Teshuva Means Having More Yiras Shomayim Throughout Our Lives

I wanted in general on Thursdays to take some time out a little bit for the inyan hashkafa and such. So we begin today briefly since it's erev Rosh Hashanah, so maybe begin a little bit with inyanei teshuva. We meant for the most part we'll be studying קונטרס הערות על בבס, we'll try to start more or less from the beginning. However for today, again since it's erev Rosh Hashanah, so maybe we'll begin a little bit with one halakha from Sha'arei Teshuva. So in Sha'arei Teshuva, Rabbenu Yonah says, Perek Zayin, he's discussing mafsidei hateshuva, things that undermine or undercut a person's teshuva. So Rabbenu Yonah writes:

וממפסידי התשובה גם כן שיהיה השב שב מקצת עוונותיו ומתמיד במקצתן.

He repents from some of his averos but he perpetuates others. Kemo, for instance,

שיצא מן העבירה שבינו ובין המקום וישוב מהן, ולא יצא ממה שיש בינו ובין בני אדם.

He has escaped from those עבירות שבינו ובין המקום with teshuva, but he hasn't... he hasn't done teshuva on

מצוות שבין אדם לחברו, מגזל ואונאה ואונאת הבריות וכיוצא באלה. ובזה נאמר: אם און בידך הרחיקהו. ואמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה:

b'inyan hazeh, Chazal say in Taanis:

אדם שיש בידו עבירה והוא מתוודה ואינו חוזר בה למה הוא דומה למי שתופס שרץ בידו. שאפילו טובל בכל מימי שבעולם לא עלתה לו טבילה.

Chazal have the famous analogy: a person goes to the mikvah holding a sheretz. So when he comes out of the mikvah he's not going to be tahor. Zrako miyado, if however he throws the sheretz beforehand, so then alsa lo tvila. So then when he comes out of the mikvah he'll be tahor. Shene'emar: u'modeh v'ozev yerucham. If a person confesses and he leaves his sins, so then Hakadosh Baruch Hu will show compassion. So here Rabbenu Yonah says a chiddush atzom. We all know that the Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva quotes this Gemara in Taanis, but the Rambam quotes it very differently than Rabbenu Yonah. When the Rambam quotes the Gemara, or if you look at Rashi, if you look at Rashi in Taanis, so the Rambam says: ומהי התשובה עד שיעזוב החוטא חטאו ויסירו ממחשבתו. He should abandon his sin, he should remove it from his thought, shouldn't even entertain the idea of sinning again. ויגמור בליבו שלא יעשהו עוד. And he has to resolve that he's not going to... that he's not going to err again.

כל המתוודה בדברים ולא גמר בליבו לעזוב הרי זה דומה לטובל ושרץ בידו שאין הטבילה מועלת לו עד שישליך השרץ.

So the Rambam says the p'shat in Gemara Taanis is like this: the moshal is as follows. Let's say a person was nitma b'sheretz. He was nitma b'sheretz, right? Then he goes to the mikvah holding that very same sheretz. So avada, through his tvila in the mikvah, he's not going to accomplish anything, he's not going to be tahor on the tumas sheretz. So too the Rambam says, if a person pro forma, min hasafa ulachutz, confesses, he says vidui, but he doesn't really mean it, but he doesn't really mean it, so that's the moshal of tovel v'sheretz beyado. What now however, let's say if a person has two averos... Person has two aveiros. He has an aveira of gezel, he has an aveira of he talks during chazaras hashatz. He has two aveiros. And let's say he's doing a sincere teshuva on one of the two, but he's not doing a sincere teshuva on the other of the two. So the Gemara never compared that to tovel v'sheretz biyado. The Gemara never compared that to tovel v'sheretz biyado. If you re-read the context in which the Rabbeinu Bachya is quoting this Gemara in Taanis, and it's clear Rabbeinu Bachya doesn't learn like that. Rabbeinu Bachya says again: What was the introduction before he quotes the Gemara in Taanis?

מיסודי התשובה גם כן שיהיה השב שב מקצת עוונותיו ומתמיד על קצתם.

He's doing teshuva sincerely on aveira X. He's doing teshuva sincerely on talking during chazaras hashatz, but he's not doing teshuva on gezeila, but he's not doing teshuva on against the gezel. So that the Gemara compares to tovel v'sheretz biyado. אדם שיש בידו עבירה any aveira and misvadeh on a different aveira. That also resembles tovel v'sheretz biyado. That's very shver. The Rambam, understand the mashal. Understand the mashal. Why should that be? It's two separate accounts. It's two separate accounts. You have kavyachol, you have din v'cheshbon not kavyachol a person has din v'cheshbon on everything he does. So a person has to give an accounting for ma'aseh X, ma'aseh Y, ma'aseh Z. So why is it pah bitulya, why is it interdependent? Why is his teshuva, why is his teshuva on certain aveiros, why does it hinge on his doing teshuva on other aveiros? So the Machaneh Ephraim says like this: This yesod in the Rabbeinu Bachya is paradoxical because the yesod you would want to say is the Rambam who emphasized so much, and yet the chiddush the Rabbeinu Bachya says. The Gemara says in Rosh Hashanah tes-vav, yod-zayin in Rosh Hashanah, the Gemara says that ד' דברים מקרעין גזר דינו של אדם. The four things can overturn a gezar din decree. The Gemara says: tzedaka, tze'aka, shinnui hashem, and shinnui ma'aseh. What's the pshat in shinnui hashem, that you change your name from? So the Rambam says, and clearly it's the pshut-o shel pshat of the Gemara, the Rambam says here in Perek Beis, Hilchos Teshuva, Halacha Daled:

מדרכי התשובה להיות השב צועק תמיד לפני השם בבכי ותחנונים ועושה צדקה כפי כחו.

So he's quoting this Gemara, right? He's quoting tzedaka, he's quoting tze'aka. So he's clearly reproducing that Gemara in Rosh Hashanah. ומתרחק הרבה מן הדבר שחטא בו, shinnui ma'aseh, shinnui ma'aseh. Now comes the shinnui hashem.

ומשנה שמו כלומר אני אחר ואיני אותו האיש שעשה אותם המעשים.

So the Rambam tells you what the pshat in shinnui hashem, when the Gemara tells you in shinnui hashem that when we do teshuva, we have to sounds like he was literal but not literally, at least figuratively be meshaneh shemo. So the pshat is: we make a mistake. Too often when we think about teshuva, so we think about it in a the focus is too narrow. We think about teshuva that a person, a person committed a certain aveira. Committed a certain aveira: a ma'aseh, deios, a certain aveira bein adam l'Makom or bein adam l'chaveiro. So we think of teshuva as that the teshuva relates the teshuva and the kaparah which im yirtzeh Hashem is forthcoming relates to the ma'aseh. That by doing teshuva, so he sort of by regretting this ma'aseh and by resolving not to do it again and then getting kaparah for it, so he sort of negates it, he annuls it, he negates it, and that's what teshuva is. So the Rambam says: No, that's not the pshat in teshuva. Teshuva doesn't relate to a ma'aseh, teshuva relates to you. Because any aveira which a person commits... Reflects the flaw that he has, and not only that, but also the aveirah is metameh him, it corrupts him. So when a person does teshuva, so the teshuva is not just on a specific maaseh, but the teshuva's he has to change himself. He has to change himself. That's what the Gemara in Rosh Hashanah says, that's what's represented by the shinui hashem. It's not that I'm basically the same person who committed the aveirah, but now I'm gonna bite my tongue when I'm inclined to talk in Chazarat Hashatz or when I'm inclined to talk Lashon Hara. No. Now I'm a different person. Not just that I'm going to refrain from it. No, that's not enough of a teshuva. But a person has to in doing teshuva, a person has to work on himself to effect a change within himself, not just to abstain from a certain maaseh, but there has to be a certain change in the person. That's the din of shinui hashem in the Gemara in Rosh Hashanah. So that's what Rabbeinu Bachya says if that's the yesod of teshuva, if that's the yesod of teshuva, so then Rabbeinu Bachya says that it should be extended ad kedei kach. So what's the fundamental change that a person has to make in himself? Fundamental change. What's the common denominator? A person has to have more yirat shamayim. A person has to be more aware of לפני מי אתה עומד, and a person has to act accordingly, right? That's the tzad hashaveh, that's a common denominator. It could be that the could be that my aveirah is that I go angry, it could be my aveirah is bitul zman, it could be my aveirah is that I speak disrespectfully to my parents, it could be my aveirah is that I don't daven with kavana, it could be this, it could be that. And there are differences in how you do teshuva for each of them. But there is a tzad hashaveh, there is a common denominator. So again, since the pshat of teshuva is not just abstaining from a certain act that was wrong and abstaining, to see to it that you never commit it again. No, but what teshuva requires is you have to change yourself. You have to uproot that midah within yourself, you have to uproot that midah within yourself that leads to the aveirah. You have to strengthen that weakness within yourself that leads to that aveirah. You have to change yourself. So then says the Rabbeinu Bachya, so anytime you do teshuva, so it can't be very it can't be a fragmented teshuva. It can't be a fragmented teshuva. Because what has to underlie the teshuva is intensify and deepen a person's commitment to shemirat torah umitzvot, to yirat shamayim. So then Rabbeinu Bachya says it's tovel vesheretz beyado if a person is shav al ketzatam. He's going to be more nizaher on bein adam lamakom, he's going to be more nizaher on not talking in Chazarat Hashatz, but on bein adam lachaveiro and gezel or lashon hara he's not going to be more nizaher. So then how so then the pshat is, so how sincere were you in saying I'm going to have more yirat shamayim and therefore not talk during Chazarat Hashatz? If you were really sincere about saying I'm going to have more yirat shamayim not talk during Chazarat Hashatz, how could you turn around and and not and not do teshuva on an isur gezel? Av echad lekulam, hakadosh baruch hu is the same author for all the mitzvot. So it's something to think about. Mitzad echad, so a person can't effect a person's goal in doing teshuva have to be again an overall change of himself, to totally overhaul himself. And we can't have two if we lower our expectations for ourselves, our standards too much, that's what Rabbeinu Bachya says, so then even the teshuva we do will turn out to be insincere.