1st Yahrzeit of Rav Moshe Twersky

ויאמר אל תשלח ידך אל הנער ואל תעש לו מאומה כי עתה ידעתי כי ירא אלוהים אתה ולא חסכת את בנך את יחידך ממני.

The Torah attributes Avraham Avinu's success in measuring up to the nisayon of the Akeidah to yiras Hashem, not to. The Torah attributes Avraham Avinu's success in measuring up to the nisayon of the Akeidah not to his ahavas Hashem, zera Avraham ohavi, but rather to yiras Hashem. עתה ידעתי כי ירא אלוהים אתה. We have to try to understand what this tells us about the respective domains of ahavah and yirah. The question, which is already posed by the pasuk in Chumash, is sharpened, becomes more acute in the Rambam's discussion of the Akeidah. Perhaps we'll just try to read a few lines together.

העניין האחד הראשון מענייני פרשת העקידה להודיענו קצה גבול האהבה לאל יתעלה והיראה מפניו עד איזה גבול הן מגיעות.

The Akeidah comes to teach us the extent, just how far reaching, to what degree ahavas Hashem and yiras Hashem should reach. לכן נצטווה בפרשה הזאת, accordingly Avraham Avinu was commanded in the parsha of the Akeidah,

ציווי אשר לא ישתווה אליו מסירות ממון ולא מסירות נפש.

What Avraham Avinu was called upon to do went beyond giving away all his earthly possessions, it went beyond sacrificing his own life, אלא זה מעל ומעבר לכל מה שאפשר שייראה במציאות, it went beyond any conceivable situation, דבר שאין לדמות שטבע האדם יענה עליו, something which one would have thought that it's inconceivable that a person could respond to. והוא שאיש עקר המשתוקק ביותר לילד, a barren man who has been pining for a child,

אדם בעל עושר רב נשוא פנים המבקש שמצאצאיו תתהווה אומה,

who wants a child so that he can become the progenitor of a nation, as the Rambam writes in Hilchos Avodah Zarah, אומה היודעת את אלוהיה, ובא לו הילד אחר ייאוש. Finally, finally after he despaired of having such a child, he receives the gift of that child, מה רבה תהיה דבקותו בו ואהבתו אליו. How extraordinary and how intense must be his love and his dveykus in that child. אבל מיראתו אותו יתעלה ואהבתו, skipping a few words we'll come back to them bli neder,

משליך את כל אשר קיווה לו וממהר לשחוט אותו כעבור כמה ימים.

Again the Rambam attributing Avraham Avinu's actions both to yirah and to ahavah, already the second time, right? When the Rambam introduced his discussion he says that the Akeidah comes to teach us קצה גבול האהבה והיראה, and now he says Avraham Avinu is acting מיראתו אותו יתעלה ואהבתו. A third time,

אברהם אבינו לא מיהר לשחוט את יצחק מתוך פחד מן האל פן יהרגהו או ירוששהו.

So Avraham Avinu wasn't acting out of any sense of fear or coercion or intimidation lest Hakadosh Baruch Hu kill him, lest Hakadosh Baruch Hu impoverish him אלא אך ורק בגלל אהבתו יתעלה ויראתו. Again, Avraham Avinu is acting out of both, he's acting out of both ahava and yira, three times already. לכן אמר לו המלאך and that's why the malach says at the end of the nisayon of the akeidah

כי עתה ידעתי כי ירא אלקים אתה כלומר במעשה הזה אשר בגללו יאמר אליך ירא אלקים ידעו כל בני אדם מהו קצה גבול יראת השם.

All of a sudden, so the Rambam is only talking about yiras Hashem. Clearly prompted by the pasuk, but what do we make of that? And then the Rambam makes another what probably to many of us seems to be a very startling statement in terms of what the ultimate goal of avodas Hashem is: דע שהוא הדגיש את הענין הזה בתורה והבהיר אותו. Hakadosh Baruch Hu emphasized and clarified v'tzayen and Hakadosh Baruch Hu indicates unequivocally שכל תכלית התורה כולה, the end goal of all of Torah,

שכל תכלית התורה כולה לרבות הציוויים האיסורים ההבטחות והסיפורים הכלולים בה.

All the mitzvos, all the stories we're told, hi davar echad. There's one end ultimate goal for all of Torah, hayira mimenu yisaleh. Yiras Hashem. Yiras Hashem is the ultimate goal, vehu devaro and this is what Hakadosh Baruch Hu expressed in the following pasuk:

אם לא תשמור לעשות את כל דברי התורה הזאת הכתובים בספר הזה.

You have to observe, you have to fulfill, you have to comply with all of Torah, for what? ליראה את השם הנכבד והנורא הזה את השם אלקיך. One more question and then we'll try to reflect a little bit and be'ezras Hashem and to unravel a little bit. The Sifrei in Parshas Va'eschanan, Rashi as you know paraphrases it, lefi shehu omer says the Sifrei commenting on the pasuk of ואהבת את השם אלקיך, lefi shehu omer את השם אלקיך תירא ואותו תעבוד. There's a tzivui of yiras Hashem.

יש לך אדם כשהוא מתיירא מחבירו כשהוא מטריחו מניחו והולך לו. אלא אתה עשה מאהבה.

Sifrei says, Sifrei is presenting a psychological truth, not intended as a logical truth, that if a person is only motivated by yira, at a certain point, if the boss is too overbearing, if he's too imposing, so you tell the boss off, ay but he's gonna fire you and you're not gonna get the next paycheck, there's only so much a person can withstand. כשהוא מטריחו מניחו והולך לו. Not a logical reaction but a psychological reality. But ahava, אלא אתה עשה מאהבה. That's what Rashi paraphrases, that that's why the Torah gives us the mitzvah of ahava. So clearly the Sifrei is telling us that ahava surpasses yira. Ahava will bring a person to a degree of loyalty and steadfastness that yira can't. So how do we reconcile that with כי עתה ידעתי כי ירא אלקים אתה, the pasuk in Ki Savo, ליראה את השם הנכבד, so clearly, clearly the answer is the malach in כי עתה ידעתי כי ירא אלקים אתה, the pasuk in Ki Savo, ליראה את השם הנכבד is talking about yiras haromemus, and the Sifrei is talking about yiras ha'onesh, but it doesn't really answer the question because the Sifrei is clearly saying that the pasuk of את השם אלקיך תירא would have been inadequate. The pshat of

אומר את השם אלוקיך תירא ואותו תעבוד יש לך אדם כשהוא מתיירא מחברו כשהוא מטריחו ומניחו והולך לו,

but doesn't the pasuk of את השם אלוקיך תירא include both types of yira? So it doesn't really solve our problem to align the

עתה ידעתי כי ירא אלוקים אתה אם לא תשמור לעשות לירא

with yiras haromemus because that's also included in את השם אלוקיך תירא and the Sifrei says that that would have been inadequate because manicho v'holech lo at a certain point. It's well known that the Rambam consistently, emphatically explains that ahavas Hashem is attained through hisbonenus, through yediya, through havana, through hassaga.

בשעה שיתבונן האדם במעשיו וברואיו הנפלאים לפי הדעה תהיה האהבה אם מעט מעט ואם הרבה הרבה.

Ahavas Hashem, the

מיד הוא אוהב ומשבח ומפאר ומתאווה תאווה גדולה לידע השם הגדול.

A person is captivated, he's mesmerized by what he understands. The hisbonenus in Sefer Hamitzvos where the seen, the histaklus, the hassaga, a person is captivated, enthralled, fascinated by what he understands. And that's why, that's the background to the Rambam's comment in Perush Hamishnayos on Avos on the mishna of Antignus Ish Socho. V'im kol zeh, with that noble mode of being oved me'ahava, לא פטורה מן היראה. Antignus Ish Socho doesn't exempt his talmidim from yira.

לכך אמר אם הייתם עובדים מאהבה אל תניחו היראה לגמרי ויהי מורא שמים עליכם לפי שכבר נאמר גם בתורה הציווי על היראה. והוא אמר את השם אלוקיך תירא. ואמרו חכמים עבוד מאהבה עבוד מיראה. ואמרו פה אוהב לא נעלם ממנו הציווי והירא אינו עובר על האזהרה הרי שליראה יש מבוא גדול במצוות לא תעשה ובפרט במצוות השמיעיות.

So the Rambam here has a type of, has a typology. He says generally, he doesn't mean this as an absolute rule: ahava will lead a person or will inspire a person to kiyum mitzvas asei, but it's yira that's necessary for compliance with mitzvas lo sa'asei and especially those mitzvos which are shimiyos. Those mitzvos whose reason eludes us. Those mitzvos which are not intuitive. Why? Again, so within the Rambam's framework it makes perfect sense. The ahava is generated, is a product of one's understanding, this profound again appreciation, fascination, being enthralled, captivated by what one understands. But when one comes up against something which is beyond our understanding, so at that point yira is necessary, befrat bemitzvos hashimiyos. Clearly the akeida, the tzivuy on the akeida represented the ultimate chok. One would be inclined to describe the chok as follows. This is the way the Malbim for instance does. Avraham Avinu discovered HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Avraham Avinu was מקיים כל התורה כולה because his sechel was so attuned to emes. His sechel was so attuned to the sechel haTorah. That's what allowed Avraham Avinu, even though he was mushke'a be-Ur Kasdim בין עובדי עבודה זרה הטפשים, that's what allowed him to recognize HaKadosh Baruch Hu, to be מקיים כל התורה כולה. But such a sechel so attuned to Torah was also attuned to the pasuk of

כי כל תועבת ה' אשר שנא עשו לאלהיהם כי גם את בניהם ואת בנותיהם ישרפו באש לאלהיהם.

Avraham Avinu understood better than anyone until Moshe Rabbeinu how much of a to'evah human sacrifice is. And now he receives a tzivuy seemingly to engage in just that. The ultimate chok. By mitzvos shimiyos the Rambam says a person has to draw upon yira. But there's a lot here that's still unresolved. First and foremost, the Rambam doesn't depict the nisayon of the akeida that way. Right? Remember we read. The Rambam didn't say anything about the irrationality or the barbarism of human sacrifice. The Rambam seemingly was describing it in much more emotional terms.

והוא שאיש עקר המשתוקק ביותר לילד המבקש שמצאצאיו תתהווה אומה ובא לו הילד לאחר יאוש מה רבה תהיה דבקותו בו ואהבתו אליו.

That's how the Rambam describes the nisayon of the akeida. Why did the Rambam pass up on that other depiction? Ke-midumeh, the Rambam is telling us something extraordinary here. To fulfill a chok, a person acts against his better judgment. Doesn't make sense to me. I don't see why I should do it. A person acts against his better judgment. He allows, as it were, HaKadosh Baruch Hu to overrule him. But what the Rambam is telling us is by the akeida that wouldn't have allowed Avraham Avinu to proceed. It's humanly impossible as long as Avraham Avinu feels that intense love and deveikus for Yitzchak. It's impossible לקחת את המאכלת ולשחוט את בנו. You can't. It's impossible. It's impossible to take a knife and shacht a child whom you love more than anything, in whom you're totally daveik. That's what the Rambam says when he introduces it. He says דבר שאין לדמות שטבע האדם יענה לו. So how does Avraham Avinu measure up to the nisayon?

אבל מיראתו אותו יתעלה ואהבתו לציית לציוויו הוא מקל בערך הילד האהוב הזה.

Avraham Avinu makes light of his love for Yitzchak. Avraham Avinu's ahavas Hashem and yiras Hashem is such, not just that that he's willing to act against his own better judgment and follow the ציווי הקל ברוך הוא, but his every thought, his every emotion, his every feeling, his every aspiration is contingent on Hakadosh Baruch Hu's approval and validation. And when Hakadosh Baruch Hu seemingly tells him ha'aleihu sham le'olah, you have to put aside your love for Yitzchak because you can't act against it. It's humanly impossible. That's what the Rambam is saying, דבר שאין לדמותו שטבע האדם יענה לו. No one would think it's possible because it isn't possible as long as the ahava is as intense as it was and the dveikus is as complete as it was. A person can know that he's supposed to do it but can't do it. What Avraham Avinu is able to do, what Avraham Avinu was ready to do, is Avraham Avinu his self-effacement to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the hisbatlus to Hakadosh Baruch Hu is so complete and is so great that when Hakadosh Baruch Hu seemingly, obviously Hakadosh Baruch Hu isn't really telling him that and obviously Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants parents to have that that that love, but when Hakadosh Baruch Hu is seemingly telling him that he has to stop loving Yitzchak because it's only when you can stop loving that you can pick up a knife and shecht, you can't do it otherwise, so Avraham Avinu is able to do that. That's the hisbatlus of the akeidah. Hisbatlus comes from yira, it doesn't come from ahava. Again, ahava, a person is fascinated, he's captivated, he's enthralled, the hisbatlus comes from yira. With that, let's revisit the famous halacha in Perek Bais of Yesodei HaTorah and and try again a very crucial insight.

היכי הדרך לאהבתו ויראתו. בשעה שיתבונן האדם במעשיו וברואיו הנפלאים הגדולים ויראה מהם חכמתו שאין לה ערך ולא קץ, מיד הוא אוהב ומשבח ומפאר ומתאוה תאוה גדולה לדעת השם הגדול כמו שאמר דוד צמאה נפשי לאלהים לאל חי. וכשמחשב בדברים האלה עצמן מיד הוא נרתע לאחוריו, וירא ויפחד וידע שהוא בריה קטנה שפלה אפלה עומד בדעת קלה מעוטה לפני תמים דעות כמו שאמר דוד כי אראה שמיך מה אנוש כי תזכרנו.

So at first glance, the Rambam is telling us that the nifla'os haborei simultaneously inspire two reactions. They inspire a reaction of ahava and they inspire a reaction of yira. But le'achar hahisbonenus, what the Rambam is saying is more nuanced than that. And maybe chronologically it's simultaneous, but conceptually it's not. משל למה הדבר דומה. Have to enter, have to enter a time machine. Person's been learning for many years, he's never heard a shiur from the Rav. Go back a little bit further in the time machine, he's never heard a shiur from Reb Chaim. He goes, he hears the shiur. He realizes the worlds of thought and ideas pulsating with life that Reb Chaim, that the Rav see in a line in the Gemara, a line in the Rambam. And he's absolutely fascinated. He's enthralled. What does that give way to? What that inevitably, inevitably... inevitably, inexorably gives way to is I don't understand anything. That's what's in the lines of the Gemara, in the lines of the Rambam, these worlds pulsating with with vibrant profound ideas. I see two dimensions. I read and I translate. He realizes that that he's nothing. But in order to have that awareness, that recognition, he has to understand the shiur. If he doesn't first understand the shiur, if he's not first fascinated and inspired and captivated and enthralled, he's not going to discover, he's not going to retreat and and recognize that you know what? I don't even skin the surface. It's all because he has the reaction of ahava. It's only because a person sees the חכמה שאין לה ערך ולא קץ, only when the person has the reaction and the experience of ahava, can he then have the reaction of

יראה ויודע שהוא בריה קטנה שפלה אפלה עומד בדעת קלה ומעוטה לפני תמים דעות.

In the mashal, if one doesn't understand the shiur, one doesn't feel ignorant. The shiur just leaves me cold. If you understood the shiur, if you saw the chochma, the extraordinary chochma, the vibrancy of it, so then conceptually it happens afterwards. Maybe chronologically it happens simultaneously, but then it happens afterwards that the person recognizes I don't know anything. בריה קטנה שפלה אפלה. The hisbatlus necessary for the akeida is an expression of yira. It's an expression of nothing about me, about any feeling, thought, desire, aspiration, attachment has any validity if it's not validated by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That complete total hisbatlus, whether I understand Hakadosh Baruch Hu's validation or invalidation doesn't make a difference, because I'm a בריה קטנה שפלה אפלה. That hisbatlus is necessary to measure up to the nisayon of the akeida, כי עתה ידעת כי ירא אלהים אתה. But you can't attain that pinnacle, the pinnacle of avodas Hashem, that's what the Rambam says, that's the pinnacle, the yiras haromemus is the crowning achievement of the ahavas Hashem, but you can't attain that until and unless a person has the ahavas Hashem. The yiras haromemus is an outgrowth, it's the capping achievement, it's the crowning achievement of the ahava. That's what the Rambam says throughout. The akeida teaches us גבול האהבה גבול היראה. It's the tzav what Avraham Avinu was able to do based on his ahava and yira, and that's what the malach tells him, כי עתה ידעת כי ירא אלהים אתה. That total self-effacement of makeil be'ahavas hayeled, מקיל בערך הילד האהוב לו, that total, total self-effacement, that's yiras haromemus, but the yiras haromemus comes as a result of ahava. The ahava translates, segues into that. The Rambam famously writes, hasagaso what it means to apprehend Hakadosh Baruch Hu הוא חוסר היכולת להשיגו השגה גמורה. What it means to understand Hakadosh Baruch Hu, what it means to apprehend Hakadosh Baruch Hu, is to recognize, is to understand as deeply as as deeply and profoundly and fully as possible that a person can't understand HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Or the way the Rav quotes it at the beginning of Ish HaHalacha, תכלית הידיעה שלא נדע. Yedia is the basis of Ahava. The substance, the essence of Yirah is

בעייתה ונשפלה ואפירה ומעץ בדעת קלה, תכלית הידיעה שלא נדע.

Tachlis Ha'Ahava is HaYirah. And be'emes everything we're saying is meforash midivrei Chazal.

תניא רבי מאיר אומר, נאמר ירא אלקים באיוב ונאמר ירא אלקים באברהם. מה ירא אלקים האמור באברהם מאהבה אף ירא אלקים האמור באיוב מאהבה. ירא אלקים האמור באברהם מאהבה.

The Yirah derives from the Ahava. And that's what it means that the Yirah is the ultimate, the Yirah is the crowning achievement. The Mitzvos of Ahava and Yirah reflect two dimensions of our perception of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. The Rashba famously explains the matbe'a habracha when we shift from Nochach to Nistar, when we shift from second to third person. It's because HaKadosh Baruch Hu is nigla mitzad ma'asav, nistar mitzad elokuso. Through His actions, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is revealed to us but His essence totally, totally hidden, totally inscrutable. The truth is that the two dimensions of he'elam and gilluy, of nistar and nigla are present even within מעשה הקדוש ברוך הוא. We know of nissim nistarim, we know of nissim gluyim. In his Hesped for his uncle Reb Volvele, the Rav explains that the Middos of HaKadosh Baruch Hu are represented and embodied in this world by Gedolei Yisrael. There are Gedolei Yisrael who are the embodiment of Chessed, there are Gedolei Yisrael who are the embodiment of Gevurah vechulu. And so too with middas hagilluy and middas hahe'elam. The tafkid assigned to many Gedolim, arguably most Gedolim, להורות לעם המעשה אשר יעשון, leharbitz Torah la'adarim, requires at least to a degree that they embody the middas hanigla of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. We shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that even those Gedolim who are and להבדיל בין החיים בין החיים were famous in their lifetime, we shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that we really know them, that we really understand them. But im kol zeh there's a middas hagilluy.

אתה הוא עקיבא בן יוסף ששמך הולך מסוף העולם ועד סופו.

There's a middas hagilluy. But HaKadosh Baruch Hu's middah of he'elam and tzimtzum also has to be embodied in the world. And thus some Gedolim are given the privileged tafkid, it's the privileged tafkid because I think every Gadol would prefer the anonymity, some Gedolim are given the privileged tafkid of embodying middas hahe'elam. At most a handful of people if that many recognize that towering stature. They walk around as Chana asked in her tefillah zera anoshim. They walk around nothing stands out. People who interact with them day in day out for decades have no idea who they are with whom they're interacting. My brother זכר צדיק קדוש לברכה belonged to that second group of gedolei Yisrael. Those to whom the hashgacha assigned the privileged task, the zechus of representing middas ha-helem, middas ha-nistar in the world. There were very few select individuals who knew. When he was in his twenties the Rav wrote him a private smicha which never saw the light of day, which was never shown to anyone. And he writes, he concludes the smicha with that I thank Hakadosh Baruch Hu כי חנני בנכד גדול כזה. A little bit later in life when he was in his low thirties his Rebbe in kabbalah Rabbi Yisrael Eliyahu Weintraub wrote a letter to someone who had met my brother and clearly had not taken the measure of the person. And he wrote to him that האברך הזה יהיה מגדולי הדור הבא. But virtually no one else had the slightest inkling. And that's not a criticism of anyone else because it's due to the fact that he hid himself. His entire life he spent hiding. He craved and in large measure succeeded in preserving anonymity. Perspectives on that lifetime as a nistor. First of all it just flowed naturally from his middas ha-anavah. He was just a very very humble person. That same middas ha-anavah was crucial to one of the מ"ח דברים שהתורה נקנית בהם in his growing into a gadol in the first place. And here parenthetically it should be noted that remaining a nistor so not only didn't that stunt his meteoric growth but it fostered it. The story is told that the Beis Halevi was asked one always hears of many many iluyim, many many youthful prodigies. And most of them fizzle. Most of them don't grow into geonei gedolei olam. How come Reb Chaim materialized? How come he didn't fizzle? And the Beis Halevi answered I kept him hidden. My brother kept himself hidden. But the life of a nistor at a certain point that middas ha-anavah which he had so ingrained in himself when he attained high madreigos in avodas Hashem so that humble demeanor and dimension was reinforced by the sense of being a בריה שפלה ואפלה עומדת בדעת קלה לפני תמים דעות. V'Reb Itzele expresses the same idea in the hakdama to Nefesh Hachaim

עיקר הענוה שלא להרגיש מעשים הטובים שפעל וערך מעלותיו שהשיג וכל אשר יגדלו פעולותיו ומעלותיו ושכלו ירבה להכיר גדולתו יתברך שמו כן רוח אלקים תוסף תת כח הרגש חסרונו ותדמים הרגש עצמות מעלותיו.

And that's why in speaking of, in reflecting about my brother's midas ha'anava, what needs to be emphasized was its naturalness. There was nothing artificial or affected. There was nothing contrived. He acted humbly, he lived humbly because he felt humble, because he was humble. Whether it's the version we have in the mishna of

אם למדת תורה הרבה אל תחזיק טובה לעצמך כי לכך נוצרת

or where the way it appears in Avos d'Rabbi Nasan אם עשית תורה הרבה. The passage from Reb Itzele could have been written about my brother. But here I'd like to try to, I don't know that I'm able to. In speaking about the naturalness of his anava, it's יצא מן הכלל ללמד על הכלל כולו. I'll try to explain. Most of us live in a world where we grapple with a yetzer hara for kavod, where we grapple with a yetzer hara of ga'ava, and we strive to suppress it, to overcome it. But our metzius is a metzius shel chol. In that world, in that reality, there's kavod. In that world, in that reality, there's a strong yetzer hara for ga'ava. There are yechidei segula who by dint of immersing themselves in Torah, learning Torah behasmada raba, by dint of their avoda of tikkun hamidos, who leave behind that metzius shel chol and they enter a metzius shel kodesh. They inhabit a different world. That's a world which has no struggle with kavod, has no yetzer hara for ga'ava. It's a world in which

היודע שהוא בריה קטנה שפלה ואפלה עומדת בדעת קלה לפני תמים דעות.

In a metzius shel chol one learns Torah. Perhaps one even devotes many hours to talmud Torah, and maybe, maybe even as the Ran says תמיד יומם ולילה כפי כוחו. But there's still a gap. There's my life and there's Torah. In the metzius of kodesh כי הם חיינו ואורך ימינו isn't the line in birkas... It's not what I'm—it's not a mitzvah. It's not even a mitzvah k'neged kulam but it's life. Be'al korcho my brother had to be videoed and he was talking about this idea about talmud Torah. It's not a mitzvah, it's life. In metziah shel chol there's me, there's my life, there's Torah, there's mitzvos. There's a gap there. In metziah shel kodesh, Torah is life. And that's why my brother was not big on traveling. To travel, you have to spend time. It's time that one could be sitting in the beis medrash. Didn't travel anywhere. He went three times to Warsaw bein hazmanim to be at the Reb Chaim's kever on his yahrtzeit. The connection wasn't simply that there was an intellectual affinity, that that's how the Rav had trained him to think and to reason and to feel and to intuit. That's all true. The connection was a much deeper one. The Baal HaTanya quotes from the Zohar HaKadosh. How is it that with a handful of exceptions, Beis Shammai was always machmir and Beis Hillel was always meikel? So the Zohar HaKadosh says there was a certain tchuunas hanefesh in the nefashos, in the neshamos of Beis Shammai that led them to see things in one way. A certain pattern of thought, a certain perspective, a certain understanding, a certain view. And there was a different tchuunas hanefesh in the nefashos, in the neshamos of Beis Hillel. They came from different places, different sources in terms of where neshamos are nechtzavos from. In a metziah shel chol, we all have those tchuunos hanefesh. But in a metziah shel chol a person either is totally unaware or very, very weakly aware of those tchuunos hanefesh. In metziah shel kodesh a person feels it so deeply. The connection to Reb Chaim's Torah was a spiritual, existential, call it mystical connection. In a metziah shel chol we're chayavim b'mitzvos, we're mekayeim mitzvos. But we can and do experience tircha. And not just for purposes of talmud Torah, but just to know what our practical options are. We're very much aware of what's me'akeiv, what's l'chatchila, what's a middas chassidus. In a metziah shel chol a mitzvah is an obligation, but truth be told can also be experienced as an imposition. טורח שיש בעשייתן על עמי הארץ the Rambam writes. In a metziah shel kodesh, a mitzvah is always a sacred obligation, never, ever an imposition. The only level which is relevant halacha l'maiseh is mitzvah min hamuvchar. That's the only halacha relevant in terms of practical option to be considered, to be implemented, to be sought after is mitzvah min hamuvchar. My brother used to walk hours first day Sukkos because there was a Jew at the other end of Yerushalayim who had contacts with a socheir esrogim. who was able to get every year an exquisite esrog, more beautiful than anything my brother could afford. And in his last years due to various factors walking at times was very painful. Between the round trip he walked hours because there’s no other way to be mekayem mitzvas lulav. And in the metzius shel kodesh in that world it's true, there is no other way to be mekayem hamitzvah. The other options only exist in the metzius shel chol. In a metzius shel chol when we’re learning a kasha is a kasha. A question, a challenge, a puzzle. In the biography of the Gaon, the famous story is told how Reb Chaim Volozhiner comes for one of his visits to the Gaon and he's told that the Gaon's been closeted in his room, he hasn't taken a bite of food, he hasn't had a sip of water for well over a day because he’s stuck, he doesn’t understand something. Kasha is a crisis in the metzius shel kodesh. Abba used to say that he can’t, he doesn’t go home if there was a kasha left, he just can’t go home and go to sleep. That was my brother’s world also. In a metzius shel chol one keeps Shabbos, goes to shul, makes Kiddush, sings zemiros, says divrei Torah at the table. In a metzius shel kodesh there’s a hisromemus on Shabbos. It’s an exalted time of exaltation. My brother kimat did not sleep on Shabbos, couldn’t, couldn’t give up on a minute of kedushas Shabbos to go to sleep. A little bit, but kimat not, a little bit, yes. When you spent time with him, when you went to visit, when he welcomed you into his apartment, he also welcomed you into his world. You were transported into a different world. You stepped out of your own metzius shel chol into his metzius shel kodesh and what a beautiful, wonderful metzius that was. Last year kaf-hei Cheshvan a remarkable life of a remarkable ohev veyarei Hashem was cut short. But that’s not all. A world of kedusha, a metzius shel kodesh was closed off to us. Halevai that we too on our own someday should be able to gain entree into that metzius shel kodesh and inhabit that world. חבל על דאבדין תהא נשמתו צרורה בצרור החיים.