Preparing for Yom HaKippurim

Yahadut encourages us to have a sense of our own mortality. A Jew is supposed to live with that awareness. A Jew is supposed to live with the awareness that Hayom Katzer, that the day is short. He's supposed to live with the awareness that Olam Hazeh is a Prozdor, that Olam Hazeh is an antechamber. The reason that we're supposed to maintain that awareness is not chas veshalom because the Torah wants to encourage any morbidity. On the contrary,

תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' אלהיך בשמחה ובטוב לבב.

A Jew is supposed to have a tremendous sense of simchas hachayim, a joie de vivre in his avodas Hashem, in his service of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But the reason a person has to have this awareness of his own mortality is משל למה הדבר דומה. If you have someone who's very wealthy, very wealthy, the Forbes top 50, he doesn't really understand what five dollars means. He doesn't understand probably what fifty dollars or five hundred dollars means. He has so much that it's virtually impossible to value something like five dollars, fifty dollars, five hundred dollars. If you have someone who lives on a very limited budget, someone who has to count every penny to make ends meet, so then that person has a sense for the value of every dollar, of every penny. The Torah wants us to have a sense of the value of time, the preciousness of time. If a person has a sense that time is unlimited because he doesn't have a sense of his own mortality, so then a person can't value and can't cherish time. A person can't recognize the preciousness of time. If a person doesn't recognize the preciousness of time, so then he's fated to squander and waste time. So this is certainly true on a regular basis that a Jew lives with a sense of yakrus hazman, the time is valuable, time is precious because time is limited. But this sense of our own, the reality of our own mortality, one which stands in marked contrast to the society in which we live, the society in which we live is one of the pillars of the society is denial of death. Every attempt is made to deny, to distract from the ultimate reality because if life revolves around the pleasures of Olam Hazeh, so then it's a cruel reality that is best denied and best avoided. But Yahadut teaches us otherwise. Now this sense of our own mortality is one of the motifs which permeates the Machzor in Yamim Noraim, what permeates the liturgy of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Perhaps its most classic formulation shortly after Unesaneh Tokef, אדם יסודו מעפר וסופו לעפר, man comes from dust and ends in dust.

משול כחרס הנשבר כחציר יבש וכציץ נובל כצל עובר וכענן כלה וכרוח נושבת וכאבק פורח וכחלום יעוף.

He's like the potsherd that breaks, the grass that withers, the flower that fades, the shadow that passes, the cloud that vanishes, the breeze that blows, the dust that floats, the dream that flies away. The transience of life. And this is certainly one of the motifs of the Machzor. Now, the first explanation that comes to mind is that Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are days of judgment, Yemei HaDin. If a person relates seriously that Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are days of judgment, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is deciding מי יחיה ומי ימות, so inevitably that's going to reinforce within us, it's going to engender within us a heightened sense of our own mortality because מי יחיה ומי ימות, who's going to... to live and who not, כמה יעברון וכמה יבראון is what stares us in the face on Rosh Hashanah and Yom HaKippurim. So it's not at all difficult to understand why we find this theme in the Machzor. But I think if we reflect on it a little bit, there's another dimension, another element of significance as to why this theme informs the liturgy of the Yamim Noraim. And that is that Malchiyos, and here, not only is Rosh Hashanah a day of Malchiyos, but Yom HaKippurim is equally a day of Malchiyos. That's indicated that the middle Bracha of the Shemoneh Esrei on Yom HaKippurim, just like on Rosh Hashanah, also emphasizes HaKadosh Baruch Hu in His capacity as Melech. It's

מלך מוחל וסולח לעונותינו ומעביר אשמותינו בכל שנה ושנה מלך על כל הארץ מקדש ישראל ויום הכפורים.

So the theme of Malchiyos is not in any way limited or restricted to Rosh Hashanah, but the theme of Malchiyos is paramount on Yom HaKippurim as well. Now Malchiyos doesn't only mean a description of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, a one-sided description of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Malchiyos in fact means an understanding, a delineation of our relationship to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, of who we are vis-a-vis HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Now the basis for that is the following: The Ibn Ezra and then subsequently the Vilna Gaon, and I believe the Malbim as well, comment on the Pasuk in Sefer Bereishis after Yosef shares his dream with the brothers about how the bundles of sheaves are bowing down, how their bundles of sheaves are bowing down to his. So the brothers react and they say, המלוך תמלוך עלינו אם משול תמשול בנו? Will you reign over us? Lashon Malchiyos. Hamaloch timloch aleinu? אם משול תמשול בנו? Will you rule over us? So what's the difference between being molech, between reigning, and being moshel and being ruling? So the Ibn Ezra, I think it's the Ibn Ezra who first explains the difference and says that to be moshel means when the ruler imposes the rule. It's something, it's dictatorship. The ruler in a heavy-handed fashion imposes his rule on those, on the subjects and those being governed. To be molech means when the subjects, when they welcome it, when they invite the melech, when they accept the melech willingly, voluntarily, so that's considered, that's melucha. So the Ibn Ezra explains so beautifully that what the brothers are saying to Yosef is this: Even if אם משול תמשול בנו, even if things will ever come to pass that you would succeed in imposing your rule over us, you should know, you should know that Hamaloch timloch aleinu? Do you think it will ever be willing? Do you think that we will ever accept your domination, your sovereignty willingly? That will never happen. Hamaloch timloch aleinu? The He introducing the question. Will you ever rule, reign over us meratzonenu hatov, that we welcome it? Never. Even if אם משול תמשול בנו. So the principle that we extract from that comment of the Ibn Ezra is that the connotation of Malchiyos is that it means that the governed, the subjects welcome the sovereignty of the king. They willingly and voluntarily embrace the kingship of the king. So transposed to the Malchiyos of Rosh Hashanah and Yom HaKippurim, so what we're expressing in Malchiyos is not just who HaKadosh Baruch Hu is in an absolute sense, but rather who we are relative to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, of who HaKadosh Baruch Hu is relative to us. Now thus understood, so then we can understand that the Malchiyos of Rosh Hashanah and Yom HaKippurim doesn't only involve again a depiction or description of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, as it were, but rather the Malchiyos is again a depiction or description of our relationship to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, of who we are vis-a-vis HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And thus, what's the next line? line in the Machzor after the אדם יסודו מעפר וסופו לעפר, that very moving and poignant depiction of our mortality, of the transience of human life, the contrast is presented of ואתה הוא מלך אל חי וקיים. The ba'alei tefillah traditionally, the Adam yesodo me-afar is said in a lower and a softer voice, and then the ba'alei tefillah, they project and say in very loud and powerful tones the ואתה הוא מלך אל חי וקיים, because that's exactly the expression of Malchuyos is this contrast, this depiction of who we are vis-a-vis Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And it's for that reason that that we dwell on our sense of mortality is not only because it stares us in the face as we contemplate מי יחיה ומי ימות, as we contemplate כמה יעברון וכמה יבראון, but the sense of mortality stares us in the face also because it's part of depicting who we are vis-a-vis Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Who is Hakadosh Baruch Hu who rules over us? Hakadosh Baruch Hu is מלך אל חי וקיים and who are we? Mashal ke-cheres hanishbar etc. The same theme emerges also in the piyut which we say a little bit earlier, the piyut where the refrain is לעדי עד ימלוך מלך עליון. So the לעדי עד ימלוך מלך עליון, just to maybe read the first stanza or two, אל דר במרום אדיר במרום אמץ ידו לרום, Hakadosh Baruch Hu who dwells on high, mighty on high, his the strength of his hand will reign supreme. גבור להקים גוזר ומקיים גולה עמוקים, Hakadosh Baruch Hu who's a gibor, who's mighty to maintain, to fulfill everything he says, gozer u-mekayem, he decrees and he fulfills, לעדי עד ימלוך מלך עליון. So the whole thing is a depiction again of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's majesty. And then what do we then interpolate at the end, and at this point the Aron Kodesh is closed, it's been open throughout the entire לעדי עד ימלוך מלך עליון, so then we interpolate two stanzas of melech evyon. Again the contrast, because Malchuyos isn't only who Hakadosh Baruch Hu is, Malchuyos is our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So we interpolate these two stanzas of

מלך אביון בלה ורד שחת בשאול ובשחת בלאות בלי נחת עד מתי ימלוך.

Again, a depiction of the transience and mortality of mortal king. Decays and descends to the grave, weary and restless. The same idea that the Malchuyos of Hakadosh Baruch Hu means that we have to have a self-awareness to be able to correctly depict and express the Malchuyos, because Malchuyos is a description of our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. In the conclusion of the middle bracha of the Shemoneh Esrei, when we ask for the universal recognition of Malchuyos, so the way we express it is

וידע כל פעול כי אתה פעלתו ויבין כל יצור כי אתה יצרתו.

Again the same emphasis that we should all have a sense of creatureliness, we should all have a sense of having been created by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Veyeda kol pa-ul, everything which has been made, which has been created, should know ki atah fe'alto, because you Hakadosh Baruch Hu, because that's part of the Malchuyos, not just to know who you are but to know who we are relative to you Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And it's for that reason again that this self-awareness that a Jew has year-round is accentuated in the Machzor of the Yamim Noraim. It's interesting, it's interesting that the Rambam when he depicts Teshuvah, so the Rambam defines Teshuvah as remembering Hakadosh Baruch Hu, because cheit, the Rambam implies... implies, the only reason a person is chotei, if a person knows what's right and what's wrong, so how is it possible that a person ever sins? So clearly it means because a person forgets. He forgets that he's in the presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. If a person would would maintain that awareness of being in the presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, it would inhibit any chet. Whatever whatever the the driving forces, whatever that yetzer hara is to which a person succumbs, if a person felt, if a person had the awareness, if a person remembered שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד that he's in the presence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, that would inhibit any chet. If a person if a person when a person rachmana litzlan sins, it's an indication that he's not thinking of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Hence any teshuva means that a person has to regain that awareness of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And the Rambam therefore describes and defines teshuva as remembering HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Now it's interesting in this context, there are different ways to refer to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. There are the shivah shemos, there are seven names of HaKadosh Baruch Hu which the Torah has and we have all kinds of kinuyim for HaKadosh Baruch Hu. But the one the Rambam uses is the Rambam says zichru bor'achem, remember your creator. Because teshuva like malchiyos means restoring our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu, correcting, restoring our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu. That relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu means that we have to have a sense of who we are vis-a-vis HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And that means that we have to have a sense of being a po'el, of being a yetzur. We have to have this again sense of of creatureliness, of being nivra and that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is is the borei. And it's for that reason as well, it's that that this theme permeates the machzor yom noraim. Now I think that explanation holds true equally for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippurim. There is a second reason that again this self-understanding and self-recognition of of the transience of life and of our own mortality looms large in the Yom HaKippurim in the Yom HaKippurim liturgy. It's actually more pronounced on Yom Kippur than it is on Rosh Hashanah. On Yom Kippur you you have it as well in the in the piyut that we say after the avodah. We'll come to the context a little bit more of the piyut in a moment bli neder, but va'avisah tehila we say that HaKadosh Baruch Hu desires praise miglumei gush, migorei gei, middulei fo'al, middalei ma'as. So glumei is like the same word as golem as in the Maharal's golem. So glumei and gush means just like gush afar, it means a clump of dirt. So HaKadosh Baruch Hu desires praise from those who who are formed from a clump of earth, from those who gorei gei, from those who who live probably in allusion to gei tzalmaves, those who who live in the the valley of death, middulei fo'al and middalei ma'as, those who are impoverished of deed. So again this theme is is accentuated even more in the Yom HaKippurim liturgy. Why is that? So just very briefly as follows. The Gemara at the end of Masechet Yoma has a range of opinions and it actually records how different Amoraim would express their viduy on Yom Kippurim. The view which we accept, the normative view, the one which the Rambam codifies in in the Yad Hachazaka is that if a person says aval anachnu chatanu, so then that's that's a quintessential expression of viduy. Aval anachnu chatanu. But it's interesting that there are other opinions as well in the Gemara. One opinion is that the what we say the paragraph that we say just prior to all the to all the the viduyim whenever we're misvadeh, so we have the paragraph

אתה יודע רזי עולם ותעלומות סתרי כל חי אתה חופש כל חדרי בטן ובוחן כליות ולב.

You know the the secrets, the mysteries of the world and you know the the hidden secrets of every living creature. You scrutinize... Okay, so how was that Vidui? It didn't say anything explicitly about how we've sinned. Another opinion is that what we express in Ne'ila, מה אנו מה חיינו, right? What are we? What is our life? מה חסדנו מה צדקנו, what kindness do we practice? What justice do we implement, do we enact? Right, we borrow it from the Ne'ila and we say it every morning in the לעולם יהא אדם ירא שמים, so that's another opinion in the Gemara as to how we express the Viduy in Yom Kippur. But there's no Viduy there. There's no acknowledgment of sin. How can there be Viduy without acknowledgment of sin? So apparently the role of the Viduy on Yom Kippur is not unlike the Viduy which always accompanies teshuva, which is supposed to explicitly acknowledge chet. The Viduy in Yom Kippur has a different function. The Viduy in Yom Kippur is that in order for a person to merit Hakadosh Baruch Hu's atonement, in order for a person to merit the forgiveness and atonement of Yom HaKippurim, a person has to recognize his own shiflus. A person has to recognize, and here we come to the paradox, to the mystery of Yom Kippur and for that matter for all of life according to the Torah, is that the secret to man's greatness lies in his awareness of his worthlessness. If a person can say before Hakadosh Baruch Hu מה אנו מה חיינו, who are we? What are we? What is our life? What worth, what value is there? What value is there? So then ve'avisas tehila, right? That what the piyut is asher emasecha, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu's awe, Hakadosh Baruch Hu's dread is something which is felt, which is experienced by all the malachim on high and yet Hakadosh Baruch Hu isn't content with that. That's not the ultimate what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants. The Gemara says that the malachim can't begin saying shira in shamayim until we begin saying shira down here on earth. Ve'avisas tehila, ve'avisas tehila means not only despite the fact that we're גלומי גוש וגורי גיא, not only despite the fact that we're formed of a clump of dirt and that we live in the valley of death, but precisely because we have that awareness, because we have no illusions or delusions about who we are. We realize that vis-a-vis Hakadosh Baruch Hu we're nothing, so that itself becomes the secret to our greatness. When a person realizes that sense of shiflus of lowliness before Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so that's what elevates what elevates man to sublime heights. Because he has that feeling of מה אנו מה חיינו then ve'avisas tehila. Then Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants the praise from us. Then if a person knows מה אדם כי תדעהו ובן אנוש כי תזכרנו, I forget how the pasuk goes in Tehillim, ki siskrenu, who is man that you should be mindful of him, that you remember him? So then he can rise to the heights of ותחסרהו מעט מאלוהים וכבוד והדר תעטרהו. Then he becomes majestic. But the secret to man's majesty is awareness is an awareness of shiflus and afsos ha'adam. And that's what's being expressed in the ve'avisas tehila and that's what's being expressed when we're asking for the kapara in the Ne'ila. One last final push and petition that Hakadosh Baruch Hu should forgive us, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu should grant us atonement. So we say to Hakadosh Baruch Hu we recognize we recognize our lowliness we recognize that worthlessness. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu says if that's the case, so then your life is of inestimable value. Because if a person correctly understands what his relationship is with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, then a person is a genuine oved Hashem. Then a person appreciates malchus shamayim. That person has risen to great heights. Chazal say that the greatness of Moshe Rabbeinu is that Moshe Rabbeinu even surpassed the Avos. The Avos, Avraham Avinu, Avraham Avinu said onochi afar va'eifer. When Avraham Avinu was apologizing as it were, was excusing himself before Hakadosh Baruch Hu that he had the chutzpah, that he had the presumptuousness to be persistent in tefilla, הנה נא הואלתי לדבר אל השם ואנכי עפר ואפר, I'm dust and ashes. When Moshe Rabbeinu, when Moshe Rabbeinu refers to himself, he says about himself and his brother Aharon venachnu mah, what are we? We're not even, not even afar va'efer. So Moshe Rabbeinu, the bchir hamino ha-anoshi, right, the greatest, the greatest human being who ever lived, whoever will live, about whom Hakadosh Baruch Hu said בכל ביתו נאמן הוא פה אל פה אדבר בו, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu spoke to him directly as, as we converse, as we interact, what was the secret to that majesty of Moshe Rabbeinu? The secret to that majesty of Moshe Rabbeinu was that Moshe Rabbeinu felt venachnu mah. And that's what the paradox of Yom Hakippurim is. The paradox of Yom Hakippurim is that a person has to have this sense, this feeling of venachnu mah. It means that a person has to do everything, everything in his power to break the, the irrational and absurd gaiva which, which, which all too often grips us. All the, all the the cheshbonos, all the, the, the demands of you didn't do this for me, you owe me this, I'm entitled to this, I have this coming for me, all that's a stira, all that contradicts, it's antithetical to the malchiyos of Yamim Noraim. It's antithetical to the mindset that a person is supposed to have on Yom Kippur in order to merit kapara. What's the secret of the kapara? What's that special mitzvas viduy on Yom Kippur? The special mitzvas viduy on Yom Kippur is that a person should recognize who he is and what he is. And ultimately, who is he and what is he without Hakadosh Baruch Hu? Nothing. Venachnu mah, venachnu mah says Moshe Rabbeinu. To the degree that a person recognizes that, to that degree he becomes great. And the greater and more acute the awareness is of who we are, what we are vis-a-vis Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the greater, the more complete one understands and fulfills malchiyos. Again, malchiyos in the sense of what our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu is. So it's to that degree that Hakadosh Baruch Hu says that we become worthy of forgiveness, that we become worthy of atonement, that our life again, instead of being worthless, is invested with indescribable worth. So halevai, halevai that we should all be zocha, we should all merit to have an understanding, to have an appreciation for the malchiyos, for Melech Elyon, Melech Evyon, the Asher emasecha, the V'avisa tehilla, that we should go into Yom Kippur as much as possible, to, as much as possible to have that understanding, that self-awareness of venachnu mah, and in that zchus we should all be zocha to a g'mar chasima tova. L'chaim! L'chaim!