Hesped, @White Shul, for Rav Moshe Twersky

Begin by expressing Hakaras Hatov to the Rav, to the entire kehilla for both hosting and coming to participate and create this azkara for the four kedoshim. Obviously my words will focus upon my brother זכר צדיק וקדוש לברכה not because the other three are not very worthy each in his own right each one a very very special neshama in his own right but only to be able to speak authentically in a firsthand vein I have to limit my remarks to my brother.

הלל מחייב את העניים ואלעזר בן חרסום מחייב את העשירים.

The Tanna Hillel was destitute. Lived a life of dire poverty barely barely was able to afford the most basic of necessities to hold body and soul together. From that meager income he spent to gain admission to the Beis Medrash and when that wasn't possible as you all remember from the Gemara's famous account lay by the skylight to try to hear the divrei Torah in the midst of a raging snowstorm. הלל מחייב את העניים. Elazar ben Charsom was the heir to a financial empire. Financial empire the demands of which managing it not conducive at all to any kind of serious talmud Torah and yet his attention was fully fully given and focused upon his talmud Torah. What techunas hanefesh what quality what trait is it that Hillel that Elazar ben Charsom possessed that allowed them to succeed in the face of such formidable difficulties where others also committed other aniyim were also committed to talmud Torah they were also machshiv talmud Torah there were other ashirim who were committed to talmud Torah who were machshiv talmud Torah and yet the ones who succeeded the ones who set the standard who established the bar were only Hillel Elazar ben Charsom what techunas hanefesh did they have what outlook what perspective what attitude? A mashal. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz has the mashal already. Imagine rachmana litzlan a fire breaks out. The room in which a person finds himself when that fire breaks out the door is jammed the windows are locked. It's going to require a tremendous tremendous effort to try to break through the door try to break through the window and then he's going to have to descend twenty flights of stairs. Is there any kind of inner struggle? Should I do it? Shouldn't I do it? Can I do it? Can't I do it? There's no struggle because what's at stake is of absolute supreme and therefore non-negotiable value. What's more one doesn't experience stress one doesn't feel that one is being unduly burdened or imposed upon. Again if the value is great enough if it's absolute enough if it's supreme enough if it's non-negotiable a person if it's at all... If it was humanly possible, they would prevail. For Hillel, for ר' אלעזר בן חרסום, Talmud Torah wasn't just important, it wasn't just valuable, it wasn't just a value. It was the absolute supreme value and therefore non-negotiable. If it was humanly possible, they would prevail. The story has become public, my brother's seder hayom every Shabbos, sleeping at most two hours over the course of Shabbos because every moment had to be taken advantage of, had to capitalize on every moment. But as remarkable as that hanhaga of his was, certainly no less remarkable was the mi'ut sheina every other night of his life as well from his earliest youth. What if we would bridge the unbridgeable gap between the olam hasheker where we find ourselves and the olam haemes where my brother זכר צדיק וקדוש לברכה currently resides and we would ask him how could you do it? How did you manage? How did you persevere, all that sleep deprivation, the mi'ut sheina? How was it possible? So I think the answer he would give us is that I didn't deprive myself of sleep, I was sating myself with Torah. When the Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva, at the end of Hilchos Teshuva paints the portrait of the ohev Hashem, someone, he gives the mashal, the pasuk in Shir Hashirim of cholas ahava, just like a person who's love-sick, whose mind is constantly, constantly preoccupied, so too the ohev Hashem, even more, bechol levavo, bechol nafsho, always, always constantly preoccupied. If we would ask that person how can you manage to keep that thought in your mind at all times? The answer would be is how could I not? Talmud Torah bifrat and avodas Hashem bichlal was of absolute, supreme, and exclusive value to my brother. The Rambam's concluding lines in Hilchos Lulav,

השמחה שישמח האדם בעשיית המצוות ובאהבת הקל שציווה בהן עבודה גדולה היא.

The sense of simcha, of joy, that a person should feel and experience, the sense of ahavas Hashem that a person should feel and experience in fulfilling mitzvos is a very great form of עבודת הקדוש ברוך הוא. The Maggid Mishneh in commenting on that Rambam, chayav la'asosan, person should feel obligated vehu same'ach be'asiyasan and have a sense of joy veyakel be'einav tarchan and the tarcha, the effort, the exertion, which objectively to the onlooker, to the spectator, would seem to be great for the person himself veyakel be'einav tarcha, he doesn't feel the tarcha, ויבין כי לכך נוצר, and he understands, he discerns that this is what he was created for. This isn't something being imposed or superimposed upon him. This is his life, this is his essence, ki lachach knotzar. ki l'kach notzar, l'shamesh es kono, to serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu. וכשהוא עושה מה שנברא בשבילו ישמח ויגל. And when a person is able to realize, to live up to his mandate in life, so a person can genuinely rejoice. Remember many, many years ago, my brother told me a story he had heard from Rav Gershon Zacks, zecher tzadik livracha. The story was about his father, Rav Mendel Zacks, the son-in-law of the Chofetz Chaim. It was in the midst of a blizzard, and the question was whether or not to make the long trek to the kollel where Rav Mendel was learning at that point. Snow drifts, no visibility whatsoever. So Rav Mendel decided that they would look out and see that if the king's soldiers were out and about, so then he would make the trek to the kollel as well. And in fact, kach hava. The king's soldiers were out and about, the blizzard, the snow drifts, the zero visibility notwithstanding, and Rav Mendel said, if they can go for melech basar vadam, so we can go for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I don't know if it was with this story in mind, but in the first years after my brother זכר צדיק וקדוש לברכה and tivadel lachayim, my sister-in-law got married, they were living in Monsey, and they lived quite a distance from the kollel where he was learning. Sufficiently so that with his zehirus and dikduk, he had an eruv techumin to be able to go to the kollel every Shabbos. He was sick one year with considerable fever, last days Succos. So after Yom Tov, I asked him, so what did you do for hakafos, you stayed home? And whether it was with this story of Rav Mendel resonating in his mind or not, so he just said, well, I schlepped myself down to the kollel. If the value is great enough, if the value is supreme, if the value is exclusive, if it's humanly possible, it happens. My brother never ever compromised with himself, never ever gave in to what others seemed to be inordinate difficulty, tremendous tircha, but in his mind, in his experience, it wasn't a tircha, like the Maggid Mishneh says, yakel alav tarcho. Imagine, imagine if when we stood Shemoneh Esrei, our attitude was that the most important thing in the world is that we should say the next word with kavana, and then the next word after that, and then the next word after that. Maintaining and sustaining kavana is a great and daunting challenge. But if it was the most important thing at that time, if it was of absolute, supreme, exclusive importance and value, perhaps we would be able to maintain that kavana. And if one were tired, question is, can I learn another five minutes, another ten minutes, or am I spent? Is all the energy depleted? So if Talmud Torah weren't just chashuv in our eyes, if it weren't just a value, if we looked to the example set by someone like my brother and you saw that it's of absolute and supreme and exclusive value, so perhaps we would discover a reserve of energy for another five minutes, another ten minutes. A word of elaboration on my brother's derech avoda in his kiyum hamitzvos. His various strictures which when one of his talmidim once pressed him on, he at first dismissed self-deprecatingly as minor shtussim. When the talmid refused to accept that, told him the Rebbe doesn't do shtussim, so he agreed to call it minor zachen. There were incredible dikdukim, zehirus muflages to avoid any possible shemetz or nidnud aveira. לא יאומן כי יסופר. Alongside that zehirus were hiddurim. Not when it was a question of any possible shemetz shel aveira, but to be mekayem every mitzvah to the highest, highest standard possible. He waited every Motzoei Shabbos the longest, longest zman, calculating every possibility according to every shita. To daven be-tzibbur because it's not mehudar to daven while it's still possibly Shabbos, while it's not ודאי זמן קריאת שמע, would walk an hour, an hour and a half to the other side of Yerushalayim, the only place where he could find such a late minyan. Had trouble with his back, had trouble with his feet, didn't make a difference. We're all familiar with chasidim ve-anshei ma'aseh who display remarkable mesirus nefesh for different mitzvos. We know of chasidim ve-anshei ma'aseh who are so nizaher on chometz be-Pesach. We know of other chasidim ve-anshei ma'aseh who are so nizaher in inyanei kashrus. We know of chasidim ve-anshei ma'aseh who are so punctilious and so medakdek in how they lein Krias Shema, in their Krias HaTorah. Rav Schachter zecher tzadik livracha once quoted his, his father Rav Mendel saying the Rambam writes by Chanukah that מצות נר חנוכה מצוה חביבה היא עד מאוד, it's, it's a tremendously dear mitzvah. So Rav Mendel said to be yotzei le-chol ha-de'os is included in in that chavivus. It's one expression of that chavivus. But with my brother, he didn't specialize in any mitzvah. Every single mitzvah, every single mitzvah was the same zehirus that people have on chometz mashehu on Pesach. Every single mitzvah with dikdukim and and hiddurim, whether it was chometz be-Pesach, whether it was hafrashas trumos u-ma'asros, whether it was inyanei kashrus, whether it was Krias Shema, whether it was tefillin, whether it was Krias HaTorah, every single mitzvah, based on a a total mastery of the relevant halachos and sources, everyone with dikdukim and hiddurim. Some of the dikdukim and hiddurim perhaps were practiced by other people, some of them totally his own. If it's of absolute value and you love it enough, so you shower upon it the utmost attention. A parent loves a child. We don't calculate, what do I have to do to discharge my my parental obligations. You do everything humanly possible. The yira, the ahava, the zehirus, the chasidus, the hidurim in every single mitzvah, every single mitzvah. Once we were talking about the Rambam in the beginning of Hilchos De'os where the Rambam presents his understanding of the mitzvah of V'halachta Bidrachav as the mida hamemutzaas, as the middle path. And we were talking about the fact that the correct understanding of that is that the middle path doesn't sort of represent again a compromise between the two extremes, but it means that a person has both extremes within him. They coexist and generally the way that will manifest itself This coincidence of opposites, this steadfastness and unwavering firmness in a certain derech in life and simultaneously an openness and embrace and ahavas yisroel of all Jews. Perhaps another word about the ben odom lachaveiro. The Rambam concludes his discussion of the mitzvah of kiddush hashem. אם דקדק החכם על עצמו. If the chacham, the gadol batorah is very exacting with himself, והיה בדבורו בנחת עם הבריות, speaks softly, gently to people, vedaato meureves imahem, he's integrated amongst them, he interacts with them, they interact with him, ומקבלם בסבר פנים יפות, greets them graciously, warmly, ונעלב מהם ואינו עולבם, even if he suffers insult at their hand, he doesn't respond, mechabed lohen, always, always accords them the highest respect, afilu lamikilim lo, even those who don't treat him with the proper respect, nosei venosei be'emuna, all his dealings are with tremendous integrity, ולא ירבה באריכות עמי הארץ וישיבתן ad sheyimatzeu, skipping a line, עד שימצאו הכל מקלסין אותו אוהבין אותו ומתאוין למעשיו, with the result being that everyone praises him, everyone loves him, everyone desires to emulate him, הרי זה קידש את השם. Such a person has successfully been mekadesh shem shamayim. Just to note two very, very striking things in this halacha of the Rambam. Number one, just the centrality of the ben odom lachaveiro in kiddush hashem, the centrality of the ben odom lachaveiro in the kiddush hashem. And number two, the seiver ponim yofos. Anyone who met my brother, anyone who received a sholom aleichem, invariably commented on the smile, invariably commented on the smile which just communicated so much warmth and welcome, a seiver ponim yofos. The Reishis Chochma writes in Shaar HaKedusha, talking about chanufa. Generally we translate chanufa as flattery, but what it means more fundamentally, flattery is one manifestation, is when a person is אחד בפה אחד בלב, when a person postures, when a person feigns, when a person looks to project an external image that doesn't match, that doesn't conform to the inner reality. So that's chanufa, one of the kitim, one of the groups that doesn't receive the pnei hashchina. So the Reishis Chochma writes, נמצא כי מכלל החניפים, someone who belongs to that unwelcome group and classification, הוא העושה מצוה לאל יתברך, person who performs a mitzvah, וכוונתו בשביל שיכבדוהו בני אדם, but his desire is that through that kiyum hamitzvah he should earn people's respect, that people should respect him. Vechosav bechovos halevavos, כי העושה מעשה בשביל כבוד בני אדם או מיראתם, if a person is motivated in his mitzvos, in his torah, either by being the recipient of kovod, of honor from people or out of some sense of fear, אינו עובד לבורא אלא לבני אדם. So that's not avodas hashem. It's human worship, it's not divine worship. People have been justly wondering, perplexed, how could it be, as some of the stories, a small, small percentage, as some of the stories surface, and they begin to sense what towering stature my brother was, how could it be that that went unnoticed? How could it be that he lived amongst us, that he walked amongst us for 59 years, and that towering, towering presence went unnoticed? The answer is those words of the Reshis Chochma כתבם על לוח לבך were inscribed in his heart. He hid and he hid and he hid, and he ran and he ran and he ran from any possible kavod. If it was conceivable to be done and that no one should be aware of it, only Hakadosh Baruch Hu would be aware of it, he did it that way. The little bit we know is only what was impossible to be hidden. There was a certain temimus, a certain wholesomeness to my brother's life. I'd like to try to explain that, be'ezras Hashem, by sharing an anecdote, an experience I had just a few days ago during shloshim. I was outside the classroom, outside our shiur room, and very focused upon entering the shiur room, beginning to learn. A woman, nebach a nitztarachos, whose husband is very ill, who has great need, stopped me. I was about to politely brush her aside. I was about to politely tell her that I can't now, I'm about to head into the classroom, and at that moment דמות דיוקנו של אחי הקדוש appeared to me. Let me explain. I live a fragmented life. There are times when I learn a little bit of Torah, when I do some mitzvos, and then there's other times. There's Torah, there's me. That fragmentation then spills over to the way one approaches mitzvos as well. A mitzvah becomes sort of a self-contained, distinct obligation, and it's that self-contained, distinct obligation that I was focused upon, and this was an interference, it was a disruption. What did the dmus dyukno remind me? My brother was never focused on talmud Torah per se. He was never focused on kiyum hamitzvos per se. He was focused on doing ratzon Hashem. If one's whole orientation, if there's no fragmentation in one's life, if there's a wholesomeness, if there's a temimus, if there's תמים תהיה עם ה' אלוקיך, every ounce and fiber of one's being is im Hashem Elokecha, there's a wholesomeness, there's a temimus. If right now the ratzon Hashem is Just to detour and not to go into the classroom, not to go into this shiur room and lend a sympathetic ear to someone who needs it? What do you mean it's a disruption? What do you mean it's an interference? When one lives a fragmented existence, there's me, my things, my hobbies, my desires, this Torah. So then even within Torah, there are distinct obligations. Right now I have to do this. Another mitzvah becomes an interference when one lives a fragmented existence. My brother lived a wholesome existence. A life of tmimus. Every moment possible he was learning. If there were umlalim umarei nefesh, if there were unfortunate souls who needed him, he could listen for hours and hours and hours with interminable patience. And it wasn't disrupting him. It wasn't interfering with what he should have been doing because there was a wholesomeness to his life. Because there was a continuum, because he was doing what he was supposed to be doing. A moment ago before this unfortunate person called on the phone or knocked on the door, the ratzon Hashem was to be sitting over the Gemara and now the ratzon Hashem was to be sitting with this person. That wholesomeness was not only in terms of the interplay between different mitzvos, which is why again it was never viewed as a competition, as an interference, as a disruption, but that wholesomeness was also because of his fulfillment of bechol drachecha doehu. When everything a person does is oriented towards ratzon Hashem, there's a seamless transition. There's a wholesomeness to one's life. But let's try to understand that orientation, that type of life, a little bit better, a little bit deeper. The Rambam begins the Yad Hachazaka by telling us

יסוד היסודות ועמוד החכמות לידע שיש שם מצוי ראשון וממציא כל נמצא.

The foundation of everything, the pillar of all wisdom is to know, to experience, that there is an eternal being who is mamtzi kol nimtza. And as the Rav zatzal used to underscore, the Rambam writes it in the present tense. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives existence to everything that exists. Every moment Hakadosh Baruch Hu wills that the world continue to exist. Every moment the world exists because and only because it's ratzon Hashem right now that the world continue. The Nefesh Hachaim, the beginning of his sefer,

כמו בעת בריאת העולמות כולם בראם והמציאם הוא יתברך יש מאין בכוחו הבלתי תכלית,

just like at the beginning when Hashem created the world and created time, so at that first moment of time, when ex nihilo, when Hakadosh Baruch Hu brought the world into existence,

כן מאז כל יום וכל רגע ממש כל כח מציאותם וסדרם וקיומם תלוי רק במה שהוא יתברך שמו משפיע בהם ברצונו יתברך כל רגע כח ושפע אור חדש.

We don't exist through inertia. We exist every moment, there's a ratzon Hashem that sustains our existence. So let's reflect about that for a moment. We exist, all existence, and let's personalize it, let's individualize it. Each one of us exists as an expression of ratzon Hashem. That's the essence. That's, that is how we exist, why we exist, and the only possible way to exist as an expression of Ratzon Hashem. Let's reflect for another moment. In light of that, the only authentic way to live is to live in accordance with Ratzon Hashem. Every moment my, your, everyone's entire being, existence is an expression of Ratzon Hashem, Mamtzi Kol Nimtza. At this moment Hakadosh Baruch Hu wills that we exist, that we continue to exist. So a person, everything is just an expression of Ratzon Hashem. The only fully authentic and genuine way to exist, to live, is every moment to be geared towards that Ratzon Hashem. In the year following my father's petira, friends, talmidim, chassidim joined together and wrote a Sefer Torah in his memory. My brother came in from Eretz Yisrael for the hachnasas Sefer Torah and at the time spoke very beautifully and richly, kedarko, about the notion of bris, commenting on the pasuk, where's in parshas mishpatim, where the Sefer Torah is described as ויקח את ספר הברית. And he mentioned then the Ramban's observation that the word bris is in the genitive construct, right? Isha is woman or wife, eshes, when the sof often indicates the genitive, right, the wife of. So the word bris is in the genitive construct. To be a baal bris with someone, to be connected through a bris, through a covenant, is to be of, to be of one with the baal bris. And to quote his words then, our bris with Hakadosh Baruch Hu binds our being and existence with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Our bris with Hakadosh Baruch Hu binds our being and existence with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. People, anshei ma'ala, people of stature or substance, great people don't talk about themselves. They don't voluntarily open windows into their soul. But occasionally, unintentionally, a devar Torah can be self-revelatory. And if you want a glimpse, if there's a, if there's a adam gadol you know, there's a ish hama'ala that you know, a person of stature, a person of substance, so obviously if he's of substance, if he's great, he's going to be tzanua, he's going to be hidden, he's not going to reveal anything that doesn't have to be revealed. But sometimes divrei Torah unintentionally, involuntarily are self-revelatory. My brother lived his life to bind his being and existence with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the absolute supreme exclusive value of Torah and mitzvos. The fact that when it came to a kiyum hamitzva, he knew of nothing other than the highest highest standard. In a shiur, he could tell you what's okay me'ikar hadin, what's l'chatchila, what's mitzva min hamuvchar. He could give you the whole rank, he could give you the whole listing. There was only one option when it came to kiyum hamitzvos. He sought to bind his being and existence with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I'd like to conclude with two perspectives. One perspective on my brother's life, the other on his death at the hands of bnei avla, misa chatupha, a sudden sudden death. at the hands of bnei avlah. First the perspective on his life. Over thirty years ago, Tashnam Beis, 1982 leminyanam, my father zatzal made a seudah to commemorate the hundredth yahrzeit of Reb Dovid of Tolna and also the tenth yahrzeit of of his father Reb Meshulam Zushe. The seudah was held on Reb Dovid of Tolna's yahrzeit, Yud Iyar, which in the sfira is Netzach ShebeNetzach. In his divrei Torah, my brother זכר צדיק וקדוש לברכה spoke about nitzchiyos. He began with a beautiful Midrash. The Midrash says that over the course of its lifetime, a nemala, an ant, consumes only a chita u'mechtza, a kernel and a half of wheat. That's the total amount that an ant consumes in its lifetime, and yet it stores abundant supplies of food. Why? שמא יגזור עלי הקדוש ברוך הוא חיים. As it were, the Midrash says, maybe Hakadosh Baruch Hu is going to decree that I should live longer. So my brother explained, basing himself on something the Maharal says, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu placed in the beriah instinctive behavior in the animal kingdom, which models for us midos that we need to cultivate, that we need to develop. The instinctive behavior of the nemala, of the ant, kavyachol, that the ant is hoping and yearning שמא יגזור עלי הקדוש ברוך הוא חיים, maybe Hakadosh Baruch Hu will decree life for me. The mida that that reflects, that that highlights, is that a human being has a teshuka, has a desire, yearns for nitzchiyos. Everyone, every one of us, yearns for nitzchiyos. Sometimes, but we're baalei bechirah, we're not instinctive creatures. Sometimes that teshuka, that yearning can be misdirected and we look to amass wealth that will endure and endure and endure and put up buildings with our names inscribed that will stand for generations and generations long after we've passed from the earth. Or that teshuka, that yearning can be correctly channeled towards Torah, towards seeking and yearning for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That yearning for nitzchiyos can be successfully and correctly channeled into a yearning for Hakadosh Baruch Hu, bakashas Hashem. My brother lived his life with his sights set upon nitzchiyos, his vision was never blurred and he never faltered and that teshuka for nitzchiyos. And when the moment came that Hakadosh Baruch Hu decreed that the time had come, he was ready to transition for that nitzchiyos, his whole life had been lived in anticipation of that nitzchiyos. A perspective on his petira. I ask, I ask you all mora'ai verabbosai to listen very carefully. I'm not ra'ui to say these things, but they need to be said. ומהקדוש ברוך הוא אשאל שלא אכשל בלשוני There’s a profound paradox deeply embedded in Halacha, in the world, in the Beri’ah. On the one hand, Kiddush Hashem, the Rif so beautifully describes, is so holy and lofty, so Kadosh venisgav. The Rambam writes that Daniel, Chananya, Mishael, Azarya, Rabbi Akiva vachaveirav אין מעלה על מעלתן. One can’t—all those who gave their lives, who were ready to give their lives al Kiddush Hashem, אין מעלה על מעלתן. One can’t surpass them. אין מעלה על מעלתן. Hadavar kadosh venisgav. Kiddush Hashem, hadavar kadosh venisgav, holy, lofty, sublime. And yet, when Rabbi Akiva died, it was a חילול השם שאין כמוהו. Rabbi Akiva, the guardian and transmitter of Torah she-be-al Peh, that Bnei Avla could lay a finger on Rabbi Akiva, the guardian and transmitter of Torah she-be-al Peh, and subject him to such a cruel inhuman death, is a חילול השם שאין כמוהו. His death was a קידוש השם שאין כמוהו, but it was also a חילול השם שאין כמוהו. How do we understand that? How is it that to realize the ultimate Kiddush Hashem, it’s simultaneously a staggering massive Chillul Hashem? The Rosh Yeshiva Rav Shmuel Auerbach began his hesped: אלקים באו גוים בנחלתך טמאו היכל קדשך. My brother’s death was a massive massive Kiddush Hashem, but it was a massive Chillul Hashem. אלקים באו גוים בנחלתך, Jews are standing in Artzeinu HaKedosha, the Am HaNivchar living in Artzeinu HaKedosha, me’utaf betalis, me’utaf betfillin, and Bnei Avla come in and damam nishpach kamayim. A Kiddush Hashem of massive proportions, staggering proportions, but a Chillul Hashem of massive and staggering proportions. How are we supposed to view that? Kemidumeh, it’s not a question that calls for an answer, but it calls for the correct perspective. Chazal tell us אין מיתה בלא חטא, rachmana litzlan death results from sin. And when clearly Kedoshim die as a korban tzibur, and everyone, everyone had that same correct insightful reaction that that’s what happened in Har Nof, these were not four individual pitiros, these were four korbanos tzibur, so אין מיתה בלא חטא points to the fact... U'mipnei chata'einu, so that means that cheit is responsible for that chillul Hashem. Rav Chaim Volozhiner writes in Nefesh HaChaim, he says, Nevuchadnezzar and Titus couldn't lay a hand on the בית המקדש של מטה until our sins had destroyed the בית המקדש של מעלה. Ultimately, cheit was responsible for that chillul Hashem. So what zechus can possibly sustain us? What merit can possibly sustain us in the face of such a staggering demerit as chillul Hashem? Ribbono shel Olam created the world in such a way that if that chillul Hashem happens, it's offset, it's countered, it's balanced by a staggering kiddush Hashem. Yes, Rachmana litzlan, it was a massive chillul Hashem, but the Ribbono shel Olam created the world in such a way that we would always have this zechus, that there's a counterbalancing kiddush Hashem. This realization, the fact that my brother and the other three kedoshim died a remarkable, remarkable death al kiddush Hashem points to the fact that there was a need for such a kiddush Hashem. We needed that zechus of that remarkable kiddush Hashem. And the greater the kiddush Hashem was,

מעוטף בטלית מעוטף בתפילין הרוצה שיקבל עליו עול מלכות שמים שלמה יניח תפילין יקרא קריאת שמע ויתפלל

in the midst of the perfect, optimal קבלת עול מלכות שמים, such a remarkable, remarkable kiddush Hashem. But what that points to, morai v'rabosai, is that we needed that zechus of such a remarkable kiddush Hashem. אוי לאזניים שכך שומעות אוי לעיניים שכך רואות. Every one of us, I'm not worthy to say it but it needs to be said, every one of us needs, needs to make very practical, real, concrete kabbalos and to implement them. It can't be, it simply can't be, morai v'rabosai, that the shloshim will come to a close and that life will resume with a footnote in the history books and four fresh kevaros. It can't be, rabosai. If there was need for such a merit of such a kiddush Hashem, so it means HaKadosh Baruch Hu is asking for a response from us. My field of vision is too blurred by negei atzmi. I don't claim to know of or see anyone else's shortcomings. I can't tell anyone what I think the kabbalos should be. I don't know what the kabbalos should be. Hopefully, b'ezras Hashem, I'll know what my kabbalos should be. But this I do know: that we need, we need very practical, real, concrete kabbalos is the only, only reaction possible, and it's a reaction that's being demanded of us. That's the message in the kiddush Hashem, both bein adam l'chaveiro and bein adam laMakom. Real, concrete, practical kabbalos that we will have begun to implement bli neder. Before the conclusion of the shloshim, first day of Chanukah, haba aleinu l'tova. And halevai that in the zchus of those kabbalos, in the zchus of the teshuva that it will represent and help spark, we should be zoche to live al kiddush Hashem and that that kiddush Hashem should bring a גאולה שלמה במהרה בימינו.