Elul 5785 – Hilchos Teshuva 10: Teshuva in Life and at End of Life (2:1)

פרק ב הלכה א that the Rambam describes three levels of teshuva. He begins by describing depicting teshuva gemura

זה שבא לידו דבר שעבר בו ואפשר בידו לעשות ופירש ולא עשה מפני התשובה.

Then the second level is

אם לא שב אלא בימי זקנותו ובעת שאי אפשר לו לעשות מה שהיה עושה.

And then the third level is

אפילו עבר כל ימיו ועשה תשובה ביום מיתתו ומת בתשובתו כל עונותיו נמחלים.

So we understand the three levels. But what's very curious here is that when the Rambam initially, when he's illustrating and depicting teshuva, so he speaks of that a person violated a particular issur Torah, he committed a particular cheit זה שבא לידו דבר שעבר בו. And then he continues with that scenario in level number two אם לא שב אלא בימי זקנותו. But all of a sudden when he depicts level number three, so the Rambam is no longer talking about a single cheit, but when he depicts level number three, it's

אפילו עבר כל ימיו ועשה תשובה יום מיתתו כל עונותיו נמחלים.

Now all of a sudden the Rambam is talking about the a whole multitude of chata'im. Maybe to tell us that that chesed that Hakadosh Baruch Hu accepts the teshuva even then was not just for one cheit but even for person who has lots of chata'im, but that doesn't seem to exhaust what the Rambam has in mind. So lichora as follows: the Mishna in Sanhedrin says that when a person was chayav sekila, so when they were taking him out to administer the misas beis din, so when they were approaching the beis haskila, so they would say to him omrim lo hisvadei, that they would tell him to be misvadei. So even though the Mishna there is speaking in context of someone who's chayav misas beis din, but the Braisa in Maseches Shabbos says that מי שחלה ונטה למות is the exact same lashon of omrim lo hisvadei. So what it says there is not limited to someone who's chayav misas beis din, but it means someone whose indications might be Rachmana litzlan approaching death, because the Braisa says in Shabbos מי שחלה ונטה למות is also omrim lo hisvadei. So the Mishna in Sanhedrin continues and says that if eino yodeiah lehisvados, if the person doesn't know how to be misvadei, so we coach him. So omrim lo, we say to him emor, say the following תהא מיתתי כפרה על כל עונותי. That lashon תהא מיתתי כפרה על כל עונותי. Now the Braisa in Maseches at the end of Yoma in the teshuva sugyas has a machlokes tana'im whether or not viduy has to include peret hacheit. So ר' יהודה בן בבא is of the opinion that it does, that צריך לפרוט את החטא, because when Moshe Rabbeinu was being misvadei on behalf of Klal Yisrael after the cheit ha'eigel, he says

אנא חטא עם הזה חטאה גדולה ויעשו להם אלוהי זהב.

And that's how the Rambam paskens in the beginning of Hilchos Teshuva, that when the Rambam says

כיצד מתוודה אומר אנא השם חטאתי עויתי פשעתי לפניך ועשיתי כך וכך

and he specifies the cheit. So the question is when we're coaching this person who doesn't know how to be misvadei, so why don't we encourage him to try to recall whatever specific chata'im he can think of? Okay, at that time, you know, he's not necessarily going to be so composed and maybe he's not going to be able to, you know, to exhaustively search the memory bank, but at least encourage him to be mefaret what he can. Okay, so he can say it in undertone אשרי נשוי פשע כסוי חטאה, he doesn't need to be mefarsem it. But why aren't we encouraging here him to be mefaret hacheit? So lichora what emerges from there is that teshuva beyom moso and this is reflected in the viduy is different than teshuva in the middle of a person's life. Again, middle of a person's life doesn't mean that he's thirty-five or forty, it means that there's still some time, maybe only a day, but there's still some time in front of him. And it differs in the following sense that a teshuva in mid-life Life has to be atomized and itemized that the person has to be mityacheis to individual chataim. The tchuva relates, again, there may be sort of global and and encompassing yesodos, but the tchuva also has to happen on the atomic level. It has to be ve'asisi kach ve'kach. It has to relate to individual chataim. Ma she'ein kein, the tchuva biyom miso, so a person is being misvadeh about his life. משל למה הדבר דומה, let's say you have a teenager and he's very wild in high school. So one scenario is that the principal calls him in after 10th grade and tells him, look, we're ready to expel you, we're willing to let you stay on probation, but here you need to sign this contract. So clearly that contract is not only going to say he has to abide by all rules, but it's going to specify all the things that, all the infractions he's been guilty of, and that he won't do this, he won't do this, he won't do this. But what happens, scenario number two, if the conversation is not happening in the middle of high school, but let's say eich shehu he got away with it, and now it's the day after graduation and he comes to the principal and he wants to apologize? He's not going to start going through a whole laundry list. He's going to say, look, I recognize that my high school career was a disaster and I'm sorry. I realize that it was a total abysmal failure and I'm sorry. And on the contrary, in this context to itemize would almost minimize what he's saying. So the tchuva and therefore this is reflected in the viduy as well. The tchuva biyom miso is not, again, doesn't happen on the atomic level. It happens in terms of its mityacheis to a person's life. Oh, so that's the pshat here in פרק ב הלכה א when the Rambam is depicting the first two, so he's talking about, again, tchuva gmura and then the second stage, but the person still has life in front of him. So then tchuva is on the atomic level as well. So the Rambam speaks about the illustration, s'darf to have one illustration. When he comes to the third level of biyom miso, so at this point there's no more atomic tchuva. It's not, the tchuva doesn't target one by one. It doesn't also have to target one by one each chata. So there the Rambam speaks of kol avonosav nimchalu.