem. This is the Rambam's understanding, girsa in the Gemara in Sotah,

עוד אמרו שכל המגביה לבו כופר בעיקר שנאמר ורם לבבך ושכחת את ה' אלקיך.

So if a person is haughty, a person is arrogant, it's incredible. The Rambam says that he's guilty, right, וכל המגביה לבו הוא כופר בעיקר, he's denying Hashem. He should have said it's tantamount to denying Hashem, it's as if he denied Hashem, the Rambam instead doesn't have any of those disclaimers. He says kofer ba'ikar. How is that possible? 'Cause the answer is that that a person is arrogant, a person is haughty when he has a sense of being independent, when he has a sense of being autonomous, when he has a sense of kochi veotzem yadi, so then a person can feel arrogant and he can be haughty. As long as a person recognizes, recognizes that אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו, so how can a person be magbia libo? How can a person be arrogant, how can a person be haughty if אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו? If true, yes, that we work hard 'cause Hakadosh Baruch Hu told us to work hard, and without without that yegia veamal, without working hard, whether it's in the realm of Torah umitzvos or whether it's in the realm of of trying to earn a livelihood, so Hakadosh Baruch Hu stipulated that it's a necessary condition. All that is true, but ultimately אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו, ultimately with all that yegia veamal which we have to invest, which we have to put in, we're totally dependent upon Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So this awareness of Hashem, not only is it an awareness I'm supposed to have, but that should be intrinsic to my own self-awareness, to my own self-image. So not only, not only when a person is chotei, right, again cheit means היות השם רחוק מכל יוציו. Hashem is is far from my mind, He's not in my thoughts. Hashem is not in my thoughts. Not only does that distort my belief in Hashem, but it's also a distorted self-image as well. And that's what teshuva is, חייב להתוודות לפני האל ברוך הוא. Again, that awareness of Hashem as a presence in our lives, a presence. There's a difference between rabbosai, there's a difference between believing in Hashem, believing in Hashem and even, even leading a life which reflects that, and between having Hashem as a constant presence in one's life. And what we seek to accomplish through teshuva is again that Hashem should be a presence in our life. Hashem should be an immediate presence in our life, not just an object of of belief and knowledge, but a presence in our life. How how do we accomplish that? How's this manifest? How do we accomplish it? So first of all, one area is when when we say Shema twice daily, three times קריאת שמע על המטה, so again the Rav discusses this, ultimately when we say שמע ישראל ה' אלקינו ה' אחד, so what we're affirming, part of what we're affirming again is this idea of אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו. So a proper קבלת עול מלכות שמים is constantly reminding us, is constantly reinforcing again this sense of that we exist again because we share, Hashem lets us share His existence. That when we say Hashem Echad, that's what it means. Because efes zulasso, Hashem is not only one, but He's the only one. efes zulasso, ein od milvado, and that's what it means when we say Hashem Echad. So as part of our teshuva, as part of our teshuva, and it's not coincidental that the crescendo of the apex of Yom Hakippurim is to be able to say שמע ישראל ה' אלקינו ה' אחד, is to to understand the קבלת עול מלכות שמים. Again that we exist alongside Hashem, we exist with Hashem. Hashem again is at the center and and the source of our existence. Practical... Whenever we undertake any endeavor, whenever we undertake any endeavor, so a person has to think and optimally should say, should say, עזרי מעם ה' עושה שמים וארץ. A person should realize again, אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו, whatever it is that I'm undertaking to do, whether it's to give a drasha, whether it's to to put in a good day's work, I'm going to work hard, I'm going to like like you told me Ribono Shel Olam, but I recognize עזרי מעם ה' עושה שמים וארץ. A, recognize that dependence. B, we should talk to Hashem. Hashem is the is omnipresent in in in our lives. You know when Chazal say that גדולה הכנסת אורחים יותר מקבלת פני השכינה, right? So it's more of a mitzvah. Avraham Avinu left Hakadosh Baruch Hu to welcome the guests. So it's interesting that the the contrast is not only between orchim and the shechina, but orchim you have to be machnis, right? It's hachnasas orchim. The oreiach is outside on the doorstep, you have to he's outside in the street, you have to bring him in. Kabalas pnei hashchina, Hashem is in our lives, we just have to receive it, we don't have to bring Hashem into our lives. The objective reality is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in our lives. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is omnipresent in our lives, we just have to receive it, we have to recognize it. If when a person undertakes to do anything, any endeavor, a person says to himself, Ezri me'im Hashem, doesn't say to himself, he says both to himself and to Ribono Shel Olam. He's telling himself and he's being mispallel to Ribono Shel Olam. עזרי מעם ה' עושה שמים וארץ it does two things. A, again, it reinforces again that sense of depending upon Hashem. And again, Hashem is there, so so we talk to Him. Someone's omnipresent, we talk to Him. עזרי מעם ה' עושה שמים וארץ. Another way the presence of Hashem in our lives should be manifest is that our midos should be transformed by that awareness. Again, clearly we've discussed already how this the awareness, again, of of existing because Hashem lets us share in His existence totally eliminates all traces of of arrogance, of haughtiness, and the truth is it also undercuts about 99% of ka'as. It undercuts 99% of instances of anger for two reasons. First of all, invariably, unless something is a calculated expression of moral outrage, but short of of that exception, so invariably when we get angry, when we get angry more about petty things, so one of two things or maybe both things are happening. First of all, we we totally lose control. First of all, when we when we succumb to anger and we vent anger, so it means that that we've lost to varying degrees, we've lost control. If a person feels that Hashem is right here, so then that that instills within a person a self-discipline that that he doesn't lose control. Second of all, most manifestations of anger are driven by ego. Most manifestations of anger really when you when one cuts away the verbiage, reduced to, how could you do this to me? The element of ego is very pronounced, very pronounced in in feeling and manifesting anger. And again, to the extent that אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו, that a person realizes that again, that we depend upon Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we exist, we share His existence, and and and I'm aware of that because Hashem stands at the center of my existence, there's no room for that kind of ego-driven anger. So the first three points we mentioned, I just want to mention two more. The first three points we've mentioned are A, a proper קבלת עול מלכות שמים to understand Hashem Echad, not only that Hashem is one, Hashem is the only one. Ein Od, אמת מלכנו אפס זולתו. Two, עזרי מעם ה' עושה שמים וארץ. In the world of action, yes, we act, we take initiative, where we we we toil, we're industrious, but we recognize that all that, all that can only lead to fruition if עזרי מעם ה' עושה שמים וארץ. And we say it because Hashem is there, Hashem is there listening. Three, our midos should be transformed by it. Four, another way to again constantly instill that awareness and on the other hand also manifest that awareness is that when Hashem is a constant presence in one's life so one has a sense of accountability. Ultimately if every time we spoke we would feel that immediately we would have to justify the truth, the accuracy, the sincerity of what we were saying so then we would have to measure our words differently than we sometimes do. And it's only because again sometimes a person thinks no Hashem's not there. היות ה' רחוק מכליותיו so then when I speak so okay if it's more comfortable for me to I don't know flatter or it's more comfortable for me to shade the truth a little bit but in part of trying to again instill within ourselves to rediscover that awareness of Hakodosh Boruch Hu again as the permanent central presence in our life so every time we speak okay so if Hashem is going to now ask me was that true? Did you really mean that? So that's a standard by which we have to measure our speech. And finally again each of these things are cyclical in the sense that they manifest awareness of Hashem but they also help instill awareness of Hashem. If a person lives with Hakodosh Boruch Hu again with a sense of Hakodosh Boruch Hu is at the center of his life a person develops an appreciation for time. Because when you live with Hakodosh Boruch Hu so then life becomes something totally different. It's not something that one sort of takes cavalierly. No one lives besimcha there's no greater simcha than living a life of Torah and mitzvos. Not a question not living besimcha but one has an appreciation for the infinite value of time. One lives in the presence of Hakodosh Boruch Hu and hence every moment then is a moment which is potentially sanctified for all eternity by using that moment to do a chesed by using that moment to daven properly by using that moment to learn a little bit by using that moment to work honestly. When one lives in the presence of Hashem so every moment is a priceless and invaluable opportunity. So that also again is a manifestation and also a way of instilling that awareness within ourselves. So as we look forward to the Yomim Noroim in cheit we recognize a lack of awareness of Hashem and in teshuva we try again not just that we should believe as we do baruch Hashem not just that we should know as we do baruch Hashem but that we should feel Hakodosh Boruch Hu as an ongoing presence in our life and let that have all these repercussions. Repercussions in terms of how we say Shema. Repercussions in terms of how we view all our endeavors ezri meim Hashem. Repercussions in terms of transforming our midos. Repercussions in terms of a sense of accountability and finally in terms of a sense of yakkrus hazman in terms of valuing time.