Hisbodedus – Stepping out from the mundane into the spiritual

והתשובה השנית הדרכה חמישית בעשרת ימי תשובה ירא דבר השם ליבו יחרד בקרבו בדעתו שכל מעשיו בספר נכתבים ובעת ההיא האלוקים יביא במשפט את כל מעשה על כל נעלם אם טוב ואם רע כי האדם נידון בראש השנה וגזר דינו נחתם ביום הכיפורים ובעת שידע האדם כי יביאוהו בדין לפני מלך בשר ודם הלא יחרד חרדה גדולה וישית עיצות בנפשו ובכל דרכי חריצות יכין מפלט לו ולא יעלה על רוחו לפנות על ימין ועל שמאל ולהתעסק ביתר חפציו ולא ישגיח לפתח ולשדד אדמתו ולא יפנה דרך כרמים ולא ירפה ביום צרה מהכין לב להינצל כצבי מיד וכן מה נאלחו היוצאים לפועלם ולעבודתם עדי ערב בימים הנוראים ימי הדין והמשפט ואינם יודעים מה יהיה משפטם הלא לאחותם יהגה ליבם ביום שידובר בה שנאמר מה נעשה לאחותנו ביום שידובר בה וראוי לכל ירא אלוקים למעט בעסקיו ולהיות כעין נחתם ולגבור ביום ובלילה עתים להתבודד בחדריו ולחפש דרכיו ולחקור לקדם אשמורות ולהתעסק בדרכי התשובה וכשרון המעשה ולשפוך שיח ולשאת תפילה ורינה ולהפיל תחינה

So Rabbeinu Yonah counsels us, teaches us, that it's appropriate for every Yerei Elokim, or even those of us who just aspire to be a Yerei Elokim, to have a kevius itim during Aseres Yemei Teshuva for hisbodedus and to be able to devote that time to teshuva. The need for hisbodedus is simply that teshuva requires time. It requires time for reflection. It requires time for cheshbon hanefesh. It requires time for strategizing how to do and implement teshuva. It requires time to engage in that special tefillah which is an intrinsic part of doing teshuva. I think the meforshei Rabbeinu Yonah point out that this mandate for hisbodedus is not only intended al cheshbon secular or mundane pursuits which might preoccupy our time, but even someone whose schedule is completely malei v'gadosh with devarim shebikdusha, that even such a person has to steal time, has to find time for this hisbodedus. The peshatus is when Rabbeinu Yonah says ולגבור ביום ובלילה עתים that what he's conveying is that Aseres Yemei Teshuva is a chalos in the day, that it's a period of time where one's preoccupation is supposed to be teshuva. And the same way the mitzvah of Talmud Torah demands קביעות עתים ביום ובלילה, and even if I have five, nine, ten... There has to be time as well in the other half of the twenty-four hour unit because the day in the twenty-four hour sense has to be given over, has to be defined by, has to be anchored by one's talmud torah. And that expresses itself not just in how much time one spends quantitatively, but in the fact that it's bayom u'valaila. That's what Rabbeinu Yona is telling us here in terms of aseret yemei teshuva. The day is to be preoccupied with teshuva. And mimmela, that preoccupation, it's fitting that that translate into the קביעת עתים ביום ובלילה. But I wanted to share another and just very briefly, another thought or perspective on hisbodedus. The need that we have for hisbodedus is not only to escape from the preoccupations and demands on our time that otherwise would interfere with a concerted effort for teshuva. The need we have for hisbodedus is even more fundamental than that. Maybe just to segue, in the sha'ar harishon, in the ikar harishon of teshuva, Rabbeinu Yona writes:

החרטה יבין לבבו כי רע ומר עזבו את ה', וישב אל לבו כי יש עונש ונקם ישלם על העוון.

Skipping,

ויאמר בלבבו איך לא היה פחד אלקים לנגד עיני ולא יגורתי מתוכחות על עוון.

Skipping again, ואיך החלפתי בעולם חולף עולם עומד לעד לעולם. It's a theme that we stress in the סליחות ערב ראש השנה as well. All too often, instead of living in olam hazeh as a prozdor l'olam haba, we live in olam hazeh and an olam hazeh which is just full of what's cholef, what's transient, what doesn't endure. What we need to try to accomplish through hisbodedus... is to try to step out of that mundane world and existence. The olam cholef and to step into a spiritual world, a spiritual reality. An olam cholef teems with taivos, redifas mamon, pettiness. We need hisbodedus to try to step out of that world and step into a world of spiritual reality. A world where life and death,

ראה נתתי לפניך היום את החיים ואת הטוב ואת המות ואת הרע,

are defined spiritually, not just physically. A spiritual world, a spiritual reality in which we recognize the eternal consequences and reverberations of how we live, of how we spend our time, how we utilize our time. A person can live in a world where he even has spiritual and religious values, but he doesn't live in a spiritual reality. We all, baruch Hashem, have spiritual and religious values and commitments, but that's not the same as living in a spiritual world. You ask a handyman to come fix something. The door is not hanging right from from the hinges. Given one's spiritual and religious values and commitments, one may or may not bring to bear and bring to mind

לא תלין פעולת שכיר אתך עד בוקר, לא תבא עליו השמש.

Those people who live in a spiritual world, it's not pshat that what's happening here is that a door is being fixed. What's happening here is they're incurring the mitzvah, is that they're entering a situation of לא תלין פעולת שכיר אתך עד בוקר. The heicha timtza is the the door has to be fixed. But the reality of the situation is not the door. The reality of the situation is that this is a situation of לא תלין פעולת שכיר אתך עד בוקר, of לא תבא עליו השמש. I have to have to hold kop what time it is when he finishes and what time shkiah is, what time alos hashachar is. Someone comes to talk to us in the mundane reality in which we live. To some degree or another we may bring to bear we may think it's a Mitzvah De'chasid, but that's something which we superimpose. The main thing is the person is sort of encroaching upon our time. Could be a bit of a Nudnik, trying, frustrating, annoying. The reality of the situation for a person who not only lives in a mundane world where there are spiritual commitments but lives in a spiritual reality is that it's a situation of Chesed, a situation of Mitzvah. But what does it mean he's encroaching upon my time? Rabbeinu Yona says that when a person does Teshuvah, the Ikkar Harishon is he experiences Charatah, experiences that it's רב ומר עזבך השם. How bad and bitter it is. But we don't experience that because we live in a mundane world with certain religious, intellectual commitments and convictions, but they're commitments and convictions which don't define our world. The world we live in is a mundane world, so because of that there's something very dim and dull about the feeling of Hakaras Hachet. To feel Rav Vammar, to have a sense of

הבורא נפח באפיו נשמת חיים חכמת לב וטובת שכל להכירה וליראה מלפניו

V'acharei, skipping a couple of lines,

אשר בעבור זאת נבראתי ויהי בי הפך מזה למה לי חיים.

One can't feel that as long as one lives in a world which is mundane, even if there are religious and spiritual values and commitments present in that world. In a mundane world, a Chet is something we shouldn't do. In a spiritual reality, a Chet is a spiritual poison, it's a spiritual toxin. A chet is something we shouldn’t do. In a spiritual reality, a chet is a spiritual poison, it’s a spiritual toxin. In a mundane reality, religious commitment, spiritual commitment notwithstanding, chayei haguf hacholef are more real to us than chayei neshama hanitzchi. We desperately need hisbodedus, not only to free ourselves from commitments and preoccupations that fill our time, but we need hisbodedus to step out of the reality, the illusory reality that we inhabit and enter the ultimate spiritual reality. Because it’s only in that world that a person really understands what chet is. It’s only in that world that a person is really inspired to change. And while undoubtedly the reflection involved in stepping into that world is excruciating, Rabbeinu Yonah talks about how if a person does a proper teshuvah, it’s the best preventive measure to his repeating the chet because after the merirus lev, the regaza, the de'agah, the dolfa eini mituga involved in doing the teshuvah, so his association with chet would be that kos hamerirus ולא יוסיף לשתותו עוד. And all that is true, and we’re not supposed to be looking for a shortcut or a detour that bypasses it. But all that notwithstanding, there was one word in what we read from Rabbeinu Yonah in his description of the hisbodedus which was especially, especially remarkable:

ראוי לכל ירא אלקים למעט בעסקיו ולהיות כיונה נחמדת ולקבוע ביום ובלילה עתים להתבודד בחדריו ולחפש דרכיו ולחקור ולקדם אשמורות ולהתעסק בדרכי התשובה ובתיקון המעשים ולשפוך שיח ולשאת תפילה ורינה.

Rina. Kol rina vi-yeshuah. There’s a lot about the process of teshuvah which is depressing. We have to make sure that it’s not too depressing because that’s counterproductive, it’s destructive. There's a lot about the process of teshuva which is depressing, which is sobering, but ultimately Rabbeinu Yonah says it's exhilarating and it inspires a person to renew. Imagine the simcha a person would have: he's been working a job for a couple of years—it shouldn't be this way, but it has been this way—he's been paid off the books in cash. He discovers after a few years that the bills he's been getting are counterfeit. I can't believe it. For years I've been working and this is what I've been getting is counterfeit. But then he learns how to distinguish. He gets one of those pens that you use, you can check the $20 bills, the $50 bills, make sure that they're real and not counterfeit. And he stops and realizes it's true that I've been misguided until this point, but this is incredible. Moving forward, I know what's authentic and what isn't authentic. There was a painful realization, but there's an extraordinary simcha moving forward, looking forward. And the mashal can't even capture zdonos na'asu kishgagos, zdonos na'asu kizchuyos. The mashal can't even—there isn't a mashal for that—the mashal doesn't even touch upon that. When a person steps out of a mundane reality, an illusory mundane reality... we were in Washington yesterday. The whole world is an olam hasheker; that's pashut. Probably where the illusions are greatest are in places where people think that they're at the seat of power. And I'm not talking about frum lobbyists or anything; that's not what I'm talking about, that's for sure. And avada avada, in an eis tzara a person is mechuyav to make hishtadlus, but simultaneously, it's impossible not to have the sense and not to think of the pasuk of yosheiv bashamayim yis-chak. To step out of such an illusory mundane reality and to step into an ultimate, genuine spiritual reality, like walking out of a smoke-filled, polluted, very densely populated room where you can't breathe into an expanse where everything is fresh and everything is real and everything is genuine. It doesn't allow for a shortcut in terms of the koach habirur. But it also inspires during the times of התבודדות לשאת תפילה ורינה. A gut yohr, kesiva v'chasima tova.