Life is a Series of Moments – Mesilas Yesharim perek 3

Ramchal begins perek gimmel הנה הרוצה לפקח על עצמו. Similarly, the Rambam begins פרק ה הלכות תשובה devoted to the idea, the capacity of bechirah chofshis:

רשות כל אדם נתונה לו אם רצה להטות עצמו לדרך טובה ולהיות צדיק הרשות בידו ואם רצה להטות עצמו לדרך רעה ולהיות רשע הרשות בידו.

A person can to a degree know, and even mitzad hasechel can cognitively decide on a certain course of action, a certain initiative, a certain derech hachayim. But if that knowledge, if that intellectual decision isn't accompanied by, isn't energized by a ratzon penimi, he's not going to succeed. If a person, again to a degree, knows and takes a decision but intellectually, without that ratzon penimi, so he'll approach it as to be yotzei. Kol zman a person approaches it with that mindset, with that state of being, it's too easy and almost inevitable it'll be moreh heter le'atzmo. The very next line that we spoke about, I think, last week,

שיבונן מה הוא הטוב האמיתי שיבחר בו האדם והרע האמיתי שינוס ממנו

that the Ramchal emphasizes that not everything that appears tov without hisbonenus, not everything that appears tov superficially with a quick glance is genuinely tov, and on the other hand, not everything that appears to be ra superficially at first glance is genuinely ra. If a person is being mifakeach al atzmo, okay, I recognize that it's necessary, I recognize that it's an obligation, okay, so I'm going to do it, I have to patter up. He's not going to succeed. Almost inevitably, or drop the almost, inevitably, at some point he's not going to be misbonen, he's not going to delve deeply enough to distinguish between hatov hanira and hatov ha'amiti, hara hanira and hara ha'amiti. Ratzon animates a person, it energizes a person, it intensifies his efforts, each of those effects commensurate to the degree and intensity of the ratzon, and it's ratzon that allows a person to persist and overcome obstacles. Sometimes even after we make a cheshbon hanefesh to know what we should do, it's possible to Abort the thought process to end the thought process prematurely and to try to prematurely implement because at the first stage a person kind of knows to a degree he understands but it doesn't necessarily mean that the roots have that it's penetrated sufficiently to awaken and to arouse a ratzon p'nimi. There are different levels of understanding which generate respectively different levels in degree of ratzon. The fact that I understand something doesn't mean I understand and appreciate its full dimensions. And if I don't understand and appreciate its full dimensions, I'm not likely to have that ratzon p'nimi which is necessary to persist, to overcome obstacles. הרוצה לפקח על עצמו. Ramchal couldn't have begun the perek כדי לפקח על עצמו. The first prerequisite is

הרוצה לפקח על עצמו. אם רוצה להטות עצמו בדרך טובה ולהיות צדיק הרשות בידו.

Ramchal continues a person has to be misbonein what's tov amiti, what's ra amiti, and then a person has to measure his actions against those standards of tov amiti and ra amiti. Habeis, the second self-monitoring, the second area of reflection

על מעשיו אשר הוא עושה לראות אם הם מכלל הטוב או מכלל הרע וזה בשעת מעשה ושלא בשעת מעשה.

This reflection is both when a person is on the threshold of doing something as well as retrospective. Now listen again as we always should try to do but very carefully to every word in Ramchal.

בשעת מעשה שלא יעשה שום מעשה מבלי שישקול אותו במאזני זאת הידיעה.

What's the self-monitoring bishas ma'aseh? Says Ramchal, שלא יעשה שום מעשה. Not a single action should be undertaken thoughtlessly without the self-awareness engendered by self-monitoring, שלא יעשה שום מעשה. Are we reading too much into that word? So a little bit further into the perek after having developed this idea somewhat, Ramchal writes

כלל הדבר יהיה אדם מעיין על מעשיו כולם ומפקח על כל דרכיו.

To summarize the overarching principle,

כלל הדבר יהיה אדם מעיין על מעשיו כולם ומפקח על כל דרכיו.

Often and in certain contexts this is correct and you find it in halacha in certain contexts, so we look at the big picture, we look at things on the whole. Ramchal says in the context of zehirus though that's not the approach, that's not supposed to be the perspective. In the context of zehirus שלא יעשה שום מעשה מבלי שישקול, not a single action should a person undertake without weighing its appropriateness.

כלל הדבר יהיה אדם מעיין על מעשיו כולם ומפקח על כל דרכיו.

What, what's the pshat? However, however many years the Ribbono Shel Olam blesses a person with in this world, however, however long that lifespan is, but lemaiseh life just consists of a series of individual moments. ימי שנותינו בהם שבעים שנה ואם בגבורות שמונים שנה. A person doesn't live 70 years, he doesn't live 80 years, a person lives moments, a person lives in the present which is k'heref ayin. Mimeila, if a person wants to live the right way, if a person wants to live a good life, so it can't be that his goal is on the whole, that my 70 years, my 80 years on the whole should be good. No, there's no such thing, a person doesn't live 70 years. If you count up the moments a person lived, so then you can, you can say how old he was. But life is just a series of moments, right? You can't live the past, you can't live the future, you can't live the past, you can't live the future, you live the present. The present is a moment. We speak, but it's deceptive. We speak about I spent a year here, I spent two years there, but a person doesn't live a year at a time, he lives a moment at a time. That's all you can do, you can't live more than a moment at a time. In retrospect, you can do the math and you can add up and you can tally up those moments. So if I want to live a good year, a good month, a good day, a good hour, a good minute, it's just living moment after moment. Mimeila

שלא יעשה שום מעשה מבלי שישקול יהיה אדם מעיין על מעשיו כולם ומפקח על כל דרכיו.

Nefesh Hachaim has a similar emphasis.

אמנם יבין וידע ויקבע במחשבת לבו שכל פרטי מעשיו ודבוריו ומחשבותיו כל עת ורגע לא אבד חס ושלום.

Every nuance of what a person does, speaks, thinks, every moment, nothing is just sort of, nothing is lost, nothing is without imprint, without impact.

ומה רבו מעשיו ומאוד גדלו ורמו שכל אחת עולה כפי שורשה לפעול פעולתה בגבהי מרומים.

And b'emes, as Ramchal will discuss later, Hakadosh Baruch Hu clearly evaluates a person's life that way.

מגיד לאדם מה שיחו אפילו שיחה קלה שבין אדם לאשתו.

The evaluation is not just on the whole because a person doesn't live life on the whole. A person lives moments. And the bracha of life is also supposed to be seen that way. Chazal say

כל הנשמה תהלל קה על כל נשימה ונשימה. מגיד ליה בפומא דידן.

A person has to thank Hakadosh Baruch Hu for every day, and avada it's true, but it's an understatement. על כל נשימה ונשימה. Life is moments. It has to be appreciated, the bracha, על כל נשימה ונשימה תהלל קה. It's the way a person should assess and evaluate and plan. And ultimately, it's the way Hakadosh Baruch Hu reviews it as well. Now the emes is that on the one hand, this profound illuminating perspective of Ramchal is very demanding, sets the bar very high. But me'idach gisa simultaneously, and it has to be this way, זה לעומת זה עשה אלוקים. It also facilitates and empowers. If a person thinks of and makes the mistake of thinking to experience life in mega units, so then I wake up in the morning, I have to tell myself all day long not a word of lashon hara. All day long whenever I need to relax, rest, I'll relax, rest, but beyond that, there shouldn't be any bitul. All day long? But the flip side of what Ramchal tells us, שלא יעשה שום מעשה. The flip side of recognizing that life is just a series of moments is that all you have to worry about right now is that moment. When you come into the beis medrash, you don't have to worry about how I'm going to learn consecutively from 9 to 12:30. At 9:00, you have to worry about how you're learning at 9:00. It'll be 9:00 and one second. Okay, now is time to worry how I'm going to learn right now, how I'm going to continue. I don't know, you open the siddur and you wonder why the Anshei Knesses Hagdola bothered with the whole 19 brachos shmoneh esrei, why not habineinu? So ein hachi nami, a person thinks of trying to maintain, sustain kavana for 19 brachos, you're ready to close the siddur. Just have kavana for baruch, that's all. You don't have to have kavana beyond baruch. Just have kavana for ata, just have kavana for Hashem. Tikkun amidos, the person that you're interacting with this moment, just this moment, all I have to do is figure out how this moment to interact as sensitively and respectfully as possible. The hashkafa that Ramchal presents is as empowering, as facilitating as it is demanding.