Wholeheartedness in Mitzvos

ומן הידוע שכל מי שחולק קצת על קצת ומחזיב קצת קצת בדיבור ובמעשה אין מאמינים בצדקו ואין הנפשות מתיישבות על אמיתו. ומן הידוע שכל מי שחולק קצת על קצת ומחזיב קצת קצת בדיבור ובמעשה אין מאמינים בצדקו ואין הנפשות מתיישבות על אמיתו.

Being people don't trust such a person, right? Ein ma'aminim betzidko ואין הנפשות מתיישבות על אמיתו, so people don't trust his righteousness and they're not at ease in relying on his truthfulness. What is that? What's the significance of that, the role of that? Chovos HaLevavos is telling us that it's something intuitive that the same way in terms of bein adam lachaveiro interaction, if there's a disparity between what the person does and says as opposed to how he feels, you don't really trust that person because I don't know, he smiles and he says hello, but ech'shehu you know that inwardly he really doesn't like those people that he's, you know, he's just posturing with a smile. So it's intuitive that that's again at best hollow and, you know, at worst hypocritical.

וכן אם יחלוק גלוינו על נסתרנו וכוונת לבבנו על דיבורנו ותנועת אברינו על מצפוננו.

So the same way it's intuitive to us and we don't accept a gesture, we don't trust the gesture if we detect that it's only something which is an outward gesture, that it's only something which is external. So based on that intuition, so then we understand very well that

אם יחלוק גלוינו על נסתרנו וכוונת לבבנו על דיבורנו ותנועת אברינו על מצפוננו, לא תהיה עבודתנו לאלוקינו שלמה מפני שאינו מקבל ממנו עבודה מזויפת,

kemo shene'emar לא אוכל און ועצרה. So it's a little bit at first glance it's a little bit confusing, but just have to understand how the leshonos are being used here. You know we think of לא תהיה עבודתנו שלמה, okay, so it's not perfect. You know if the professor tells you you didn't get a 100, you don't assume that means you got a 20. Okay, so maybe you got a 95, maybe you got an 85. But the Chovos HaLevavos says no, that if you have this disparity between everything that depends upon the Chovos HaLevavos and what's outwardly projected, so initially he just says, well it's not shleima, but then he turns around and says, you know, Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't want, is not interested in some kind of forged avoda, מפני שאינו מקבל ממנו עבודה מזויפת. So shleima here means again not milashon shleimus or perfect, but complete, and what it means is that hayos that for something to be complete means that there has to be consistency, there has to be congruence between what's internal and what's projected externally. So then it's a natural continuum, right? לא תהיה עבודתנו לאלוקינו שלמה, if you'll have this inconsistency we won't be complete, again, complete in the sense of consistent, so then Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not interested in that, מפני שאינו מקבל ממנו עבודה מזויפת. Again, it's when we're learning and trying. So I don't know whether at lunch you bump into someone who's an expert there in Arabic, you can show them this line and run this by them and ask them things. If you don't, I guess just eating lunch in the wrong place, I don't know. But avodah mezuyefet, the at least from the translation, the mashma'us is again, so ziyuf is something which is counterfeit, something which is right, a mezuyef when you've done a mezuyef of a shtar, so it means it's a forgery. So how do you when you make a forgery what do you do? So you try to copy to imitate the signature of the eid and make it look as truthful as possible. So if a person, so this is an incredible teitch, an incredible framing of when we go through motions in avodas Hashem without the right inner mindset, kavanos, attitude, etc. it's it's a ziyuf on a certain level. It's a ziyuf. What what the mitzvah is supposed to represent is being forged because you have the externality of the mitzvah but it doesn't express or represent that. It's an amazing an amazing take on what the what what happens when you have this inconsistency. כמו שנאמר לא אוכל און ועצרה. How does someone have a Yeshaya? How does the pasuk, the pesukim go right before that phrase? All right, pasuk before is

כי תבאו לראות פני מי בקש זאת מידכם רמס חצרי לא תוסיפו הביא מנחת שוא קטרת תועבה היא לי חדש ושבת קרא מקרא לא אוכל און ועצרה.

Right, so I think contextually the Chovos Halevavos's prooftext maybe supports that that understanding of avodah mezuyefet. Meaning that what the navi in the name of Hakadosh Baruch Hu is indicting Bnei Yisrael for is for how they're doing mitzvos, right? לא תוסיפו הביא מנחת שוא. We're bringing menachos and and maybe outwardly, maybe externally the minchah seems to conform with hilchos menachos. We're bringing the ketores. We're externally keeping Shabbos and Hakadosh Baruch Hu says no, I can't abide it, I can't I can't tolerate it.

ואמר כי אני ה׳ אהב משפט שנא גזל בעולה. ואמר וכי תגישון עור לזבח אין רע וכי תגישו פסח וחלה אין רע הקריבהו נא לפחתך הירצך או הישא פניך.

Again, all of these perakim again are are all in the in that same vein.

ואמר הנה שמע מזבח טוב והקשיב מחלב אילים. ומפני זה תהיה מצוה אחת שקולה כמצות רבות כפי הלב והכונה.

So the Rambam has this yesod also when the Rambam talks in Perek Gimmel of Hilchos Teshuva that

כל אחד ואחד מבני האדם יש לו זכויות ועוונות. מי שזכויותיו יתירות על עוונותיו צדיק ומי שעוונותיו יתירות על זכויותיו רשע.

Mechtza lemechtza beinoni. So more zachuyos tzaddik, more avonos rasha, mechtza lemechtza beinoni. Then the Rambam says ושקול זה של עוונות versus zachuyos, the Rambam writes in Gimmel Beis, אינו לפי מנין הזכויות והעוונות אלא לפי גודלם. But it's not simply a function of numbers, well, he engaged in ten zachuyos, he engaged in nine avonos or vice versa, so therefore we know what the gezar din is. No.

יש זכות שהיא כנגד כמה עוונות שנאמר יען נמצא בו דבר טוב.

On the other hand,

ויש עון שהוא כנגד כמה זכויות שנאמר וחוטא אחד יאבד טובה הרבה.

So so far it's the same yesod as the Chovos Halvavos. I think it's from the hemshech in the Rambam. Rambam continues

ואין שוקלין אלא בדעתו של קל דעות והוא היודע היך עורכין הזכויות כנגד העוונות.

And the Rambam says consequently, because it's not just a function of, you know, counting mitzvah versus aveirah, one or let's say versus bittul mitzvah, but it's the magnitude of the respective zachuyos and avonos, so consequently we can never, we never know the cheshbon because

ואין שוקלין אלא בדעתו של קל דעות והוא היודע היך עורכין הזכויות כנגד העוונות.

So on the one hand, he doesn't buttonhole, you know, that the, not explicitly, he doesn't buttonhole that the variable is as the Chovos Halvavos says,

ומפני זה תהיה מצוה אחת שקולה כמצות רבות לפי הלב והכוונה ועבירה אחת שקולה כעבירות רבות.

He doesn't buttonhole that one variable, but me'idach gisa, he does very conspicuously refer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this context as Kel De'os. Which means that Hakadosh Baruch Hu knows the da'as of every person. But even that lachora, so part of that certainly is what the Chovos Halvavos is talking about and he is, albeit not saying it as explicitly as Rabbeinu Bachya hakatan as Chovos Halvavos, but that lachora is nichlal in Kel De'os, but I don't know, it's also yitachen me'od that Kel De'os is broader than that. Let's say two people do the same mitzvah with the same positive kavana. But for one, given, I don't know, given his temperament or whatever, it was an easy lift, wasn't so challenging. And the other one, given his temperament, it was very difficult. It was very challenging. So mistama it's not the same, mistama it's not the same zchus. And the same thing with aveirah. So the Rambam's Kel De'os lachora certainly reflects and incorporates what the Chovos Halvavos is saying, but yitachen the Rambam is also very much. what determines in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's shikul, the magnitude of the zchus or the v'efshar says the Chovos HaLevavos שתהיה המחשבה במצוה והכוסף לעשותה mi'yiras Elokim

ואם גם אין באפשרותו להוציאו לפועל שוקלת מצות רבות מזולתה כאשר אמר השם לדוד יען אשר היה עם לבבך לבנות בית לשמי הטבות כי היה עם לבבך ואומר אז נדברו יראי השם איש אל רעהו ויקשב השם וישמע ויכתב ספר זכרון לפניו ליראי השם ולחושבי שמו ואמרו זכרונם לברכה בפירושו

mahu u'l'choshvei shmo

אפילו חשב לעשות מצוה ונאנס ולא עשאה מעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו עשאה.

So if the desire to do a mitzvah, the machshava to do a mitzvah is sort of just a necessary hechsher for the mitzvah to happen, so then it's, the Chovos HaLevavos says, it's hard to understand that מעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו עשאה. If it's at the essence of what a person's doing when he's being mekayeim the mitzvah, it's expressing his yiras Hashem, his kabbalas ol mitzvos and that's again, it's not just something which is the background, the context, but it's essential to the mitzvah itself, so then you understand that on a certain level, he has been mekayeim the mitzvah. On a certain level, he has been mekayeim the mitzvah. That seems to be the train of thought here.

וכאשר עמדתי על מה שהעיר עליו השכל והכתוב והקבלה ממצות הלבבות החילותי להרגיל נפשי בהם ואמצתי עליהם משא ידיעתם ועשייתם.

Like ויעמס איש על חמורו, there it means to load the donkey, to place the load on the donkey. V'amatzti aleihem, I as it were, I imposed upon my nefesh the weight of knowing, identifying with Chovos HaLevavos and fulfilling them.

וכל שנגלה אלי מהם ענין גמלתיהו לסמוך לו והסמוך לו אל הסמוך לו

ad shebachanta inyan. And this is true in other areas of Torah also, not only Chovos HaLevavos. The mashal is if you're doing a puzzle, so if you figure out where one or two pieces go, so then based on that, that helps you figure out where another couple of pieces go, and there's a positive momentum in being able to put the whole puzzle together. So the same thing happens when a person gains one insight into Torah, so with that insight something else that had until this point been unclear, had been murky to him, now in light of that insight becomes clear and that's how you have this ripple effect. וכל שנגלה אליהם עניין גילה ליד הסמוך לו. You put one piece in the puzzle so then you can now see where the next piece will go.

והסמוך לו הסמוך לו עד שרחב העניין והיה לי קשה לזכור אותו תמיד בלבבי ויראתי השכחה על מה שעלה במחשבתי מהם והטחת מה שקפה ברעיוני מענייניהם עם מיעוט העזור מאנשי דור עליהם.

The Chofetz Chaim's son Reb Leib, his oldest son writes and he began but didn't complete a biography of his father. He didn't outlive his father by that much. His father the Chofetz Chaim lived to be a Zaken Muflag and his son had a more conventional lifespan so I think he only outlived his father by five years or something and he hadn't begun it right away. Anyway, so we have an incomplete biography from the Chofetz Chaim's son Reb Leib about the Chofetz Chaim. So he says that when the Chofetz Chaim would see him writing down something, I think this is what it says there, it's a little hard to understand, when the Chofetz Chaim would see him writing something down, the Chofetz Chaim would tell him "Unless you're planning on publishing it, it's a waste of time." And apparently the Chofetz Chaim never forgot anything in his life and couldn't identify with those of us who are on intimate terms with shikcha. I don't know, if you're not going to publish it, the Chofetz Chaim said it's a waste of time writing it down. So the Chovos HaLevavos didn't agree with the Chofetz Chaim. The Chovos HaLevavos said I began writing things down just for myself because I realized that I was going to forget. The pshitus is, I don't know, most of us in this respect as well, as well as in virtually every other respect, we're not holding by the Chofetz Chaim's madreiga. You work something out in a sugya, even if it's not a chiddush, but you figured out the pshat in the sugya. When you began working on the sugya, so so many things were difficult. Lav davka that the understanding one arrives at, what one thinks is worthy of being labeled a chiddush, chiddushim atikim, but what about it? You write it up to serve as a mazkeres. That's what the Rambam says in the hakdama to Perush HaMishnayos also, that the Tannaim used to write down chiddushim so they shouldn't forget them. I don't know, unless you're making a kintz, the Chofetz Chaim was talking about a certain, but it doesn't sound that way, a certain perfection in style, but it doesn't sound that way.

וכן כל אחד ואחד כותב לעצמו כפי כוחו מביאור התורה מהלכותיה כמו ששמע ומדברים שנתחדשו בכל דור ודור. והסכמתי לכתבם על ספר ולחברם בחיבור שיהיה כולל שורשיהם וסביב פרקיהם והרבה מתולדותיהם.

The overarching principles and the implications, the corollaries. כדי שאבקש את נפשי תמיד לדעתם ואחייבנה לעשותם. Just like we have from some gedolim, they find after the petira that they had a list of kabbalos that they wrote down for themselves. That's the hanhaga the Chovos HaLevavos is talking about. I wrote down for myself, I decided that I have to write down for myself what I have clarified in terms of Chovos HaLevavos and their applications and that should be, and writing it down was a mechayiv for me to do them.

ובמה שיהיה מהם פועלי שוה עם דבורי הודה לא-ל העוזרי עליו והמורי לי שבילו ובמה שיהיה מהם חולק עליו ומקצר מהגיע אליו

and then I'll be able to make a cheshbon hanefesh. So if I if I lived up to the Chovos HaLevavos so I'll I'll thank Hakadosh Baruch Hu for enlightening me. I think this Sfas Emes has what is it a pasuk in Tehillim? Is it a pasuk that Lecha Hashem hatzedakah אתה תשלם לאיש כמעשהו? ואתה תשלם לאיש כמעשהו sounds more like din than it does to tzedakah, right? Lecha Hashem hatzedakah? No, Hakadosh Baruch Hu your your charitable that that you you compensate you reward people in in conjunction with their actions. So the Sfas Emes says pshat that in everything we do and kiyum hamitzvos you know הכל בידי שמים חוץ מיראת שמים notwithstanding and chutz miyiras shamayim notwithstanding, in everything we do so avada there's tremendous siyata d'shmaya. So really Hakadosh Baruch Hu should you know then just pro-rate the schar. You know Hakadosh Baruch Hu the siyata d'shmaya was X percent of is responsible for X percent of what you did. So then mimmela you know I'm gonna discount the schar that much. No, so Lecha Hashem hatzedakah says the Sfas Emes אתה תשלם לאיש כמעשהו. No, you reward as though there were as though there had been no siyata d'shmaya. So that's what that's what the Chovos HaLevavos says that when I ובמה שיהיה מהם פועלי שוה עם דבורי when I live up to the expectations so what

הודה לא-ל העוזרי עליו והמורי לי שבילו ובמה שהיה מהם חולק עליו ומקצר מהגיע אליו אאשים נפשי ואוכיחנה ואטעון עליה ממנו עד שיסבור לה עולה מצדקו ונטותה מיושרו ועבותה מתיקונו וקוצר מעשיה מתמימותו

and I make a cheshbon hanefesh to see where I came up short.

וראיתי לשומו דבר קיים ומטמון צפון ונר שיאיר לאדם ויורהו הדרך שילכו בה וקיויתי שתהיה תועלת זולתי בו יותר מתועלתי והוראתו בלעדי מהשלמת חפצי.

And then I realized that this can be helpful to others as well and and to that degree so then it can be exponentially more helpful in terms of helping so many other people rather than than just myself. Okay, we'll stop there.