Pre-Selichos 5780

Rabbeinu Yona begins his Sha'arei Teshuvah as follows: מהטובות שהטיב השם יתברך עם ברויו amongst the kindnesses that Hakadosh Baruch Hu bestowed upon us, כי הכין להם הדרך he prepared for us the path לעלות מתוך פחת מעשיהם ולנוס מפח פשעיהם that we can elevate ourselves from the pit of sin and we can extricate ourselves from the trap of transgression. Lachshoch nafsham mishachas to save their soul from destruction, Rachmana litzlan, u'lehashiv me'aleihem apo and to push aside Hakadosh Baruch Hu's wrath. ולמדם והזהירם לשוב אליו Hakadosh Baruch Hu taught us, Hakadosh Baruch Hu commanded us to repent, to return to him ki yechete'u lo when we sin to him. Skipping a few lines, Rabbeinu Yona adds the following crucial perspective, crucial dimension: V'hisba'er the Torah explains כי התשובה מקובלת גם כי ישוב החוטא מרוב צרותיו. Even if the impetus for teshuvah is the experience of overwhelming tzaros, in desperation because a person is overcome and overwhelmed, he does teshuvah, so even then Ribono Shel Olam accepts that teshuvah.

כל שכן אם ישוב מיראת השם ואהבתו שנאמר בצר לך ומצאוך כל הדברים האלה באחרית הימים ושבת עד השם אלוקיך ושמעת בקולו.

It's interesting, there's a subtle but very important point here. I think if we were writing these lines, I think we would have a) presented teshuvah as this remarkable chesed from Ribono Shel Olam, as the Yerushalmi in Makkot famously, oft-quoted, famously says that middas hadin doesn't know of teshuvah. According to the middas hadin, הנפש החוטאת היא תמות, teshuvah's a gevaldige chesed. And then we would have added that there's a חסד על גבי חסד. Not only does Ribono Shel Olam allow for teshuvah, but he even allows for a teshuvah mitoch tzarah, for this less than optimal teshuvah, which isn't motivated by yiras Hashem or ahavas Hashem but just the desperation of being overcome and overwhelmed and overpowered by tzarah, by yisurim. It's a חסד על גבי חסד, a chesed within a chesed. But Rabbeinu Yona doesn't describe it that way. Rabbeinu Yona just clarifies that the chesed of teshuvah includes, doesn't preclude, a teshuvah mitoch tzarah. Based on this he'arah of this depiction of Rabbeinu Yona and maybe this is also intimated in his words or maybe we're going a step beyond, there's another remarkable he'arah which emerges. There are two perspectives. parshios of teshuva in haTorah. In parshas Va'eschanan,

בצר לך ומצאוך כל הדברים האלה באחרית הימים ושבת עד ה' אלהיך ושמעת בקולו.

Again in parshas Nitzavim,

והיה כי יבואו אליך כל הדברים האלה הברכה והקללה אשר נתתי לפניך והשבות אל לבבך בכל הגוים אשר הדיחך ה' אלהיך שמה ושבת עד ה' אלהיך ושמעת בקולו.

Twice the Torah describes, depicts teshuvah, and both times it's this less than optimal teshuvah, this teshuva mi-toch tzarah, batzar lach, this teshuvah

כי יבואו אליך כל הדברים האלה הברכה והקללה מחרי האף הגדול הזה.

And this is, this is the extent of the Torah's explicit depiction of teshuvah. So what are we to make of that? That this less than optimal teshuvah is what the Torah is emphasizing, is what the Torah is depicting front and center. Teshuvah and cheit are diametric opposites. As such, an insight into teshuvah yields insight into cheit, and insight into cheit yields insight into teshuvah. So let's review the Torah's depiction of cheit, because if we can understand cheit, so b'ezras Hashem that positions us to understand teshuvah. The nachash entices Chavah, through Chavah Adam, into cheit, and he reassures, in quotation marks, he reassures Chavah, don't worry about eating from the tree, lo mos t'musun.

כי יודע אלהים כי ביום אכלכם ממנו ונפקחו עיניכם והייתם כאלהים

maybe it's kodesh or maybe it's k'Elohim chol, yodei tov va-ra. The nachash, the nachash's appeal to Adam and Chavah tells them, tells them, go along with my plan, go along with my plan for cheit v'yisem according to Onkelos we'll discuss in a minute בלי נדר אם ירצה ה' lashon chol, v'yisem k'Elohim. Onkelos translates, interprets k'Elohim as k'ravrevin. You'll be sovereigns. You'll be leaders, similar to the usage of Elohim b'lashon chol to refer to a dayan, a judge, as in Elohim lo tekalel when it refers to the lav of kilelas dayan. The Ksav v'Hakabalah very beautifully elaborates on this peshat.

והייתם כאלהים כשופט וכמנהיג כפירוש הרמב"ם במורה ללשון אונקלוס שתרגם כרברבין וטעמו כאן מאצמכם תהיו ביכולתכם לשפוט מה הוא טוב ותבחרו בו ומה הוא רע ותמנעו ממנו

Again:

מאצמכם תהיו ביכולתכם לשפוט מה הוא טוב ותבחרו בו ומה הוא רע ותמנעו ממנו.

Skipping a few lines: תהיו בעלי היכולת לבחור מדעתכם את הטוב מבין הרע. V'yisem k'Elohim, you'll be sovereigns, you'll be leaders in the sense that you'll be morally autonomous. You'll decide for yourselves what's good. what's bad, what's permissible, what's prohibited. No one, not even the Ribbono Shel Olam is going to dictate to you. Play along with me, go along with me, so the Nachash. Vihyitem Kelohim. You'll be morally autonomous. Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch on a similar note, but taking it as Kodesh, Vihyitem Kelokim, eat and your eyes will be opened, you will obtain understanding, be able to know for yourselves what is good and what is bad, and with this understanding you will become godlike and independent of God. Rachmana litzlan. So Cheit, and the Cheit of Adam HaRishon, of Chava, is the prototypical Cheit. It defines what Cheit is. Cheit is when a person, Rachmana litzlan, rebels and declares his moral autonomy, his independence from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Obviously, the reality is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the source of all morality, of absolute morality. But Cheit means that I follow my judgment, my inclinations, in terms of what's muttar, what's assur, what's tov, what's ra. Vihyitem Kelohim, sovereign, Vihyitem Kelokim, godlike. That's what the brazenness of Cheit is. Now, of course on a practical level, Cheit more often than not means that a person is succumbing to an urge, a temptation. It means that a person, a character flaw is surfacing. But on a deeper level, willy-nilly, what Cheit bespeaks is a brazen declaration of independence of moral autonomy. Well when the Rambam in פ"א מהלכות עבודה זרה describes Avraham Avinu's search for Hakadosh Baruch Hu and his ultimate discovery of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so the Rambam describes how Avraham Avinu from the time he was weaned as a very, very young boy, he was hischil leshotet bedaito, he's exploring with his mind. Well it was a relentless search, lachshov bayom ubalailah. And the Rambam said and continuously libo meshotet umevin, he's exploring and peeling away layer and layer of error, coming gradually, incrementally closer and closer to the breakthrough,

עד שהשיג דרך האמת והבין קו הצדק מדעתו הנכונה וידע שיש שם אלוה אחד והוא מנהיג הגלגל והוא ברא הכל ואין בכל הנמצא אלוה חוץ ממנו.

Avraham Avinu discovers Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He discovers monotheism. There's one Ribbono Shel Olam. There's a Ribbono Shel Olam who created the world yesh me'ayin, ex nihilo. The Ribbono Shel Olam is unique, but together with that breakthrough, Avraham Avinu also discovers Kav Hatzedek, the path of righteousness. Avraham Avinu also discovers divine morality. The Rambam sheds more light on this further on when he describes how Avraham Avinu transmits to Yitzchak, Yitzchak to Yaakov, and Yaakov Avinu limed banov kulam, Yaakov Avinu then taught and instructed all his sons, and

והבדיל לוי ומינהו ראש. והושיבו בישיבה וללמד דרך השם ולשמור מצוות אברהם.

Avraham Avinu's discovery of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, inextricably, an inextricable part of that discovery of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, is discovery of divine morality. Metzias Hashem, a recognition of, an understanding of, a belief in, a yidiah on Metzias Hashem, is inseparable from an understanding of, a belief in, a yidiah of divine morality. The Ribbono Shel Olam that Avraham Avinu discovered, the Ribbono Shel Olam whom we know, in whom we believe, and who gave us the Torah, is a perfect being. A being whose actions establish norms, moral norms, who's the source of all morality. And thus Rachmana Litzlan when the chotei brazenly declares moral autonomy, but divine morality is intertwined inextricably with Metzias Hashem, so in brazenly the chotei in brazenly declaring and embracing moral autonomy, is also declaring ontic morality, ontic autonomy, an autonomy of being. He acts as though that he lives Rachmana Litzlan independently of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. To review, the cheit of Adam HaRishon is the prototype of all cheit. And what the cheit consists of is v'heyitem k'elohim or k'elokim. That the person acts in being chotei, in transgressing ratzon Hashem, as though he were morally autonomous. To be morally autonomous a person is only would only be entitled to be morally autonomous if he's ontologically autonomous. And that's philosophically what cheit bespeaks, whatever happens on the practical level, but what cheit bespeaks philosophically, is that absurd declaration, arrogation, of autonomy, moral and ontological. Thus it follows that Teshuvah, of course the shov experiences remorse l'she'avar, nichamti. He cultivates, he strengthens his resolve l'haba, ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה. But there's a matrix from which the nechama l'she'avar and the kabbalah l'haba emerge. And that matrix is when a person recognizes that the Ribbono Shel Olam שלם בכל מיני שלמיות, perfect in every way, is absolute, and I and everything and everyone else am nothing. contingent, dependent. A person recognizes that he's entirely chaser onem. On his own, a person is totally helpless. A person doesn't even exist. The fact that we're told to take initiative and work hard and use our God-given abilities, but none of that in any way diminishes or minimizes the reality that we're contingent, we're dependent, ve'anachnu mah. And that's the matrix of teshuva. That's the core and crux of teshuva, is the person, that acknowledgement, that recognition, that self-awareness of how absurd the chet was, because I'm not autonomous, I'm nothing. And that's what drives the charata le'she'avar, the busha, the kabala le'haba. What's the experience of yissur? There's a very, very beautiful story about Reb Dovid'l Talna, which very poignantly captures the point. Reb Dovid'l was known far and wide as a poel yeshuos. People used to come to him and they used to see tremendous yeshuos. One of his brothers, I think it was Reb Yochanan Rachmastrivka, asked him, Bameh kochacha hagadol? I also daven for the people who come to me, the nitzrachim, the aniyim. I also daven for them with all the kavanos and I'm not able to be poel. Bameh kochacha hagadol? How are you able to be poel? So Reb Dovid'l answered as follows. He said, when someone comes to you, a tsebrochener mentch, you embrace him with such warmth and such love and you give divrei chizuk and words of encouragement and words of consolation and you give him such a generous beracha. When they come to me, first of all, they're not allowed in to see me until they wait for weeks. And during those weeks, they sleep on a hard bench in the beis medrash. They're given very meager rations. Finally, after waiting weeks to get in to me, the gabbai tells them that their turn has come. And then the gabbai tells them, but you should know you've got two minutes with the Rebbe and don't you dare overstay your time. He says, after that introduction, he says, they walk into my room and they're tsittering, they're shaking. The first 30 seconds of the two minutes, they're so shaken, they can't even get a word out of their mouth. As soon as they begin talking, the gabbai comes in and says, Mechutzeh, only one more minute. At the end of this brief audience, I say something very cryptic to them. They're not sure, did I give a beracha, didn't I give a beracha? They walk out of my room even more tsebrochen than ever before. And they say, this was supposed to be the address for the yeshua, for all our overwhelming, overpowering tzoros and yissurim. This was supposed to be the address and what? And nothing. And when they walk out of my room, they give a krechtz, a sigh, and they say, Ribbono Shel Olam, we have no one to rely on other than You. Says Reb Dovid'l to his brother, to Reb Yochanan Rachmastrivka, in shamayim they're waiting for that krechtz. Yissurim confront a person with his helplessness. Tzoros, but tzara a person recognizes the ultimate reality of his own helplessness, of his own dependence upon Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the absurdity of his acting as though he were autonomous. So when a person is does teshuva mitoch tzara, mitoch yissurim, is it the optimal teshuva? No. But it captures what the essence of teshuva is. The essence of teshuva is that recognition of complete helplessness, total dependence upon Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who's the absolute, who's the perfect, who's the source of all morality. The Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva in Perek Beis, Halacha Vov, in talking about Aseres Yemei Teshuva:

אף על פי שהתשובה והצעקה יפה לעולם בעשרת הימים שבין ראש השנה ויום הכיפורים היא יפה ביותר ומיד היא מתקבלת שנאמר דרשו השם בהמצאו קראוהו בהיותו קרוב במה דברים אמורים ביחיד אבל בציבור כל זמן שעושים תשובה וצועקים בלב שלם הם נענין שנאמר כהשם אלוקינו בכל קראנו אליו.

The wording of this halacha is very, very strange, very, very intentionally provocative. On the one hand, grammatically, the subject is a compound subject: אף על פי שהתשובה והצעקה יפה לעולם. So the subject consists of two: teshuva and tze’aka. בעשרת הימים שבין ראש השנה ויום הכיפורים hi yafeh biyoser. So even though the subject was plural, was teshuva and tze’aka, the pronoun that the Rambam then uses referring back to those two is the singular. The Rambam should have written בעשרת הימים שבין ראש השנה ויום הכיפורים hein yafos biyoser. No, hi yafeh biyoser. The Rambam shifts from the plural to the singular, and then he continues in the singular: umiyad hi miskabeles. It's clear from the context that what the Rambam seems to have now focused on is the teshuva. The lashon of kabbala in this context, umiyad hi miskabeles, is describing the ikkar the teshuva. Ve'haraya, we know that from looking at the end of the halacha, when the Rambam uses the verb when he talks about the tzibur who is not who has the special access 365 days a year, not just the special ten days of aseres yemei teshuva that the yachid has his special avenue of approach to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The tzibur has it all year long,

אבל בציבור כל זמן שעושים תשובה וצועקים בלב שלם הם נענין.

The Rambam uses the verb aniya, which stresses the tefillah more. But by the yachid on aseres yemei teshuva, the Rambam employs the verb kabbala, miskabeles, emphasizing the teshuva. What's the Rambam conveying with this grammatical shift from the plural to the singular? Let's read a couple of lines from my grandfather zt'l. In Tefillas Shlomo HaMelech, prayer is defined as the response of man to suffering. Quoting the pasuk in translation, "Any prayer, any supplication which will be made by any man or by all your people Israel, who shall know every man the affliction of his own heart, and spread forth his hands towards this house". Tefilla is a response to affliction. The Rav continues, skipping a couple of lines, the whole idea of Tefilla rests upon the premise that Hakadosh Baruch Hu meets man through the latter's encounter, through man's encounter with non-being. So there is here a symbiotic relationship between Teshuva and Tze'aka and Tefilla. The Baal Teshuva recognizes his ontological nothingness. He recognizes Ve'Anachnu Mah. And that automatically translates into reaching out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the source of being. So there is a symbiotic relationship. On the one hand we can talk about Teshuva and Tze'aka as two, on the other hand they are one. Writes the Rambam:

התשובה והצעקה זו יפה לעולם בעשרת ימים שבין ראש השנה ליום הכיפורים היא,

singular, יפה ביותר ומתקבלת היא, lashon yachid, מיד. Let's return for a moment to the Parsha of Teshuva in Nitzavim. The Torah depicts again,

והיה כי יבואו אליך כל הדברים האלה הברכה והקללה אשר נתתי לפניך והשבות אל לבבך בכל הגוים אשר הדיחך ה' אלהיך שמה.

You endure the Klala, you endure, Rachmana Litzlan, the Tochacha, ושבת עד ה' אלהיך ושמעת בקולו. You'll do Teshuva. What does the Torah speak of here? Again, a Teshuva Mitoch Tzara, a Teshuva out of desperation, באו מים עד נפש. And yet, in the Hemshech Hapsukim, the Torah describes how, what's the culmination of this process? The process that begins with כי יבואו אליך כל הדברים האלה הברכה והקללה and continues with ושבת עד ה' אלהיך ושמעת בקולו, what's the culmination?

ומל ה' אלהיך את לבבך ואת לבב זרעך לאהבה את ה' אלהיך בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך למען חייך.

Hakadosh Baruch Hu will remove impediments, and ultimately your Teshuva which began as a Teshuva Mitoch Tzara, a Teshuva out of desperation where a person hits bottom and recognizes his own helplessness, a Teshuva that begins just because the person is so overwhelmed, but being so overwhelmed and overpowered he recognizes the ultimate reality of all of existence, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu

אין לו צורך לשום נמצאים אבל כל הנמצאים צריכים לו.

Even if the Teshuva begins on that level, the Teshuva can be elevated to ultimately a Teshuva Mitoch Yira and a Teshuva Mitoch Ahava. Once a person grasps this ultimate reality of Hakadosh Baruch Hu and himself, a person can elevate it that it's not only out of desperation but it's out of sincere, genuine Bikush for Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Kirvas Elokim, to that perfect being. Whom the person discovered mitoch tzara, so now even without the impetus and the catalyst of the desperation, the person seeks, is doresh Hashem, is mevakesh Hashem, and what begins, a process that begins as a teshuva mitoch tzara can culminate as a teshuva mitoch ahava. The Ribbono Shel Olam should help each and every one of us, we should be ba l'taher, we should be בא לטהר מתוך צרה, and msayin lo so that the process should continue and culminate with a teshuva mitoch ahava, with

ומל ה׳ אלקיך את לבבך ואת לבב זרעך לאהבה את ה׳ אלקיך בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך למען חייך.

We should be zoche to

תכלה שנה וקללותיה תחל שנה וברכותיה, א גוט געזונט געבענטשט יאר

ksiva v'chasima tova.