Gender Separation: A Halachic Perspective

Thank you very much Rabbi Kohn, Rabbi Willig, Rabbi Pozansky, all the Rabbanim, Morai Verabbosai. I'd like to begin, I'm not sure if this is what we're taught in speech 101 in terms of how to begin a presentation. I'd like to begin without any hagdomos just to review a few sources with which we're all familiar. Mishna in Pirkei Avos:

אל תרבה שיחה עם האישה באשתו אמרו קל וחומר באשת חברו.

A person shouldn't engage in excessive conversation with his own wife, how much more so with someone else's wife. Gemara in Eiruvin nun gimmel. Rabbi Yosi HaGelili hava ka’azil be’orcha. Rabbi Yosi HaGelili was traveling. Ashkena leh Beruriah. He encountered Beruriah, the wife of Rabbi Meir. Ve’amar lah: באיזה דרך נלך ללוד. On which path should we take to travel to Lud? Amar lah, she said to him, Gelili shoteh, you shoteh Rabbi Yosi HaGelili. לא כך אמרו חכמים אל תרבה שיחה עם האישה. Don't the chachamim teach us that one should not engage in excessive conversation with women? היה לך לומר איזה דרך ללוד. You could have omitted one word. You could have said: eizeh derech le-Lud. You didn't have to say neilech. You could have abbreviated the exchange by a single word. The Gemara in Sukkah, again all well-known mekoros, commenting on the Mishna describing Simchas Beis HaShoeivah, the first night of Chol HaMoed, which in Eretz Yisrael of course is the second night of Sukkos. So the Mishna says that on מוצאי יום טוב אחרון, the second night of Sukkos, they would go down to the Ezras Nashim ומתקנין שם תיקון גדול and they would make a very important modification, a very important precautionary measure would be taken. Mai tikun gadol? What was that? אמר אלעזר כאותה ששנינו. Chalakah haysa barishonah. Originally the Ezras Nashim, the chamber which was designated as the Ezras Nashim within the Beis HaMikdash, Chalakah haysa. It was smooth. Vehikifuha gizuxtra and then they surrounded it with a balcony. Vehiskinu and they instituted that for the gathering for Simchas Beis HaShoeivah שיהיו נשים יושבות מלמעלה that the women should sit up on the balcony veanashim milamata and the men should be downstairs. Now the Gemara proceeds to quote a Tosefta which sort of amplifies and elaborates what happened and why it happened. תנו רבנן בראשונה היו נשים מבפנים ואנשים מבחוץ. Originally when they had this Simchas Beis HaShoeivah celebration, the women were inside in the Ezras Nashim in the Mikdash and the men were outside on the Har HaBayis. והיו באין לידי קלות ראש. And it resulted in frivolity, in lightheadedness. Apparently there was some kind of mingling going on. Hiskinu, so the first attempt Chazal made to rectify the situation: שיהיו נשים יושבות מבחוץ ואנשים מבפנים. They tried reversing it. ועדיין היו באין לידי קלות ראש. At that point התקינו שיהיו נשים יושבות מלמעלה ואנשים מלמטה. And at that point they introduced that they should construct a balcony and the women should sit in the balcony and the men sat on the ground level. Says the Gemara: veheichi avid hachi? How can you modify the structure of the Beis HaMikdash? Doesn't the pasuk say: הכל בכתב מיד ה' עלי השכיל. That in the Beis HaMikdash there has to be, it wasn't given to any architectural design that you wanted. Everything had to be with a tradition, everything had to be with a kabbalah exactly how everything in the Beis HaMikdash should be constructed. So Amar Rav: אמר רב קרא אשכחו ודרוש. They found a pasuk and they darshened the pasuk. Vesafdah ha'aretz. The pasuk is describing in the time of Milchemes Gog uMagog that there's going to be a funeral. The Gemara continues according to one opinion it's the funeral of Moshiach. Mashiach Ben Yosef.

וספדה הארץ משפחות משפחות לבד משפחת בית דוד לבד ונשיהם לבד

that when they gather for the eulogy, so the men and the women would be separate. Amru, so the Chachamim, Chazal of that generation reasoned as follows:

והלא דברים קל וחומר. ומה לעתיד לבוא שעוסקין בהספד ואין יצר הרע שולט בהם,

l'asid lavo in the time of the Milchemah, the war of Gog U'Magog, a time of Levayah, a time of a funeral is a person not in a frame of mind when he's especially susceptible to being drawn into frivolous behavior, into lightheadedness? And what's more, at that time the Gemara tells us that the Yetzer Hara will be, will be killed, that the Yetzer Hara will no longer be an internal Yetzer Hara the way we have it now, it won't be nearly as strong a Yetzer Hara as we experience now. So even then, even then when they'll be Oskin Behesped, they'll be involved, they'll be preoccupied with something which is not in the least bit conducive to Kalus Rosh, and they won't be governed, they won't be, they won't be subject to such a strong Yetzer Hara that we have nowadays, ואין יצר הרע שולט בהם, nevertheless אמרה תורה אנשים לבד ונשים לבד, nevertheless the Torah says as a precaution the men and the women shouldn't be mingling, but they should be separate. Achshav She'oskin B'simcha, now in a time of Simchas Beis HaShoeiva, when it's a time of rejoicing and if anything we are especially susceptible to Kalus Rosh, to frivolity at such a time, ויצר הרע שולט בהם, and the Yetzer Hara is in full force nowadays, על אחת כמה וכמה that such separation is necessary. What were Chazal so concerned about? These Marei Mekomos to the modern mind, to the modern mindset, seem very extreme, very radical. What were Chazal concerned about? So Chazal had several concerns. The Gemara in Nedarim amplifies the Mishnah about Ribbui Sicha, the Gemara in Nedarim Daf Chof, אל תרבה שיחה עם האשה שסופה לבוא לידי ניאוף. It can result in promiscuity, it can result in actual adultery, Rachmana Litzlan. Chazal comment elsewhere, the Rambam summarizes these at the end of Hilchos Issurei Biah, that Chazal say that

אין לך דבר בכל התורה כולה שהוא קשה לרוב העם אלא לפרוש מן העריות והביאות האסורות.

The single most difficult Mitzvah to observe, the most challenging Mitzvah is for a person to comply with the restrictions in terms of Arayos, in terms of forbidden marriages, Bi'os Asuros, illicit relationships, that is the single most challenging set of Halachos in the Torah. Moreover, Amru Chachamim, again the Rambam quoting Ma'amarei Chazal at the end of Hilchos Issurei Biah, Gezel Ve'arayos, theft, the desire for money, Ve'arayos, and illicit relationships, נפשו של אדם מתאוה להן ומחמדתן. A person desires these things, a person covets these things. And then a very terrifying historical characterization:

ואין אתה מוצא קהל בכל זמן וזמן שאין בהן פרוצין בעריות ובביאות אסורות.

There is no community at any time, at any time has there ever been a community where this hasn't been a problem, where Arayos and where illicit relationships where that hasn't been a problem, there is no such community, there hasn't been such a community. And finally, before we try to digest a little bit and gain a little perspective, again another Mishnah in Pirkei Avos with which we're all familiar, in Perek Gimmel of Pirkei Avos, שחוק וקלות ראש מרגילין לערוה. Again, frivolity, lightheadedness, induce Arayos. What's all this about? Where's it coming from? So we need to understand what Chazal's approach to Kedusha is. In a word, Chazal's approach to Kedusha is is very realistic. Sometimes we mistakenly think that if a person is is is really a kadosh, so it means that things to do with the yetzer hara, under the various urges and drives that we all have, so that should come in beneath the radar screen. It shouldn't be mentioned, it shouldn't be discussed, it shouldn't be taken into account because if a person is going to be a kadosh, he has to be above all that. Chazal take the opposite approach. The approach of Chazal is that on the contrary, we have to be very very realistic. Hakadosh Baruch Hu created us with a yetzer hara, He created us with a yetzer hara that's very strong. And the path to kedushah is not to ignore that yetzer hara, not to say that that isn't an appropriate topic on on which something on which we should focus, but on the contrary, we are supposed to focus on it and we're supposed to take precautions, and it's only through taking precautions and by being very realistic about the yetzer hara and about how strong those drives and those urges are that a person can ever attain genuine kedushah. The Rav zichrono livracha was fond of commenting that Sefer Kedushah of the 14 sefarim in in in the Yad Hachazakah in the Rambam, so consists of Hilchos, Hilchos Bi'os Assuros and Ma'acholos Assuros. That a person has to again, realistically, a person has to discipline himself in those two areas. Again, the urge, the taivah that we have for food and and for pleasure in in that realm, as well as in the realm of Bi'os Assuros, in the realm of illicit relationships. And it's only through again a realistic approach in these areas that we can attain kedushah, which is why in the Halacha there's no there's no ideal of celibacy. On the contrary, it's a din that a person is not supposed to be unmarried. The Rama says and the din is equally true for men and women. It's not a function of of the mitzvah of piryah verivyah, of procreation, but it's again, it's a mitzvah that for a person to live a genuine life of kedushah, so a person has to be realistic about the basic human drives and urges which Hakadosh Baruch Hu implanted within our personalities. But perhaps, perhaps a person will say, but I know myself, I know myself, and the these these concerns don't don't relate to me. So Chazal anticipated that and Chazal say, again in Pirkei Avos, אל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך, that a person is not supposed to have that kind of complacent self-confidence. A person has to constantly be on guard, constantly be on guard. The Sefer Hachinuch in in particular addresses this, the Sefer Hachinuch in Parshas Acharei Mos on the mitzvah of לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה, the mitzvah which the Rambam and the Chinuch following the Rambam reckon as as a d'Oraisa that not only is giluy arayos itself prohibited by the Torah, but anything which can lead and result in giluy arayos is also forbidden mid'Oraisa. This is a type of siyag d'Oraisa. The Torah itself takes the precaution. Here the Torah didn't leave it to Chazal to introduce the siyag, but the the Torah itself introduces the siyag. So the Sefer Hachinuch lists many of the the dinim, many of the harchakos, many of the precautionary measures which the Torah itself institutes, and we'll review a couple of them soon im yirtzeh Hashem. And then he says, umikol makom, nevertheless, lefi hadomeh,

מכל מה שהזהירו זכרונם לברכה אין אדם רשאי לזוז ממוסרם הטוב.

A person has no right to stray from the from the guidance and the discipline which Chazal imposed upon us. ואף על פי שהוא מוצא עצמו חשוך התאוה קצת, let's say people people vary and he and he sees in himself that he doesn't have such strong urges, he doesn't have such strong drives, and he doesn't think that these all these harchakos, whether it's ribuy sichah or whether it's the mingling of the genders, he doesn't think that these are necessary for him.

לא יאמר כיון שאני מוצא עצמי כן מה אכפת לי אם אסתכל בנשים,

since I don't find myself especially with an especially strong drive or urge, so what's what's so terrible, what difference does it make to me if I will allow myself to. to look, to gaze upon women? כי יודע אני בעצמי שלא יתעורר יצרי בכך. I'm not going to become aroused as a result of doing that. Says the Sefer HaChinuch שרבים אמרו כן ונכשלו. Many people have reasoned that way and they have stumbled. ועל זה רמזו זכרונם לברכה, and this is what Chazal referred to, it's a Gemara in Sukkah, באומרם כי היצר בתחילה חלש מאוד, that the yetzer hara perhaps initially sometimes is deceptively weak, והולך ומתחזק על האדם הרבה, but it gains momentum, it gains strength. Ve'atah beni, again the Sefer HaChinuch wrote the Sefer for his son, so he often shifts to the second person and addresses him directly, הזהר על זה מאוד, be very careful about this, and Ve'al yavtiachcha yitzrecha, and don't take, don't accept any false guarantees from your yetzer hara.

וזה שאתה מוצא קצת מעשים בגמרא מראים סותרים דברים אלו,

ay, but we are familiar with one or two incidents recorded in the Gemara where the Amoraim themselves did reason like this, the Amoraim themselves said, but we're not susceptible to this yetzer hara, so we can afford to do things which other people don't. For instance, the Gemara in Berachos tells us that Rabbi Yochanan הוה יתיב אשערי טבילה, that Rabbi Yochanan used to sit outside the gates of the mikvah, כדי שיסתכלו בו הנשים, that Rabbi Yochanan, the Gemara tells us, was exceptionally, exceptionally, strikingly beautiful. So Rabbi Yochanan used to sit outside the mikvah, so when the women would leave, כדי שיסתכלו בו הנשים, that the women would look at him, he wasn't looking at them, but that the women should look at him, וילדו בנים נאים כמותו, and somehow or other that would be a segulah on some mystical level, that would make it more likely that the children they would conceive would be beautiful like him. והוא לא היה מסתכל בהן חלילה. The Gemara tells us another story about how one of the Amoraim would dance at a wedding for simchas chassan v'kallah. Says the Sefer HaChinuch, הם זכרונם לברכה היו כמלאכים. They were almost, they were angelic.

שלא היה עסקם אפילו שעה קלה כי אם בתורה ומצוות.

Their entire existence, their every waking moment, maybe even every sleeping moment, the Chaim Volozhin and others tell us that when the Vilna Gaon was sleeping, he used to say Mishnayos ba'al peh in his sleep. So maybe it's not even limited to every waking moment, maybe it's literally every moment.

שלא היה עסקם אפילו שעה קלה כי אם בתורה ומצוות.

They, 24/7, literally 24/7, they were preoccupied with divrei kedushah. So for them, it was taka possible.

אבל אנחנו עכשיו אין לנו לפרוץ אפילו גדר קטן בעניינים אלו כלל.

But we have no right to breach any of the discipline which Chazal outlined for us. Now the concern for mingling and the concern for issurim which can result is not limited rachmana litzlan to promiscuous behavior, to adultery. There are other issurim also, and these are issurim which are in Shulchan Aruch. First of all, based upon the Gemara in עבודה זרה דף כ, there is an issur histaklus. The issur histaklus, the Gemara speaks of a man gazing upon a woman. The Sefer HaChinuch says it's bilateral, the same thing is true for a woman gazing upon a man, there's no difference between the two. What exactly are the parameters of this issur histaklus of a man gazing upon a woman? So the Mishnah Berurah and then Rav Moshe elaborate it, says that the parameters are as follows: that any part of her body, the Gemara gives the example afillu etzba ketanah, so a man is not allowed to look at a woman for the purpose other than his wife, to look at a woman for the purpose of enjoyment, for deriving enjoyment from looking at a woman. Afillu etzba ketanah, meaning even if it's a part of the body which is generally uncovered, which is allowed to be uncovered. Then Rav Moshe also explains and shows that the issur also includes if it's mekomos mechusim shebah, if it's parts of the body which are supposed to be. Supposed to be covered and they're uncovered, whether it's above the knee, whether it's that the neckline isn't appropriate, that the sleeves are not down to the elbow. Whatever the case may be, so then Reb Moshe says even if a person doesn't have a kavana lehanos, but the re'iya itself is assur. Just seeing the private parts of the body is forbidden even if a person is not looking to derive enjoyment or benefit from it. That's one issur in terms of men and women and again the Sefer Hachinuch says that it's bilateral. That the same way it governs a man vis-a-vis a woman, it applies equally with women vis-a-vis men. Then the same Gemara also tells us that there's an issur to be meharher. There's an issur for a person to trigger or engage in thoughts which relate to or which are conducive to his thinking about intimacy. And again same thing bilateral. A man having sort of triggering thoughts which are conducive to that with regard to a woman and vice versa, a woman with regard to a man. Now this collection of issurim certainly Rabbi Willig is going to address the details in terms of how this translates halacha l'ma'aseh into where separation is absolutely mandated, where separation is recommended, when it's permissible. Rabbi Willig's going to be tackling that, but there has to be an understanding here that it's naive. It's dangerously naive to think that without any conscious effort for separation of the genders to think that we're going to be nichshal in some of these dinim. To think that without again being mindful of this, without making a conscious attempt to have separation, to think that a person is not going to at some point see a woman whom he finds attractive and even if that wasn't his original intent isn't going to look a second longer than he would have otherwise. So the Gemara says it's frightening. The Gemara says לא ינקה אפילו יש בידו תורה ומצוות ומעשים טובים is לא ינקה מדינה של גיהנום. That he's not going to be able to say well I learned Daf Yomi and I gave tzedakah. So Ribbono Shel Olam says yes, so for that es kumt eschar, but for this that's a bill that also has to be paid. The Sefer Hachinuch concludes after he mentions issur histaklus and the like. He says kelala shel davar אבל כלל הדבר הוא the general principle is

שלא יעשה האדם שום דבר בעולם המביאו לידי הרהור בנשים.

A person shouldn't do anything which is liable to trigger again thoughts of non-platonic thoughts. לא במעשה ולא בדיבור he shouldn't there shouldn't be any action, no speech, v'lo shum remez even any kind of indication to stimulate such thoughts. But the truth is that when Chazal say that the mingling of the genders caused kalus rosh, they weren't only concerned with what kalus rosh could lead to. They weren't only concerned with the worst case scenario of kalus rosh resulting in ni'uf in adultery rachmana litzlan, and they weren't only concerned with the issur histaklus with the mingling leading to again improper gazing men upon women, women upon men. But kalus rosh in and of itself is a problem. Kalus rosh in and of itself is a problem. And again here too we need to step back for a moment and try to understand the role of kedusha within our lives. I think our immediate association when we heard the word Kedusha is that Kedusha represents something which is Lifnim Mishuras Hadin. That for a person to be Kadosh, a Nazir is Kadosh, קדוש יהיה גדל פרע שער ראשו, it means someone who's going beyond what's required, who's going Lifnim Mishuras Hadin and that person is attaining Kedusha. And we, so we're supposed to be Shomer Torah U'Mitzvos. We're supposed to be observant. And with regard to some areas that is true because Kedusha is אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור. There is no cap, there is no ceiling on Kedusha. And that's not an incorrect association, but it is incomplete. And here I just want to read you a couple lines from the Ramban. They're absolutely remarkable lines in the Ramban. Many years ago, my father Zichrono L'vracha showed me this passage in the Ramban. It's from last week, not Ki Savo but Ki Seitzei. Ramban is talking about the Ben Sorer U'Moreh, the Ben Sorer U'Moreh who because he's Zolel V'sovei, because he gluttonously is consuming meat and drinking wine and disobeying his parents is given Misas Beis Din. Whether this is hypothetical or real, again the Gemara discusses. Either way it's a Parsha in the Torah. So the Ramban says if you're punishing someone he has to have been Over an Issur. So what Issur was the Ben Sorer U'Moreh guilty of? Exactly what? When he's brought to Beis Din and Beis Din tells him what he's getting Misa for, what is he getting Misa for? Says the Ramban, הנה יש עליו שני עונשים. He's liable for punishment for two reasons. האחד שהוא מקלה אביו ואמו וממרה בהם. First of all because he's Mezalzel in his parents because the parents Vayisru Oso, the parents try to discipline him, the parents try to warn him V'lo Yishma Aleihem and he has total contemptuous disregard for them. So that's one thing for which he's liable, one thing for which he's culpable. Now listen to this, Rabosai. V'hasheini, and second of all, Shehu Zolel V'sova. He's been eating and drinking gluttonously. Okay, so what Issur does that violate? עובר על מה שנצטוינו קדושים תהיו. He's guilty, he's guilty that his life is bereft of Kedusha. The Ben Sorer U'Moreh is Chayav Misa the Ramban says because for one of two reasons and one of those two reasons is that he's עובר על קדושים תהיו. And then the Ramban continues V'ne'emar Od and the Torah also mandates V'avadto. A person is supposed to serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu U'vo Sidbakun and a person is supposed to strive to cling to Hakadosh Baruch Hu שנצטוינו לדעת השם בכל דרכינו. That everything we do is supposed to be geared towards knowing Hashem וזולל וסובא לא ידע דרך השם. And a person who lives gluttonously he is going to be incapable of ever knowing Derech Hashem. Just parenthetically, I think that future tense, I think that's the way it's supposed to be vocalized in the Ramban. The Ramban compresses a beautiful idea which Rav Aharon Kotler Zichrono L'vracha says. Many of the people raised the question that Chazal tell us that the Ben Sorer U'Moreh is נידון על שם סופו. That he hasn't really done anything yet which really warrants the death penalty, but the Torah wants to preempt even worse crimes. So many ask, but by Yishmael, so the Gemara Darshens כי שמע אלוקים אל קול הנער באשר הוא שם. That the Malachim said, the Malachim said, it's going to be in תשס"ו and תשס"ה. So his descendants are going to make life miserable for your children Hakadosh Baruch Hu and they're going to commit all kinds of atrocities. So why don't you let him die now so that that line won't issue forth from him? So Hakadosh Baruch Hu answers no, because the way the Midas Hadin functions is Ba'asher Hu Sham, שאין אדם נידון אלא לפי מעשיו באותה שעה. That Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't factor in what he knows about the future. Hakadosh Baruch Hu judges us by where we are at that stage. So how does that reconcile with the Ben Sorer U'Moreh who's נידון על שם סופו? So I think Rav Aharon Kotler says that The Ben Sorer Umorer the reason he's punished as he is is because right now ba'asher hu sham, he has already guaranteed what his, what will, what will result. And that's what the Ramban says, zoleil v'sovei, it's not just that לא ידע דרך ה', but לא ידע דרך ה'. The lifestyle that he lives, so he's deaf, he's deaf to any divrei mussar, to any words of guidance or instruction, he's deaf to that. So it means that ba'asher hu sham he's locked into such a lifestyle. So that's not a violation of the ba'asher hu sham. Coming back to our topic, so when Chazal say that at Simchas Beis Hashoeiva there was a need to separate the genders is because there was kalus rosh. The kalus rosh is not only problematic because of what it leads to, it's deeply and profoundly problematic for that reason as well, but in and of itself is a problem. This type of kalus rosh and the kalus rosh of flirtatious behavior, frivolous flirtatious behavior, is antithetical to kedusha. And that type of kedusha is not the kedusha which should be classified with the kedusha of the nazir, which is something optional of קדוש יהיה גדל פרע שער ראשו, that's the type of kedusha which the Ramban says is the very lifeblood of a Jew's existence, without which a Jew can't exist. Now clearly, this type of approach of, again, the details to follow, of gender separation, clearly leaves us very much out of step with society and, truth be told, often with our own communities. How does that, how should that be factored into the equation? So the very first seif in Shulchan Aruch, the very first siman, the very first seif, the Rema concludes his hagaha, the Rema says that a person לא יבוש מפני בני אדם המלעיגים עליו בעבודת ה'. A person is never supposed to be deterred, a person is never supposed to be embarrassed, if a person's doing what's right, what's necessary, what's required me'ikar hadin. The fact that other people may scoff and the fact that other people may say that that's crazy, that that's old-fashioned, that that's this, lo yeivosh. A person is not supposed to be deterred by that type of criticism. Mesillas Yesharim also addresses this at the end of perek hei in Mesillas Yesharim.

כי אם יאמר לך אדם לעולם תהא דעתו של אדם מעורבת עם הבריות,

after all, doesn't a person have to be integrated into society? So how can a person adopt certain approaches, certain attitudes, certain strictures and guidelines which are going to, which will interfere with that being me'urev im habriyos, that integration? Ein lo leadam, so says the Mesillas, well I won't censor him, he has some rather harsh things to say, but

אף אתה אמור לו במה דברים אמורים בבני אדם שעושים מעשה אדם.

He says provided that people are acting properly. He says then

לעולם תהא דעתו של אדם מעורבת עם הבריות. אך לא בבני אדם שעושה מעשה בהמה.

But he says but if, if their conduct is just unacceptable, it's just unacceptable, so then there is no, there is no value of לעולם תהא דעתו של אדם מעורבת עם הבריות. I'm skipping a couple of lines, אין לו לאדם אלא לטהר ולנקות עצמו ולמנוע רגליו. A person has to purify himself, cleanse himself and prevent himself from going along the path of those who are sheku'im behavlei hazman, who are drowning in the futilities of our time. וישיב רגליו אל חצרות ה' ואל משכנותיו. Then the Mesillas Yesharim says, yachshov beda'ato, but let's say people are going to, they're going to scoff at him, they're going to laugh at him, yachshov beda'ato. And he knows, he knows that this can succeed. People are going to laugh at him. He's not going to be deterred. He knows, he knows that the pot of gold is waiting for him at the end, so he doesn't care. He's not going to be deterred by the fact that people are scoffing at him. כל שכן שלא ירצה לאבד נשמתו מפני לעג. If a person is not going to be deterred from financial success because people are mocking him, people are scoffing at him, so kol shekein על אחת כמה וכמה that he shouldn't be deterred, that he shouldn't sacrifice his neshama, his soul, because people are going to scoff at him. Chodesh Elul is a time not only for fine-tuning, not only a time for minor adjustments. Chodesh Elul is a time for a person to reorient himself, to recreate himself. Chodesh Elul ushers in a period of forty days culminating with Yom HaKippurim. What does the number forty represent in the Torah? So Chazal tell us that yetziras havlad requires forty days. That the formation of the fetus requires forty days. Let's say the Gemara says, for instance, if rachmana litzlan a woman will miscarry before forty days from conception, so then for purposes of tumas leida we say that it was maya be'alma. We don't treat it in that context, just in context of tumas leida the Gemara is talking about, we don't treat it as a fully formed fetus, we treat it as maya be'alma. So the number forty represents yetzira. It represents creation. Chodesh Elul ushers in a period of forty days because teshuva is not only about fine-tuning or making minor adjustments in one or two areas, it's about recreating oneself, reorienting oneself, even when that involves major, major changes and shifts. And finally, I'd just like to conclude with one final point. And that is this notion of which Chazal clearly, clearly advocate of gender separation, which they advocate so there shouldn't be kalus rosh because in and of itself it's antithetical to kedusha, because the mingling without careful, careful thought and without being on guard against it inevitably leads to other issurim, be it the issur histaklus of gazing, the issur hirhurim of improper thought, rachmana litzlan even more serious, even more serious issurim. None of that should be confused with a lack of ahavas Yisrael. The mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael, certainly there's no gender separation there. No gender separation there. A man's mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael encompasses women, a woman's mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael encompasses men. I'd like to tell you a story which I think illustrates it very beautifully. A story I heard from Rabbi Chalab. I hope I get it right. This is the wrong place to misquote a story from Rabbi Chalab, so I hope I get it right. The story is about his mother-in-law who came from Brisk. Her husband preceded her here to these shores and as happened so often they were suffered from terrible, dire poverty in Europe. He came here and he saved enough money to send her a ticket. And she wasn't going to go to the treifa medina. She was a very pious woman and she was refusing to go. So finally they prevailed upon her that she should go ask Reb Chaim. She lived in Brisk. So she went into Reb Chaim and Reb Chaim was sitting in a chair, but Reb Chaim was sitting in the chair with his back to her. So if she's standing there, Reb Chaim was sitting in the chair with his back to her. He didn't look at her. And she tells him what the standoff is between herself and her husband. And Reb Chaim answered her, obviously in Yiddish, Reb Chaim says to her, go my child and your children will remain frum. Your children will remain frum. So Reb Chaim sat with his back to her, he didn't even look at her, and he answered with such love. Go my child and and with the ברכה. So what what we're טאקע talking about in terms of gender separation, we're not talking about any lack of אהבת ישראל. We're just talking about it it's manifest in in different ways. When when my brother makes a שמחה, so I go and at the שמחה I give him a hug. When my sister makes a שמחה, I go and I don't give her a hug. It's the same participation, the same feeling, but things have to be manifest differently. And that's what חז"ל are advocating here in in terms of the the gender separation.