Career – living reflectively

Over Shabbos, one of the issues which we discussed was choice of careers, how a person goes about making that choice. After the tish, in discussion, so a few of you raised the question, shifted tracks a little bit to how one copes with some of the challenges upon leaving the koslei beis medrash of living, working, studying, whatever the case may be in a secular environment. And specifically how does one do that, how does one work in a law firm, in an accounting firm, go to graduate school without there being inevitably a yerida rachmana litzlan? So first of all it becomes especially important and especially vital in such circumstances that a person has to live a reflective life. To live a reflective life means that sometimes we set up our schedule properly, meaning whatever is in our schedule, whatever we're doing are things we're supposed to be doing. If a person is working as an accountant, he's working as a lawyer, okay, so that's a mitzvah to make hishtadlus to earn parnassah is a mitzvah. So the various components of his schedule are all correct, correctly decided upon, but if a person doesn't live reflectively, if a person just goes about his routine as such, well every morning you wake up and you brush your teeth and you daven and you go to the office. So what happens is if you just go about a routine without being reflective, without stopping to remind yourself why am I doing this, for what purpose am I doing this, so then what happens is that you just end up going with the tide. So when you're still within the confines of yeshiva, so again even then it's not the right thing to do to live unreflectively, but alright at least then the tide will sweep you out towards the beis medrash for ten o'clock mariv, towards seder in the morning, towards seder at night. But once one is in a secular environment, just to go about one's routine unreflectively has tremendous dangers. But again, the truth is that this yesod of living reflectively is true at every stage in one's life, even within the koslei beis medrash. Basically this is what the Nefesh Hachaim says, right, in the famous segment in the Nefesh Hachaim where he critiques those who spend an inordinate amount of time studying mussar, so Rav Chaim Volozhiner says it's a v'nahafoch hu, right, the Gemara says יראת השם היא אוצרו, that yiras Hashem is the treasure house for Torah. So who ever heard that you spend your whole life building the treasury and you don't spend any time amassing the riches that you want to keep in the, that you want to store in the treasure. So Rav Chaim Volozhiner says so therefore it's totally disproportionate, again, amongst the there were in his day people who, again, took mussar to an extreme and spent most of their time learning sifrei mussar. But then Rav Chaim Volozhiner says but don't misunderstand me, there certainly is room and need to study from time to time a few minutes of mussar to put what you're doing, to put even your Talmud Torah in context. So the need to live reflectively is an important yesod in one's avodas Hashem all the time. The dangers of neglecting this yesod become even greater when one is not in a Torah environment such as yeshiva, but in a secular environment. So certainly when one goes again be it to a graduate school, be it when one joins the workforce and is working in some company, it's very important to realize that אני משכים והם משכימים but there's a big difference ani. I'm here because it's a mitzvah and therefore I have to not lose sight of that and I can't get caught up in looking to advance and earn the promotion unless that is consistent with my goal of being here for a mitzvah, to earn parnassa, to be עוסק בישובו של עולם, to be mekadesh shem shamayim by my behavior here. But if a person lives reflectively and keeps in mind why he's here, what he's doing here, so then he's not going to simply get swept up and swept away in the secular current which is present. The other important yesod is that prior to leaving Yeshiva, it's very important to try to anticipate as much as possible the type of challenges which one will encounter and to have a blueprint, to have some kind of game plan in mind for how one's going to deal with them. Right in the beginning of Parshas Vayeitzei, so the Torah tells us about Yaakov Avinu that vayishkav bamakom hahu. So Rashi quotes from Chazal that that night he slept but the 14 years ששימש בבית מדרשם של שם ועבר he didn't sleep. So the question is if Yaakov Avinu had a sufficient supply of caffeine pills to keep him awake for 14 nights, so all of a sudden he exhausted the supply? For 14 years he managed to stay awake at night, so what's epis all of a sudden he was oisgemattit? All of a sudden after 14 years he needed a good night's sleep. So the pshat is that it's not that Yaakov went to sleep and then he happened to dream, it's rather he went to sleep in order to dream. Because what a dream represents is a plan for the future. That's what a dream is, right? When a person dreams, so he dreams about what he's going to be, he dreams about how much he's going to learn, right? That's what a dream is, a dream is a blueprint for the future. So Yaakov Avinu knew that I'm leaving the insular environment of בית מדרשם של שם ועבר and I'm going to live with Lavan HaArami. So he knew that the types of challenges he was going to face were new challenges, challenges which he had never encountered before and he knew that if you just make that transition without thinking, without planning, so then a person is much more prone Rachmana litzlan to be nichshal in those challenges. So therefore vayishkav bamakom hahu for the purpose of vayachalom, for the purpose of dreaming. So before one leaves the koslei haYeshiva, one has to anticipate the type of culture and the type of environment in which one's going to find oneself and have certain plans, make certain commitments. Make a commitment that from day one, it's important that people know who you are and what you represent. You have to create expectations for yourself because regardless of what, even though this question is an anachronistic shaalah, it's not a shaalah anymore because no one has any need for it, but regardless of what the merits are or are not in terms of is there a hetter to take off your yarmulke in the workplace, so that's on a purely theoretical level. So Rav Moshe talks about it, that's on a purely theoretical level. On a practical level, there's no question that to take your yarmulke off is to magnify the nisyonos in the workplace a hundredfold. Because as long as you have your yarmulke on, so then you have created certain expectations for yourself. Because by having the yarmulke on, so that signifies that I'm to the side. I do things differently, I march to a different beat and I have standards which I'll uphold even if they're not popular. And that has to be clear, it has to be clear again not in an obtrusive way, not in an obnoxious way Rachmana litzlan but just in a quiet dignified way. The fact that one keeps one's yarmulke on, that one makes no secret of the fact of why you have to leave early on Friday in the wintertime, that one doesn't participate regardless of what unless, I don't know, if there are really extenuating. extenuating circumstances then you ask a shaila but certainly as a matter of course the end of the secular year parties that one isn't there because then by doing that again you set expectations for yourself. Once you set expectations for yourself so then one feels a self-imposed pressure to live up to those expectations. If no one knows if I don't have a yarmulke on and no one knows that I have different standards and I don't feel that sense of expectation so then it's much easier when there's no expectation there's no pressure. Without pressure it's much easier for a person not to live up to standards. I mean ultimately that psychological principle that we need pressure to be mechazek ourselves is why Chazal emphasized yiras ha’onesh so much right? We like to think that yiras ha’onesh is sort of I don't know that it's not sophisticated enough for us. But the truth is that again the psychological principle of yiras ha’onesh though obviously many other elements and dimensions to it as well is that we do need the reinforcement of pressure. And one of the ways of creating a self-imposed pressure again in an environment where it's all too easy again to let down your guard and to simply you know go with the flow go with the tide is again you create this self-imposed pressure by creating expectations. You create expectations because from day one they see that despite the fact that you're collegial despite the fact that you're helpful despite the fact that you're professional that all of that notwithstanding but you're also levadod yishkon. You also stand to the side and that's the type of balance which a person has to strike. On the one hand he is me’urav im habriyos there is collegiality there is helpfulness there is friendliness there's מקדים בשלום כל אדם bishlom kol adam. Rabbi Yochanan was makdim and yet at the same time clearly during lunchtime if that's the way it happens in this particular firm the conversation is inappropriate and the language used is inappropriate so he doesn't join in. He'll be helpful he'll do he's a wonderful coworker but on these occasions he doesn't participate. Chazal tell us in Parshas Chukas Rashi quotes right in Zos chukas hatorah that the umos ha’olam monin es Yisroel. That umos ha’olam can't begin to understand why we observe chukim. That's on the one hand. And yet when you juxtapose that with the posuk in Parshas Va’eschanan so in Parshas Va’eschanan the Torah says referring back to chukim that

ושמרתם ועשיתם כי היא חכמתכם ובינתכם לעיני העמים אשר ישמעון את כל החוקים האלה ואמרו רק עם חכם ונבון הגוי הגדול הזה.

So on the one hand our allegiance to Torah it inspires respect. On the other hand the umos ha’olam never fully get it they never fully understand it because that's what Chazal tell us in Parshas Chukas that the umos ha’olam monin es Yisroel. So that's what a person has to know going in that on the one hand there will be common ground and the common ground will again amongst metukanim shebahem will command respect but me’idach gisa a person shouldn't go in with either the need or the expectation to be fully understood. A frum Jew is not going to be fully understood and should recognize that. The other challenge is just very quickly which is built into professional life is that tefilla b’tzibbur and kevius itim l’torah are not built into your schedule automatically the way they are here in yeshiva. Certainly part of the vayecha'lom certainly part of the dream of the blueprint for when one is making this transition from yeshiva again to other pursuits be it graduate school be it in the workplace is there have to be certain absolutes certain absolutes in one's schedule. Tefilla b’tzibbur has to be an absolute kevius itim l’torah has to be an absolute. Absolute. And by absolute, k'pshuto k'mashmao, because again Chazal tell us a profound psychological principle when they say כיון שעבר אדם עבירה and the person does it again and again, so it's nas'as lo k'heter. What does it mean? It means when something is a chok v'lo ya'avor, when something is absolute, so then even if it's difficult, but if in my mind this is something which I have to do, it's not negotiable to daven b'tzibbur, so then regardless of the difficulty, somehow I'll overcome it. But if once or twice or three times, even if each time you tell yourself it's only this once, it's only this once, it weakens, it weakens one's resolve, it weakens one's commitment. So these, these anchors in a person's life, in a person's existence, of tefilla b'tzibbur, of kvi'at itim laTorah, of by what time you leave on Friday, erev Shabbos, to make sure that even if there is an unforeseen traffic jam, which happens every other Friday, that one gets home on time. So if these are absolutes, so then they'll remain. But the very minute, the very minute I talked myself into one exception, so then the second exception becomes even easier to make, and the third one even easier, and by the fourth time it's nas'as lo k'heter. So certainly one important component in the dream, in the blueprint for how am I going to maintain not only a yerida but continue to have an aliya is to have these absolute non-negotiable commitments and specifically with regard to tefilla b'tzibbur and kvi'at itim laTorah. And one way of sort of combining, of blending again the reflective approach to why am I here, what are my goals here in the law firm, and again with this kvi'at itim, is it would be a wonderful thing, you arrive in the office, so sit down for the first five minutes with a Mesillas Yesharim. And then take it out again at lunch with a Mishnayos, whatever, again. And that way you combine the two and one has again this anchor and one lives reflectively and הבא לטהר מסייעין לו also.